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Forum: The Childhood Years   05-26-2015, 06:46 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 955
Posted By captain optimism
I think a friendly email to your ex explaining...

I think a friendly email to your ex explaining that the police said to keep her with you until the investigation is done and reminding him that you are the primary parent would be good. You will want...
Forum: Parenting   05-24-2015, 08:23 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 311
Posted By captain optimism
What is the reason that you think you might need...

What is the reason that you think you might need a child locator? Are you sharing custody of the child with an untrustworthy ex?

I cannot think of a reason why a child under 10 would be wearing a...
Forum: Single Parenting   05-08-2015, 01:06 PM
Replies: 41
Views: 1,821
Posted By captain optimism
Though I agree a solution where you don't have to...

Though I agree a solution where you don't have to cancel the older kids' plans is best, and possible, I'm very sorry that these situations always demand problem-solving from the mom. The men have...
Forum: Single Parenting   05-07-2015, 10:38 AM
Replies: 41
Views: 1,821
Posted By captain optimism
Part of the problem is, and I know this is...

Part of the problem is, and I know this is absolutely true for me, you want your children with you. I only have one little boy and having to give up time with him is so hard. I still have bad dreams...
Forum: Single Parenting   05-07-2015, 09:06 AM
Replies: 41
Views: 1,821
Posted By captain optimism
No matter how you slice it, a divorced mom has to...

No matter how you slice it, a divorced mom has to stand up to someone. I think sometimes you have to stand up to both the ex and the current partner.

Don't let the ex rip off your kids of the...
Forum: Single Parenting   05-03-2015, 08:33 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 611
Posted By captain optimism
This is not about whether guns are bad. ...

This is not about whether guns are bad.

This is about whether a three-year-old with a gun could accidentally shoot someone and kill them. The answer to that question is yes.

We also don't...
Forum: Single Parenting   05-02-2015, 09:34 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 611
Posted By captain optimism
You're going to be surprised to hear this. Not...

You're going to be surprised to hear this. Not every state in the US has laws about gun safety. Most do, about 28:

http://smartgunlaws.org/child-access-prevention-policy-summary/

The rest...
Forum: Parenting   04-05-2015, 02:26 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,765
Posted By captain optimism
Thanks! These are all good suggestions. So far,...

Thanks! These are all good suggestions. So far, the running club has been good. He started two weeks ago. He's slow and has relatively poor endurance, but it's not competitive so he is enjoying...
Forum: Single Parenting   04-05-2015, 06:50 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 515
Posted By captain optimism
We also do 50/50, for the last four years since...

We also do 50/50, for the last four years since my son was 8. He was already older and cared deeply about things being fair. It helped him a lot to know when switch days were and what to expect. If...
Forum: Single Parenting   03-24-2015, 05:51 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 549
Posted By captain optimism
I'm so sorry that happened. Your husband was...

I'm so sorry that happened. Your husband was completely in the wrong. What he did was unacceptable. No matter what you decide to do about the marriage, it was a good thing that you spoke up.

It...
Forum: Single Parenting   03-17-2015, 06:21 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 556
Posted By captain optimism
Is the agreement worded in such a way that you...

Is the agreement worded in such a way that you have to ask him whether to enroll her? I am wondering whether you can just enroll her in activities and present him with his half of the bill.

I...
Forum: Parenting   03-15-2015, 08:52 AM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,765
Posted By captain optimism
Finding a good sport

I have a 12 year old son who is funny, sensitive and intelligent. He has a group of friends who share his interests in video and table-top games and geeky internet jokes. He likes to learn about...
Forum: Parenting   03-15-2015, 08:35 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 494
Posted By captain optimism
I'm surprised no one responded to this post! I...

I'm surprised no one responded to this post! I wonder whether no one felt qualified?

Based on my reading of what you write here, the reason your mom hasn't spoken with you about moving in with you...
Forum: Single Parenting   03-05-2015, 08:17 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 970
Posted By captain optimism
He cannot take your child out of the country...

He cannot take your child out of the country without a passport, and both parents have to agree on applying for a passport. Not sure how this bears on the SS# situation, but maybe it's a little...
Forum: Single Parenting   03-03-2015, 07:34 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 884
Posted By captain optimism
I am doing the 50/50 parenting thing. It is hard....

I am doing the 50/50 parenting thing. It is hard. I do see more of my son than what's on paper. My ex did rise to the occasion and start parenting better when he had to do it on his own. The reason I...
Forum: Single Parenting   03-02-2015, 07:38 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 884
Posted By captain optimism
One thing to be aware of that might seem...

One thing to be aware of that might seem counterintuitive: in mediation, your ex may take a more extreme position than what he actually wants in order to have bargaining leverage.

I know I went...
Forum: Single Parenting   02-22-2015, 06:00 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 62
Posted By captain optimism
In my state, there was no such thing as a...

In my state, there was no such thing as a separation agreement, really. If you were separated and did not want to divorce, you could make a support agreement using the same state calculators as you...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   01-11-2015, 05:33 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 194
Posted By captain optimism
No, it's not really OK for moms to hit their...

No, it's not really OK for moms to hit their kids. Not ever. Also, especially not when they're trying to get the kid to calm down and stop hitting. Hitting isn't going to work against hitting.
...
Forum: Single Parenting   12-07-2014, 07:14 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 231
Posted By captain optimism
There is another possible step between trying to...

There is another possible step between trying to reform your recalcitrant mother and cutting her off entirely. You could decide not to visit her at Christmas, or to make your visit very short and not...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   11-30-2014, 03:32 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,041
Posted By captain optimism
I think a lot of things count as gentle...

I think a lot of things count as gentle discipline, as long as the child gets some guidance and there is no violence or manipulation.

When I think about what I'm doing, I think about my...
Forum: Single Parenting   11-16-2014, 10:22 AM
Replies: 53
Views: 759
Posted By captain optimism
So what will you do for Christmas if you have to...

So what will you do for Christmas if you have to spend it with your dh?

I'm Jewish, but I thought Christmas was the big deal family holiday of the year for the majority of people in the US. If my...
Forum: Single Parenting   11-16-2014, 05:11 AM
Replies: 53
Views: 759
Posted By captain optimism
Where are you going for Thanksgiving? Staying at...

Where are you going for Thanksgiving? Staying at home?

I think you should just make the plans to see your folks without him, and tell him after you've already booked the tickets.

Is your...
Forum: Single Parenting   11-13-2014, 09:29 PM
Replies: 53
Views: 759
Posted By captain optimism
Yeah, my ex did the thing where he couldn't let...

Yeah, my ex did the thing where he couldn't let go of his anger for a long time, and wanted me to take responsibility for making him feel angry. It's the worst, because I would try to fix my...
Forum: Single Parenting   11-13-2014, 08:39 AM
Replies: 53
Views: 759
Posted By captain optimism
Do you think that both of you are trying to make...

Do you think that both of you are trying to make this work? It is my impression from reading your previous threads that you are trying to make this work, and he is just... trying. To be with.
...
Forum: Parenting the Gifted Child   11-04-2014, 06:58 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 574
Posted By captain optimism
My son liked the Keva blocks a lot. (Other brand...

My son liked the Keva blocks a lot. (Other brand names are Kapla blocks and Citiblocs.) He also had hours of play with Snap Circuits at that age. The thing about the skinny blocks that's better than...
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