I used to think generosity was a really great trait of my Dh. He was always giving change to people who asked, going out of his way to help anyone he could regardless of where or when, even down to unconsciously giving away other people's belongings to those in need! (No one's ever been seriously mad at him for this luckily, though it is a running joke for those who know him)
Through the years, however, I seem to be liking it less and less. I guess somewhere about the time where we began to merge our finances I began to get distressed when money would be suddenly lent out, or flat out given, to those he decided were in greater need than us - and I would only find out after the fact. It's not that I'm stingy, or maybe I am
, but sometimes I just think that WE need our money/time/resources!!!! Can one ever be *too* generous? When does it cross the line, if ever?
Case in point: This morning Dh called to let me know he "lent" $150 to his friend C for child support. This guy C is always spending all his money on booze and weed, struggling to pay rent and child support, and always borrowing money without paying it back (though this is the first time he's "borrowed" from us). Dh flat out said he doesn't expect him to pay it back, but it felt like the "right thing to do" since it's going to his daughter and not to booze/drugs.
I have 2 major issues with this. One, if you spend all your money on booze and drugs and don't have any left over for child support, and then someone gives you money for child support, aren't they really paying for the drugs and booze you consumed earlier? And two, if this is the normal operating mode for this guy, when do his mistakes start to maybe... facilitate... him changing his life instead of everyone bailing him out so he can keep living like this without consequences?
And how are you supposed to argue against your DP's philosophical decisions?!? "It's the right thing to do." He really feels this way. He's already done it. Am I supposed to say, "Look honey, I know you're trying to be a decent human being, but you really have to stop and be more selfish!"????
Sigh. It makes me feel like an evil person, but we needed that $150. Sure, we'll probably make it this month without it, but I'm pretty sure a tiny bit more will be added to our credit card debt or we'll go without *something* to accommodate it. Am I just not a good enough person to always be thinking, "Great job Babe, now how badly does this effect *me*?"
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Through the years, however, I seem to be liking it less and less. I guess somewhere about the time where we began to merge our finances I began to get distressed when money would be suddenly lent out, or flat out given, to those he decided were in greater need than us - and I would only find out after the fact. It's not that I'm stingy, or maybe I am
Case in point: This morning Dh called to let me know he "lent" $150 to his friend C for child support. This guy C is always spending all his money on booze and weed, struggling to pay rent and child support, and always borrowing money without paying it back (though this is the first time he's "borrowed" from us). Dh flat out said he doesn't expect him to pay it back, but it felt like the "right thing to do" since it's going to his daughter and not to booze/drugs.
I have 2 major issues with this. One, if you spend all your money on booze and drugs and don't have any left over for child support, and then someone gives you money for child support, aren't they really paying for the drugs and booze you consumed earlier? And two, if this is the normal operating mode for this guy, when do his mistakes start to maybe... facilitate... him changing his life instead of everyone bailing him out so he can keep living like this without consequences?
And how are you supposed to argue against your DP's philosophical decisions?!? "It's the right thing to do." He really feels this way. He's already done it. Am I supposed to say, "Look honey, I know you're trying to be a decent human being, but you really have to stop and be more selfish!"????
Sigh. It makes me feel like an evil person, but we needed that $150. Sure, we'll probably make it this month without it, but I'm pretty sure a tiny bit more will be added to our credit card debt or we'll go without *something* to accommodate it. Am I just not a good enough person to always be thinking, "Great job Babe, now how badly does this effect *me*?"