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Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   06-12-2012, 12:20 PM
Replies: 261
Views: 5,976
Posted By RedOakMomma
As for books, it's been a while since we were...

As for books, it's been a while since we were doing all that research.  Five years since we read most of it.  And honestly, a huge amount of what we read were journal articles and other articles...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   06-12-2012, 12:08 PM
Replies: 45
Views: 2,702
Posted By RedOakMomma
Sesa, do you ever get people assuming that your...

Sesa, do you ever get people assuming that your oldest daughter is adopted because she has special needs?  I've run into that a few times with our oldest when we're all out together.  Dd1 is...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   06-11-2012, 09:40 PM
Replies: 261
Views: 5,976
Posted By RedOakMomma
I've always read that it can be harder for kids...

I've always read that it can be harder for kids to leave a foster family, but that it's better for them to have made that attachment even if it has to be broken.  Better to have the experience, as a...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   06-09-2012, 05:24 PM
Replies: 45
Views: 2,702
Posted By RedOakMomma
That one doesn't bother me, unless it's said...

That one doesn't bother me, unless it's said without thinking.  To me, it seems like an honest statement--people really do think/fear that.  I know I did.  Whenever I've had someone say that, and...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   03-26-2012, 09:14 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 667
Posted By RedOakMomma
just to add..     ....I don't think...

just to add..
 
 
....I don't think finding out about our brother caused any anger toward Dad or my mom.  We were adults, and we understood why they hadn't told us.  I wouldn't worry that your...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   03-26-2012, 09:09 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 667
Posted By RedOakMomma
Contact them! :D   Your story is very...

Contact them! :D
 
Your story is very similar to my half-brother's, who is my father's first child and was placed for adoption eight years before I was born.  He was conceived with my father's...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   03-26-2012, 08:58 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 768
Posted By RedOakMomma
Does it have to be a secret?   From the...

Does it have to be a secret?
 
From the outside, it looks to me that you could be setting yourself up for a pretty awful situation here.  She knows the birthfamily, but doesn't know they're hers? ...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   02-28-2012, 09:06 PM
Replies: 32
Views: 1,375
Posted By RedOakMomma
I think someone here said this once, many years...

I think someone here said this once, many years ago, and it stuck with me.  International and Foster adoption are both equally expensive.  In international adoption, you pay a high price...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   02-22-2012, 01:38 PM
Replies: 45
Views: 2,702
Posted By RedOakMomma
My method is this:   Pause after an...

My method is this:
 
Pause after an insensitive question/statement is made by the other person.
 
Ask "Why do you want to know?"...kindly, but directly.
 
If they come up with a reason (and...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   02-22-2012, 01:33 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,044
Posted By RedOakMomma
I didn't realize they had asked to have visits...

I didn't realize they had asked to have visits with just your youngest daughter.  I can see how that would rub you the wrong way, but I also think it's natural that they would want to soak up as...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   02-20-2012, 08:37 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,044
Posted By RedOakMomma
:hugs, sesa. :)   I wonder if maybe it's...

:hugs, sesa. :)
 
I wonder if maybe it's just something their families do a lot of?  Some families are like that.  I know in my family it's a huge, huge thing to sit around and talk about "where...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   02-20-2012, 08:25 PM
Replies: 25
Views: 1,296
Posted By RedOakMomma
mom21, thanks for sharing your experiences! ...

mom21, thanks for sharing your experiences!  Honesty is great--
 
queencarr, of course we can chat about ABA!  I'm no expert, but I like how it's been used with ds.  :) 
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   02-09-2012, 11:51 AM
Replies: 38
Views: 1,222
Posted By RedOakMomma
Hugs to you-- I think many moms here have been...

Hugs to you-- I think many moms here have been in similar experiences.  I hope more of them chime in. 
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   02-09-2012, 11:50 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 1,296
Posted By RedOakMomma
I think early experiences could easily lead to...

I think early experiences could easily lead to kids having self-regulation issues-- I've often wondered if the issues we see in dd are due to heredity, fetal environment/exposure, or just the fact...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   01-23-2012, 03:55 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 524
Posted By RedOakMomma
I'm not sure if it's resolved already, but you...

I'm not sure if it's resolved already, but you might want to look into a wordpress.com blog.  You can set it up so that 1) it doesn't come up in any search engines and 2) each post is password...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   01-02-2012, 06:30 PM
Replies: 25
Views: 1,296
Posted By RedOakMomma
Nothing to add but support!  Right now we're...

Nothing to add but support!  Right now we're going along okay, but it wouldn't surprise me in the future if dd was diagnosed with some extra needs.  Especially as school gets more academic.  I just...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   12-13-2011, 06:56 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 526
Posted By RedOakMomma
We have friends that call the day their...

We have friends that call the day their Familyversary Day.   I think that's pretty cute.  I don't like "Gotcha." 
 
We don't celebrate it or make a big deal of it around here.  When we get to the...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   12-13-2011, 06:47 AM
Replies: 20
Views: 905
Posted By RedOakMomma
Can we update even if we weren't in the non-ttc...

Can we update even if we weren't in the non-ttc thread? ;)
 
Dd is four!  She started school this year and it's been a blessing...she's really blossomed and loves going to school every day.  She's...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   12-13-2011, 06:31 AM
Replies: 56
Views: 1,395
Posted By RedOakMomma
Good point. 

Good point. 
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   12-09-2011, 06:20 AM
Replies: 56
Views: 1,395
Posted By RedOakMomma
Maybe, in addition to helping her process who he...

Maybe, in addition to helping her process who he is and what he is in her life and family, you could help her voice what she wants when he's in her personal space.  I know that could be tough for a...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   12-05-2011, 12:06 PM
Replies: 56
Views: 1,395
Posted By RedOakMomma
Skipping over the bulk of the conversation...

Skipping over the bulk of the conversation (short on time)...but a few ideas come up:
 
Your dd and my dd are the same age.  One thing that has really helped make her birthparents more real, and...
Forum: Adoptive and Foster Parenting   12-05-2011, 10:56 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 581
Posted By RedOakMomma
We have one adopted child...she is...

We have one adopted child...she is Korean-American, we are Euro-American.  Our other children are also Euro-American.  We know a lot of other adoptive families that are White/Asian, but most of them...
Forum: Life with a Toddler   11-19-2011, 10:06 PM
Replies: 228
Views: 5,421
Posted By RedOakMomma
just1more~ congratulations!  I can't imagine...

just1more~ congratulations!  I can't imagine keeping up with this toddler stage while going through the first trimester...you are one tough cookie!
 
Dd isn't a demolition machine, but she is a...
Forum: Life with a Toddler   11-15-2011, 12:29 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 5,065
Posted By RedOakMomma
I commented above, but we have the red kidkraft...

I commented above, but we have the red kidkraft one and LOVE IT.  We've had it three years and nothing has broken.  Dd loves that it has "everything," and I like that it doesn't take up a whole...
Forum: Life with a Toddler   11-15-2011, 12:17 PM
Replies: 228
Views: 5,421
Posted By RedOakMomma
Laurski, thanks. :)  I'm loving all the cute...

Laurski, thanks. :)  I'm loving all the cute pictures in this thread, too.  Such an adorable age!  It sounds like dd and yours have the same word for their balloon obsession: BA!  Ohmy, they are...
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