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Forum: Gentle Discipline   03-28-2017, 01:37 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 299
Posted By AmyC
It sounds like you are wanting to address...

It sounds like you are wanting to address behavior problems with incentives, or disincentives (like losing privileges.) So you are considering using the fun things you regularly do on your time with...
Forum: The Childhood Years   01-04-2016, 03:12 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,234
Posted By AmyC
Sounds like you were giving him "permission" to...

Sounds like you were giving him "permission" to want what he wanted (rather than trying to change him) from the beginning, and making room for desire like that is a beautiful thing. I'm not...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   12-30-2015, 11:38 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,421
Posted By AmyC
Maybe you could shift from "calming down" (and...

Maybe you could shift from "calming down" (and using breathing to do this) to a different way of being with her feelings whenever she's upset. I agree that you can't force someone else to calm down,...
Forum: The Childhood Years   07-30-2015, 12:38 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,078
Posted By AmyC
I saw your update about the timer. I just wanted...

I saw your update about the timer. I just wanted to add the thought that perhaps the situation you state above isn't automatically a problem. What you describe is a situation in which a young child...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   07-30-2015, 10:45 AM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,235
Posted By AmyC
I agree with this. I do not advocate correction...

I agree with this. I do not advocate correction at these times! And at times when it's important to stop or prevent behavior, I wouldn't advocate doing this via verbal correction or verbal...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   07-30-2015, 10:23 AM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,235
Posted By AmyC
No worries about misrepresentation, muddie, I own...

No worries about misrepresentation, muddie, I own Ross Greene's book and was already familiar with his approach (about "not in the heat of the moment") and his point that when a child is falling...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   07-30-2015, 06:01 AM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,235
Posted By AmyC
I agree that teaching or training in the moment...

I agree that teaching or training in the moment is not the goal at these times. Guidance can be in the response but not as an effort to "teach" them something or make it all stop. The "guidance" in...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   07-30-2015, 05:19 AM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,235
Posted By AmyC
Keep in mind that people also laugh when tense or...

Keep in mind that people also laugh when tense or anxious. "Nervous laughter"?

I know that at particularly stressed times during conflict I have laughed and have appeared "not to care," and in...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   07-28-2015, 10:44 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,235
Posted By AmyC
Someone above mentioned Janet Lansbury. One of...

Someone above mentioned Janet Lansbury. One of the things she puts forward as a "mantra for parents" is acknowledge feelings. Also, let feelings be!

If you know that your daughter is upset &...
Forum: The Childhood Years   03-17-2015, 02:53 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 4,490
Posted By AmyC
Hey there, mama. I have twin 6 year old boys. I...

Hey there, mama. I have twin 6 year old boys. I can relate to a lot of what you describe about having trouble with feeling discouraged after trying to be supportive, and then saying or doing things...
Forum: Preteens and Teens   02-15-2015, 02:39 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 708
Posted By AmyC
I've heard it as slang for tattoo but that...

I've heard it as slang for tattoo but that doesn't make sense in the context you describe.

My thought (assuming you saw this in writing?) is that it's probably an acronym. Used in texting it's...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   02-27-2013, 10:18 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 358
Posted By AmyC
Quote:Originally Posted by...

Quote:Originally Posted by Cavy http://www.mothering.com/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif (http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1372376/pet-discussion-thread#post_17236980)

My parents had PET...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   02-27-2013, 09:40 AM
Replies: 43
Views: 1,983
Posted By AmyC
Quote:Originally Posted by...

Quote:Originally Posted by revolting http://www.mothering.com/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif (http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1371635/consensual-living-discussion-thread/20#post_17235956)
...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   02-27-2013, 09:25 AM
Replies: 43
Views: 1,983
Posted By AmyC
Quote:Originally Posted by...

Quote:Originally Posted by Mittsy http://www.mothering.com/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif (http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1371635/consensual-living-discussion-thread/20#post_17259229)

I...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   02-27-2013, 09:00 AM
Replies: 43
Views: 1,983
Posted By AmyC
In response to LunaLady, I think screaming...

In response to LunaLady, I think screaming tantrums are different (on the level of being problematic or not) than hitting and/or throwing things at someone.  Meaning that I think the latter...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   01-18-2013, 07:16 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 358
Posted By AmyC
Parent Effectiveness Training is an old favorite...

Parent Effectiveness Training is an old favorite book of mine.  I have never taken the course or had an instructor (which is a neat thought), but I do think you can get a lot simply from the book....
Forum: Gentle Discipline   11-05-2012, 02:09 PM
Replies: 16
Views: 852
Posted By AmyC
Hi again.  I agree that micro-managing...

Hi again.  I agree that micro-managing interactions at the age of 6 or 7 is usually more intervention/intrusion than necessary, particularly when there's a lot of (parental) emotion & opinion going...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   11-04-2012, 05:29 AM
Replies: 16
Views: 852
Posted By AmyC
I was surprised at the age of the children, but...

I was surprised at the age of the children, but I guess what I think still applies.
 
I think this kind of behavior expresses tension in the child.  It is driven by feelings.  I doubt very much...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   11-04-2012, 04:57 AM
Replies: 27
Views: 980
Posted By AmyC
One other thought I had was that the statements...

One other thought I had was that the statements I'm describing in place of "because I said so!" are basically communicating with compassion, in a caring way.
 
It's not frustration or annoyance...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   11-04-2012, 04:51 AM
Replies: 27
Views: 980
Posted By AmyC
Quote:Originally Posted by...

Quote:Originally Posted by newmamalizzy http://www.mothering.com/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif (http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1364286/because-i-said-so#post_17124959)

Well, I don't...
Forum: The Childhood Years   11-02-2012, 11:24 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 1,122
Posted By AmyC
One of the things I recall is a comment the...

One of the things I recall is a comment the authors of "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" quoted from a parent who attended one of their parenting workshops.  The parent...
Forum: The Childhood Years   11-02-2012, 11:08 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 1,122
Posted By AmyC
For me, addressing these kinds of internal...

For me, addressing these kinds of internal concerns has been a matter of becoming really clear and comfortable about limits (what I am and am not willing to do, provide, allow, buy, give, permit)...
Forum: The Childhood Years   11-02-2012, 07:08 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 548
Posted By AmyC
My first thought would be to find out about the...

My first thought would be to find out about the typical response to these behaviors.  How well do they (teachers, staff) seem to understand him?  How much do they seem to expect the issues to...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   08-27-2011, 10:48 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 840
Posted By AmyC
   Quote:Originally Posted by...


 
Quote:Originally Posted by NellieKatz http://www.mothering.com/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif (http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1327422/when-choices-don-t-work#post_16626963)
In a...
Forum: Gentle Discipline   08-27-2011, 04:49 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,012
Posted By AmyC
I probably wouldn't ignore the behavior.  I...

I probably wouldn't ignore the behavior.  I mean, I don't specifically have a chore situation, but when my daughter (who also is seven!) whines or complains, my intended response would be to listen...
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