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Would you stay with your husband for financial security?

  • Yes, I would.

    Votes: 91 27.6%
  • No, I wouldn't.

    Votes: 123 37.3%
  • Maybe, not sure.

    Votes: 116 35.2%

would you stay with your husband primarily for financial security?

2K views 99 replies 80 participants last post by  LoveChild421 
#1 ·
Please no judgements in this thread...
 
#3 ·
I completely understand why some women do and would never make a judgement call about their decision. Those situations can be very difficult and complicated.

Personally, I would not stay for financial security. I have been fortunate enough to set up my own financial security.
 
#4 ·
I want to qualify my previous answer. I did stay with my ex. for financial security for a time. But then I left.
My bff took about 2 yrs to leave her ex. and the reason why it took so long was financial. So my answer would be different depending on how long we're talking here kwim? Indefinitely? Heck no. But while I took the time I needed to make a plan and sort through my emotional stuff? Yes. (as long as it's safe)
 
#6 ·
I wouldn't. Our incomes will be similar once I finish my degree anyway, but I wouldn't stay with him for financial reasons only whether he made millions or minimum wage. I'm with him because I love him.

I understand why some women make that choice, though. No judgements here.
 
#8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post
I don't know how to answer the question. There are only two reasons I would leave (adultery and/or abuse) and with problems that severe, finances wouldn't enter my decision making.
Yeah, that makes sense to me.
 
#9 ·
No but financial security + one other reason (like he is a good dad) then yes. BUT. I have the ability to make plenty of money. If I was in the position where I could only make minimum wage (or slightly above) I might have a different answer. I tend to believe in making my child's life as stable as possible first and be happy second. I will not compromise the first for the second but if her life is already unstable then I will change something to remedy that. Clear as mud, no?
 
#11 ·
No, because I have the example of my own mother, who walked out of an abusive relationship even though she had three small children to provide for, a job that paid below the poverty line, and absolutely no resources whatsoever. If she could do it, I could do it. Not that I hope to ever have to, but I know that I could, you know what I mean?
 
#12 ·
my parents did
they're still together now (upstairs from me, in fact). they're house-mates for all intents & purposes. they toyed with splitting up when i was in 6th grade. that was in 1981
:

now it's pretty much fine, but it's far from a great marriage. i would never do it- i've seen the outcome & i need more personal satisfaction.
 
#14 ·
i know entirely too many mamas who do just that. and they're more or less miserable. i was too. i know a lot of people seem to think that there is no reason to leave a man provided he pays the bills and doesn't beat you. but over the years, i have come to respectfully disagree.
 
#17 ·
No, I wouldn't, but I might be in a "skewed" situation because of my earning power.

I'm in the process of leaving my husband, who makes more than $100,000 a year and allows me to be a SAHM, to go back to teaching making ~$35,000 - $40,000 a year. I guess that's not really fair, because I will still be earning a living wage -- and will have no problem finding a job, as there is a shortage of science teachers in my area so I will have "security" -- but the truth is I'm goign to take a DRASTIC hit in my standard of living.

And I wouldn't consider staying for an instant just because of the "cushiness" of my current financial decision.
 
#18 ·
It depends on the situation. What is the relationship like? Is it abusive, do you get along with your spouse, is your partner a good parent?

Why are you considering leaving? Does your partner treat you poorly, or is it just a matter of not feeling like you're in love anymore?

If your partner is a good parent, if you get along with your partner, and it is a generally acceptable environment for you and your children, I do believe it's okay to stay for financial reasons.

ETA: regarding an earlier post about staying merely for financial cushiness, I think that's oversimplifying the issue. If staying with your DH allows you to provide a good life for your kids, allows you to stay home or homeschool your kids, there's a lot more at stake than just financial cushiness. You're not just talking about your comfort, these issues also affect your children's well-being.

With everything that's going on (including the issues that are prompting you to ask this question)- do you feel that you are a better parent in your current situation, or do you feel you would be a better parent if you were away from the current issues you are facing? Of course, you matter too, I don't mean to make it sound as if you should make this decision purely for your children. I just know that my children's well-being would always be at the top of my priorities when making this kind of big decision.
 
#19 ·
Voted no I wouldn't.

Primarily because I am the main bread winner and I witnessed a nasty divorce between my parents when I was a young adults. No money in the world is worth the pain and suffering my parents (and I for that matter) went through.

I love my dh very much and cannot imagine divorcing him ever. But if things got bad and I saw that the only solution was to divorce, money would not keep me in a terrible marriage(at least from where I stand and from my past experience).
 
#21 ·
I can't think of possble situation that I would stay with someone because of the $$. If the relationship was that torn/broken that it no longer had life or a purpose I wouldn't stay for any reason regardless of the $$ involved. It sickens me to think that people would trade materialism w/ long term statisfaction/happiness.

Yes I do realize that in some cases being "roomates" w/ a spouse or "stayimg together for kids" may appear to be the right thing to do but in my life I have to yet meet a person who was glad/happy their parents did so.
 
#22 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post
I don't know how to answer the question. There are only two reasons I would leave (adultery and/or abuse) and with problems that severe, finances wouldn't enter my decision making.
:
I voted maybe. In 8 years we have been blessed to have never come to this. Having 4 little ones and wanting to homeschool, though, I would make every effort to stay with him even if my level of commitment to our relationship were not what it is.
 
#23 ·
I was going to vote no....but then I thought of one circumstance in which I'd stay. If we decided to continue as a non-romantic partnership to manage the homestead and raise our child I'd stay, more like friends than anything. A relationship is what you make of it and I don't think there are any rules but what we decide as individuals to set up.
But, I've been destitute (sp?) before....if a relationship I have is done, it's done, no point in staying any longer.
Very interesting topic, thanks!
 
#25 ·
Granted there is no abuse emotional or otherwise:

If dh wasn't bringing in money AND I didn't love him, I'd be more tempted to leave than if he was bring in money AND I didn't love him. Now, if he was a sahd, then then this forumula wouldn't apply. And there are reasons I'd stay even if he wasn't bringing in money but not many reasons I'd leave if we had a pleasant enough relationship and the finacial security was high.

I'm practical and I've seen firsthand the kind of dreainess and powerlessness living at substistance level brings - rotting, absessed teeth, cars impounded that you can't get back because you can't afford the fees when you are caught driving without insurance, credit companies calling and harassing you at work even though it is illegal. All this happened to my sister when she was working retail in her mid-thirties (at 30 hours a week so they wouldn't have to pay health insurance).

Money isn't materialism - it is health and safty. I'd choose healthy and safty over love any day. Fortunatly, I don't have to (my dh is great).
 
#26 ·
I'm pretty much the opposite of the above post's last line.

I'd pretty much choose love over anything, had I the freedom to do so.

I've been with men with money. Once the relationship was over it was over, the money didn't make them or being with them any better or more bearable.

Of course, I didn't have a son then. I wasn't married then. I do/am now. I'm older now. A bit wiser, a bit more realistic, a lot more practical. I no longer have the freedom to chose love over anything, because that would mean choosing love over my son and a reasonably stable and healthy lifestyle for him. Which is and should be my most important concern.

My marriage is loveless. My husband is a good father and while he doesn't make a lot of money, he provides for us as best he can. He's also a decent guy and we have a decent friendship (underneath all the bullsh*t drama, somewhere). So I stay. Not for finances exclusively (at least until I'm able to make enough money to survive alone, at which point I may/may not reassess), but partly.

Had I the resources/ability to cope and live independently, I would probably leave. Probably, not definitely. As I said, my husband is a good father and friend. I answered 'maybe', as I'm not sure what I'll do once I'm making money and what difference it will make in the long run as to whether I stay or go.
 
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