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Forum: Single Parenting   10-13-2014, 05:55 AM
Replies: 18
Views: 476
Posted By captain optimism
Don't worry about the forum. It used to be that...

Don't worry about the forum. It used to be that you could post in Parents as Partners with the expectation that only people who had been members for a certain amount of time would see it, but I think...
Forum: Single Parenting   10-12-2014, 08:52 AM
Replies: 18
Views: 476
Posted By captain optimism
It sounds like this is going to be difficult, but...

It sounds like this is going to be difficult, but positive. If you are afraid to go back to the house to get your things, you know that you made the right decision to leave. If you're saying he,...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   10-06-2014, 09:47 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,320
Posted By captain optimism
Good question, Stormborn, though I do not think...

Good question, Stormborn, though I do not think any amount of parenting experience would make this into a good response to the OP's question. The OP asked for help and advice, not for condemnation....
Forum: Gentle Discipline   09-23-2014, 10:00 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 976
Posted By captain optimism
This was the thing that made the biggest...

This was the thing that made the biggest difference for me. When my son was little, he didn't want to put things away AT ALL. Then, when he got older, he was willing but didn't know what to do. The...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   09-11-2014, 09:30 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 479
Posted By captain optimism
Oh honey. :hug I so identify with your...

Oh honey. :hug I so identify with your self-awareness here, with trying to want not to try to be perfect...

Sometimes you have to say no to your child, and it sucks. You acknowledged her feelings,...
Forum: Single Parenting   09-01-2014, 06:35 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 540
Posted By captain optimism
I'm in this situation with my ex paying for...

I'm in this situation with my ex paying for child-related expenses. He pays child support, he just doesn't pay his share of bills we're supposed to split. I really appreciate the words of wisdom...
Forum: Single Parenting   07-13-2014, 08:08 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 803
Posted By captain optimism
I'm 48. My body looks 48, though people often...

I'm 48. My body looks 48, though people often think I'm younger when they look at my dopey face. I have huge boobs. I have stretch marks. I have no idea how my sexy times partner thinks my ladybits...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   07-10-2014, 02:03 PM
Replies: 87
Views: 3,333
Posted By captain optimism
After our earlier discussion of inadvertent...

After our earlier discussion of inadvertent rewards for bad behavior, I tried to remember what it was like when my son was little. It was really hard to recall. Have I been rewarding bad behavior?...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   07-06-2014, 08:47 PM
Replies: 87
Views: 3,333
Posted By captain optimism
This is going to sound too simplistic. I hope. I...

This is going to sound too simplistic. I hope. I stewed over it for a few days trying to think about it.

As adults, we like positive feedback. I would say that most adults don't like to be...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   06-26-2014, 09:16 AM
Replies: 70
Views: 2,479
Posted By captain optimism
This is what I didn't like about using forms of...

This is what I didn't like about using forms of reinforcement with younger children, too. I think it undermines their intrinsic motivations. Plus, we know for sure that all three-year-olds lack...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   06-24-2014, 08:39 AM
Replies: 70
Views: 2,479
Posted By captain optimism
You mean here unintentional behavior mod, right? ...

You mean here unintentional behavior mod, right?

Obviously, there are always times when flexibility is good. I think what I've been objecting to here is your insistence that stating the rule is...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   06-24-2014, 05:26 AM
Replies: 70
Views: 2,479
Posted By captain optimism
But to me, this is basically the same thing is...

But to me, this is basically the same thing is worrying that you are rewarding bad behavior if you give a kid a hug to end a tantrum. The child is not a puppy. You don't train him by reinforcing good...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   06-24-2014, 05:09 AM
Replies: 70
Views: 2,479
Posted By captain optimism
Yes, there is a parenting philosophy that says...

Yes, there is a parenting philosophy that says not to manipulate the child's behavior with reward and punishment. It is the one espoused by Alfie Kohn in his book Unconditional Parenting. Kohn goes...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   06-22-2014, 08:51 AM
Replies: 70
Views: 2,479
Posted By captain optimism
That is not what you described in your post. You...

That is not what you described in your post. You didn't describe leaving the child to play by himself as part of an age-appropriate building of his inner resources. You said to stop reinforcing bad...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   06-22-2014, 08:39 AM
Replies: 70
Views: 2,479
Posted By captain optimism
Hey, if it's not broken, don't fix it! I look at...

Hey, if it's not broken, don't fix it! I look at the two moms of three-year-olds I see regularly and I think, "Holy cow, that was a hard age," and also, "Wow, they learn a lot at that age!" If she...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   06-22-2014, 08:04 AM
Replies: 70
Views: 2,479
Posted By captain optimism
I disagree with this. It's very behavioristic....

I disagree with this. It's very behavioristic. Children are young humans who are acquiring language. If you "ignore" them in the way you're describing, it's a form of punishment. It's basically a...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   06-22-2014, 07:27 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,033
Posted By captain optimism
I don't have the good fortune to have to manage...

I don't have the good fortune to have to manage all these siblings. It really sticks out to me that you say that this child did well in kindergarten and has trouble playing with his siblings at home....
Forum: Single Parenting   05-22-2014, 12:00 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 487
Posted By captain optimism
Wow, I'm glad to hear that you're moving forward...

Wow, I'm glad to hear that you're moving forward on separation. I hope it will be a very good thing for everyone in your family. 
 
You could move all the children into your room but not into your...
Forum: Parenting the Gifted Child   04-23-2014, 03:08 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 368
Posted By captain optimism
Oh, I was going to scan pages in order, because...

Oh, I was going to scan pages in order, because of the thickness of the book. I'm hoping he can use it in public school for enrichment. It would be nice if he didn't have to carry the huge book back...
Forum: Parenting the Gifted Child   04-13-2014, 12:34 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 368
Posted By captain optimism
One thing I think would help him stick with this...

One thing I think would help him stick with this book is if I can scan and print out the pages. I know that sounds like a very silly thing to say. I think being stuck for a long time in the...
Forum: Parenting the Gifted Child   04-13-2014, 04:41 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 368
Posted By captain optimism
I don't know yet whether it will be the answer,...

I don't know yet whether it will be the answer, but I'm still very excited about this new math book. My son's after school mentor found it for us. It's this Prealgebra...
Forum: Single Parenting   03-30-2014, 08:32 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 236
Posted By captain optimism
Congratulations! It's a new beginning for you...

Congratulations! It's a new beginning for you and your kids, and it sounds like maybe for your ex, too. But mainly I'm happy for you! 
Forum: Single Parenting   03-20-2014, 07:02 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 463
Posted By captain optimism
Quote:Originally Posted by...

Quote:Originally Posted by ChippyHippyMom http://www.mothering.com/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif (http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1399172/remaining-friends-with-stbxh#post_17593543)
 

@...
Forum: Single Parenting   03-20-2014, 06:17 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 463
Posted By captain optimism
We are still cordial. I wouldn't say we are good...

We are still cordial. I wouldn't say we are good friends, but we socialize with our old friends in groups and it goes OK. 
 
The thing is, when the relationship breaks up, you get to see what he...
Forum: Parenting the Gifted Child   03-15-2014, 07:41 PM
Replies: 25
Views: 772
Posted By captain optimism
Quote:Originally Posted by...

Quote:Originally Posted by mckittre http://www.mothering.com/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif (http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1398560/whats-next-mom/20#post_17590070)
  Not sure, but I know...
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