It Takes a Village: Raising Children in Community

By Elizabeth Holman
Issue 111, March - April 2002

Being a parent today can be overwhelming and isolating. We live in a society where rugged individualism, competition, and the quest for the American dream have left many parents feeling alienated and disconnected. Extended families are rare. Fences run high. Neighbors zoom into garages and disappear into houses, exhausted by the frantic pace of life. Economic status is often the only common thread linking us to our neighbors. Dissatisfied with traditional neighborhoods, a growing number of parents believe that intentional communities provide a better place to raise their children. "Intentional communities" is a broad category that includes eco-villages, urban housing cooperatives, cohousing, communes, and other settings where residents value building consensus, cooperation, and friendships with their neighbors. In such communities, families find a sense of belonging and mutual support, and people of all ages reap the benefits of living in a place where neighbors care for one another. The villages of the past are being recreated in today's intentional communities.

The US and Canada have seen dramatic growth in the numbers of new communities being formed. Today there are approximately 3,000 intentional communities in North America , according to Laird Schaub, secretary of the Fellowship for Intentional Community. The fellowship's directory lists approximately 600 communities, twice the number of a decade ago. Schaub, who has raised two children at the Sandhill Farm community in Missouri , says that children there learn to live cooperatively with their neighbors. Interacting with a variety of adults, they develop confidence and strong verbal skills.

There is tremendous diversity within the community movement. Some communities share income, while others share business ventures and community service activities. Many share core values regarding environmental issues and use of resources. Some communities strive to be self-sustaining. Rural or urban, secular or religious, what they all have in common is a commitment to live together and build meaningful relationships with their neighbors.

The cost to join an intentional community is as varied as the communities themselves. In some, new members are welcomed at no charge. At the other end of the spectrum, a home in a cohousing community can cost more than the regional housing market value.

Much of the recent growth in the community movement can be attributed to the increasing popularity of cohousing. Cohousing is a concept that started in Denmark in the 1960s, when a group of families came together to create a great neighborhood for raising children. The first American cohousing communities were built in the early 1990s; today there are approximately 100 such communities in North America .

Cohousing is usually designed and managed by the residents. Each family owns a private living space, with homes often oriented around a common open space. Parking areas are grouped together and separated from living areas. There are common areas for meals, social gatherings, and children's play. Many communities share laundry facilities, garden tools, and a vegetable garden.

Residents believe that intentional communities are safer than mainstream neighborhoods. "A Columbine kid couldn't come out of cohousing," said Joshua Simon, a father who lives in Doyle Street Cohousing in Emeryville , California . "The children at Doyle Street are surrounded by adults whom they trust. They are exposed to positive values and lifestyles that give them a broad view of family life." Kathryn McCamant and Charles Durrett, architects and cohousing pioneers, are raising their daughter at Doyle Street . McCamant fondly recalls the time when her daughter lost a tooth and proudly went knocking on every door of the community to share the news.