Generosity

Dear Parent,

You are very wise to avoid making comments that would hinder your son's freedom to share from his own heart. To my observation you have answered your own question. Since you don't want to make your son please you or be responsible for his friend's feelings, it is best to say nothing.

The need you have to make a comment and show your appreciation is your need. It has nothing to do with your child's best interest. He is just being himself, and if you make any comment at all, it will draw him away from his authenticity. In fact, many children share naturally and only stop when they discover that it is something special in our eyes. The result of sharing with a friend is a happy and thriving friendship.

Giving is its own reward and should stay this way. A healthy way to show your love and admiration of your child is to do so with no relationship to good behavior or accomplishment. Hug him, and let him know that you love him, even when he accomplishes nothing and especially when he "fails" to be his own best.

Your love is unconditional. Self-doubt sneaks in when the child does not behave the best. That's when he needs to know that your love and admiration have not waned. As with you and me, it is when we are not at our best that we need a hug and a reminder that the deep connection to who we really are is never changed by our fallibility.

NWarmly, Naomi Aldort  www.AuthenticParent.com