Mothering Forum banner

*****The relocation Saga***** FINAL Update post 143 - It's OFFICIAL! Signed by the Judge and ALL! FINALLY!

2K views 157 replies 29 participants last post by  jess in hawaii 
#1 ·
So...it's been a while since I've posted about court. But we go tomorrow to file for relocation (AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!), and even though my attorney seems to think it will be no big deal (not only do I have sole custody of Lincoln - legal and physical - I will be making significantly more than Ex who works for his dad and doesn't even get health insurance) I'm still SUPER nervous!

Whats making it worse is the fact that we are already going for child support tomorrow morning. So that's first, and then we are filing for relocation after that. The child support judge wants us to finalize child support tomorrow, but now I don't know if they will b/c I have a verbal offer on this job. Ummmm.....NERVES!!!!

Any BTDT as far as relocation? My Ex is super involved, and loves loves loves his son, but he's also hiding income and paying for an apartment that he doesn't even live in rather than help out his child. Anyway.....advice or calm vibes greatly appreciated!!

ETA - My start date is confirmed - September 6th!!!!
 
#6 ·
Thanks everyone. It's possible we won't be filing for relocation until Monday, my attorney was missing some information that she needed so she wasn't able to finish the order to show cause last night.

Now I'm nervous that the cat will be out of the bag today at the child support hearing though! OMG. PLEASE send calming vibes my way - my ex is going to FLIP OUT if he finds out I have a verbal offer - and especially if he finds out how much $ it is (but only cause its way more than he's making and you know, he's the MAN - he deserves the BIG buckaroos).

puke.gif
 
#9 ·
Ok, here's my update.

We finished Child Support today, we file for relocation tomorrow. The cat is out of the bag, and they know we are going to file, but they don't know when.

Child support is OK. I'm not super happy with the outcome, but I know that it will always be on time, and that he will always always always pay (b/c he risks disciplinary actions by the bar association if he doesn't, and he wants to keep his license to practice law). AND I came out on top with regards to child care and medical. B/c once I move I'll be making 10-15K more than him a year, so I would be required to pay more of the expenses than he would be - but b/c I reduced the arrears to a manageable amount, he agreed to pay 50% of "reasonable" childcare expenses, and 50% of uncovered medical. Which....he's gonna have to start paying once I get this job cause it has bennies!!

So, now I'm freaking out about tomorrow, b/c my attorney is going to meet me at the court house, and we will be filing to relocate. LOTS of immediate relocation order vibes PLEASE!!!!
 
#14 ·
Ok, its filed. Nothing happened though - we just got an emergency court date for Wednesday the 15th, and we have to serve Ex no later than Monday evening. Thank goodness my lawyers process server is coming back from vacay on Sunday! And, I'm meeting with my lawyer on Monday afternoon to go over strategy in case there is a hearing. Neither of us think there will be a hearing of course, b/c my ex NEVER does a hearing - he's got too much to hide to do that.

AND - I love my grandparents!!! Apparently, since I've been having so much trouble financially, my grandma told my grandpa that for her birthday she wanted him to give me money. So....they sent me $500!!!!!!! I got it this morning - I cannot believe it!! It is going to be so helpful - I think I might ask my parents if I can use it for some new clothes (for my new job) - I might not want to use all of it for that, but they are paying my expenses right now, so it would be great to be able to get some great clothes for work before I get started.
 
#19 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Everrgreen View Post

Yay!! I hope everything goes well on Wednesday (and I'm sure it will!) Wednesday is the 17th though, not the 15th ;o)

And your grandparents sounds awesome :D
LOL! Originally it was going to be Friday the 19th, and then moved to Wed the 17th - I must have gotten confused.

My grandparents ARE awesome! I love them!
 
#20 ·
GAH!!! I HATE MY EX!!!! There I said it. God it feels good.

So....while I was meeting with my lawyer, she was served with a copy of Ex's petition for sole custody/petition to prevent me from leaving the state. He filed on the 8th, we were in court on the 11th and he did not tell me that he had filed, he was required to serve me by the end of friday (me personally - NOT my attorney), he failed (which explains all the knocks on my door last week that I thought were SUPER creepy), and so he had my lawyer served today while I was at her office (he didn't know about the meeting).

He's arguing that Lincoln will continue living in Queens with him, which we can prove is a total utter LIE b/c he actually lives 50miles away at his mommy's house, and thats where he takes ALL of his visitation with Lincoln. He also lied last week about his sister living with him, b/c he said in his petition that his sister lives with his dad, also 50 miles away. He's such an asshole - I can't believe he's actually trying to take Lincoln away from me AGAIN - while saying that I'm trying to take Lincoln away from him. What a bastard.
 
#23 ·
Wed. Aug 17th at 9:30am. I'm dreading it. I'm so sick over this mess, I seriously CANNOT stand this. Lincoln is a mess, I'm a mess, I need to MOVE so I can arrange childcare, and start working (something my ex clearly is incapable of doing).

I told my lawyer that we need to point out everything he lied about - he said that I don't have a support network where my job is located - except that he STAYED OVERNIGHT in my aunt and uncles home!!! And he knows that I nannied for my cousins one summer, and have been super close to them ever since! He KNOWS that - he lied. I'm so fucking sick of his lies. It's time for me to get the hell away from him and his family - they are NOT supportive.
 
#24 ·
What an ass!!! There I said it for you.
Sheepish.gif


I am so sorry to read all of this, it truly sucks but try to keep perspective and approach as you would someone in business rather than someone with emotions and that will help your case. Since he is claiming you are trying to keep Lincoln from him I do really think you need to have a suggested visitation plan in place when you show up for the hearing.

When I asked for sole custody I have a detailed suggested visitation plan which showed the judge that I was not bring spiteful or trying to keep my dd away from her father. (We ended up with no visitation for her bio dad in the actually court order but having a visitation plan in place initially really carried weight with the judge).

Just food for thought

(((HUGS))) to you!
 
#25 ·
SSM, things like this are so hard when you are in the middle of them. I'm positive your atty has everything under control. Just go in with a plan. YOU have the job, YOU will have the means and support to raise Lincoln in DC. YOU have family near DC. YOUR new job has bene's, a career path, a salary chart etc. NONE of these things does your Ex have. No judge in her/his right mind would order you to stay in NYC, live in poverty and continue to be on state assistance when you could be self sufficient in a matter of weeks/months in DC.

There is no reason Lincoln and Ex can't skype, phone etc and eventually have a visitation schedule. Ex can come to DC and you guys can go back to NYC. If I remember correctly the shuttle bus from NY to DC isn't that much $$ and I'm sure Lincoln would love to show EX the new town ;).

You my dear have full custody for a reason. I am confident you will be moving this coming weekend. Go start researching daycare options NOW!
 
#26 ·
Wasn't he the one that conceded to you having full custody? If I'm remembering correctly. Geez. Your move isn't really that far away... 5-ish hours. If he isn't working much he could even likely keep a similiar visitation schedule!

I hope court goes well for you tomorrow!! *hugs* But like others have said, you have all evidence that this move will better you and Lincoln's life. :D

PS: On your move down south, if you'd like to make a pit stop at the Jersey/PA border en route down I-78, let me know. ;-) I'll treat you and Lincoln to whatever meal of the day it is. ;-)
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top