our 6 month old is having a sleep phase that is wearing us out, the older kids have so much going on in the afternoon/early evening, my h is teaching an overload this semester and is at lab 2/3 evenings a week until 9.
we get along great as friends. i mean we laugh and joke a lot during the day and are supportive. but we also have been worn down and getting into it in between--like in little ripples.
we have only dtd 1 time since the baby was born. other times we did try but were interrupted by waking baby--maybe 4 or 5 times. but, we haven't even tried in 2 months i think.
i mentioned it to my h bluntly the other day, the intimacy thing, just said, you know, i would like to be dtd again on a regular basis...and he said, laughing tensely, "maybe we should start with just doing it at all..." the conversation didn't really go anywhere. i don't know what derailed it or how we lost focus. we have a habit i am realizing of losing focus when we come to a disagreement.
he says he is just so tired and also that we are best friends and are getting through so much together, give us credit. i do. but i am feeling needy right now, or at least, like i really want to connect. he did say he feels so over-busy with parenting and work that when it comes to time for us he does feel withdrawn. he didn't elaborate on why though. like, i wonder if i am draining somehow i guess. he does get sick of all my discussions being related to babies and children related topics. i do try to ratchet it down some but i am who i am and right now i DO think alot about babies and children. and so...
on valentines day he brought flowers and when i wanted to hang out and do something together (movie, play guitar, something at the house cuz we have no childcare and nursing baby)...he was all, "ugh, another time, no energy, but why are you upset? i brought flowers!"
i was SO upset i impromptu decided i wanted to go visit my mom (8 hours away), and i loaded the kids that afternoon and left. it wasn't in a hostile way. friendly. as in "well, you know, i am feeling unhappy in general and need a long weekend away." he helped me pack; no tension. but still.
i love him so much. i really want to connect.
but how much of this is a problem inherently and how much is it b/c i have NO life right now outside the home. i literally can't leave the baby for more than an hour and even then sometimes he gets hysterical in the meantime. we do cruise together, me and the baby, when the kids are at school, but in socially isolative ways. we just moved here right when the baby was born in september so that is part of the problem? the move has been a huge adjustment in addition to the baby...
do you think i should just back off and give space or should i try to engage or what? h mentioned offhandedly couples counseling as an option--should we? other ideas?
i'm feeling really miserable about this right now.
we get along great as friends. i mean we laugh and joke a lot during the day and are supportive. but we also have been worn down and getting into it in between--like in little ripples.
we have only dtd 1 time since the baby was born. other times we did try but were interrupted by waking baby--maybe 4 or 5 times. but, we haven't even tried in 2 months i think.
i mentioned it to my h bluntly the other day, the intimacy thing, just said, you know, i would like to be dtd again on a regular basis...and he said, laughing tensely, "maybe we should start with just doing it at all..." the conversation didn't really go anywhere. i don't know what derailed it or how we lost focus. we have a habit i am realizing of losing focus when we come to a disagreement.
he says he is just so tired and also that we are best friends and are getting through so much together, give us credit. i do. but i am feeling needy right now, or at least, like i really want to connect. he did say he feels so over-busy with parenting and work that when it comes to time for us he does feel withdrawn. he didn't elaborate on why though. like, i wonder if i am draining somehow i guess. he does get sick of all my discussions being related to babies and children related topics. i do try to ratchet it down some but i am who i am and right now i DO think alot about babies and children. and so...
on valentines day he brought flowers and when i wanted to hang out and do something together (movie, play guitar, something at the house cuz we have no childcare and nursing baby)...he was all, "ugh, another time, no energy, but why are you upset? i brought flowers!"
i was SO upset i impromptu decided i wanted to go visit my mom (8 hours away), and i loaded the kids that afternoon and left. it wasn't in a hostile way. friendly. as in "well, you know, i am feeling unhappy in general and need a long weekend away." he helped me pack; no tension. but still.
i love him so much. i really want to connect.
but how much of this is a problem inherently and how much is it b/c i have NO life right now outside the home. i literally can't leave the baby for more than an hour and even then sometimes he gets hysterical in the meantime. we do cruise together, me and the baby, when the kids are at school, but in socially isolative ways. we just moved here right when the baby was born in september so that is part of the problem? the move has been a huge adjustment in addition to the baby...
do you think i should just back off and give space or should i try to engage or what? h mentioned offhandedly couples counseling as an option--should we? other ideas?
i'm feeling really miserable about this right now.