i know i have to make a decision on this one but it's been going back and forth for AGES, since before DS was even born. in fact because of these problems I decided to leave him just before i found out i was pregnant, then we reconciled (again, before i discovered the pregnancy, so it wasnt 'for the sake of the baby') but after numerous broken promises to cut down his alcohol intake, we are back at square one repeatedly. I know it is destroying us, the way i keep threatening to leave, and i need to stop doing that and either get on with it, or leave. i just cannot accept this situation.
DP has, in my opinion (But totally not in his) an alcohol problem, i'd go so far as to say he is an alcoholic. he drinks to excess daily whenever possible, and even when money is low (which it sure is now) he finds a way, and has loads of friends and colleagues, even bosses, who collude with his illness and buy him alcohol. and its always a whole bottle of wine or several beers rather than, say two glasses or something. he insists i am just 'militant' bc of my yoga background and the fact i no longer drink at all (the main reason i'm now teetotal is actually the impact of living with an active drinker). i have lived with boyfriends who drank in what i consider a more acceptable 'social' way, so i dont feel i am overreacting to alcohol per se, just the relationship he has to it.
his drinking has led him to do various unacceptable things like on one occasion steal money from me; on several occasions to shout verbal abuse at me (though never physical violence); sarcasm and emotional put-downs etc; and has (i believe) played havoc with his finances for years. NOw that i'm financially dependent on him due to being on maternity leave (very basic level pay no-one could survive on alone, and i am not eligible for benefits in this country), this is very scary to me. Normally (ie when sober) he is the most affable bloke imaginable. Even when drunk he is a 'happy drunk', not an aggressive one, but bc of my issues with his drinking (which i've now learned not to exhibit when he's drunk as it only leads things to escalate) things often get ugly.
i do NOT want my son to grow up around this. i grew up around dysfunctionality on a massive scale and i cannot believe i've ended up in this situation. I am going to al-anon meetings, they're my lifesaver. But i just needed to put this out there to see if any of you have survived or are currently in similar situations and have any insight. I feel like such an idiot. But he is a lovely guy in all other aspects, very intelligent, not a bad father etc. (although another issue is we disagree abuot a lot of parenting stuff, but that could be overcome).
the main issue at the moment is : i feel trapped bc i am continents away from my family and i have no recourse to public funds here. I would have to work full-time if i left him, to support me and DS and that is totally not what i want... i want to be there for DS and at most only work part time. but, i will do that if its a choice between leaving DS in daycare or him growing up in a situation that's a recipe for disaster. I dont feel safe leaving DS in his care when he's been drinking, or even letting him handle him when i'm around, which may sound controlling but i know it only takes a second with a young baby for something to go wrong. this leads to me feeling trapped from ever going out without baby, and lately (He is a 'high need baby') i feel like i really, really need that.
anyway, thats enough. thank you for listening.
DP has, in my opinion (But totally not in his) an alcohol problem, i'd go so far as to say he is an alcoholic. he drinks to excess daily whenever possible, and even when money is low (which it sure is now) he finds a way, and has loads of friends and colleagues, even bosses, who collude with his illness and buy him alcohol. and its always a whole bottle of wine or several beers rather than, say two glasses or something. he insists i am just 'militant' bc of my yoga background and the fact i no longer drink at all (the main reason i'm now teetotal is actually the impact of living with an active drinker). i have lived with boyfriends who drank in what i consider a more acceptable 'social' way, so i dont feel i am overreacting to alcohol per se, just the relationship he has to it.
his drinking has led him to do various unacceptable things like on one occasion steal money from me; on several occasions to shout verbal abuse at me (though never physical violence); sarcasm and emotional put-downs etc; and has (i believe) played havoc with his finances for years. NOw that i'm financially dependent on him due to being on maternity leave (very basic level pay no-one could survive on alone, and i am not eligible for benefits in this country), this is very scary to me. Normally (ie when sober) he is the most affable bloke imaginable. Even when drunk he is a 'happy drunk', not an aggressive one, but bc of my issues with his drinking (which i've now learned not to exhibit when he's drunk as it only leads things to escalate) things often get ugly.
i do NOT want my son to grow up around this. i grew up around dysfunctionality on a massive scale and i cannot believe i've ended up in this situation. I am going to al-anon meetings, they're my lifesaver. But i just needed to put this out there to see if any of you have survived or are currently in similar situations and have any insight. I feel like such an idiot. But he is a lovely guy in all other aspects, very intelligent, not a bad father etc. (although another issue is we disagree abuot a lot of parenting stuff, but that could be overcome).
the main issue at the moment is : i feel trapped bc i am continents away from my family and i have no recourse to public funds here. I would have to work full-time if i left him, to support me and DS and that is totally not what i want... i want to be there for DS and at most only work part time. but, i will do that if its a choice between leaving DS in daycare or him growing up in a situation that's a recipe for disaster. I dont feel safe leaving DS in his care when he's been drinking, or even letting him handle him when i'm around, which may sound controlling but i know it only takes a second with a young baby for something to go wrong. this leads to me feeling trapped from ever going out without baby, and lately (He is a 'high need baby') i feel like i really, really need that.
anyway, thats enough. thank you for listening.