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	a quiet place by peggy o'mara

Drilling For Hope
Issue 118

During times in our lives when we feel oppressed or dominated by others, it can be difficult to remain hopeful or to feel powerful. The early days and weeks of motherhood are one of those times. We love the baby madly, but mourn the loss of control over our own lives. In order to regain a semblance of control, we learn new attitudes and habits for tough times.

Today's political climate is another kind of tough time. Regardless of our political stance on the issues, we all feel dominated by a world situation that we cannot control. While we donÕt want to bury our heads in the sand and pretend that nothing is happening, neither do we want to be victimized by the propaganda that tells us we are powerless. And, most important, we must remain optimistic for our children.

Optimism is a characteristic that is inculcated in the human spirit during the first five years of life and one that we reinforce every day as parents. We must be living examples of optimism and sow optimism in the spirits of our children. Cynicism will find its way to them soon enough. Optimism is at the core of our ability to survive.

This is a very exciting time, history in the making. New ways are being born in the world; old ways are dramatically dying. I find that I must choose between recognizing the evidence of a new society or being seduced by the propaganda of the old.

One piece of evidence is the huge antiwar rallies and demonstrations of the last few months. At the same time that the old world order of control and dominance is ever more determined, a new world ethic of peace, cooperation, and personal authority is longing to be born. Citizens are no longer willing to accept the voice of authority absent of evidence. Evidence is authority. In all institutions and in every arena of life, we see a scrambling to maintain order and to enforce arbitrary authority, a tendency to convince on the basis of fear rather than trust.

It is essential, however, to hunt for a point of view that is based on trust and that keeps you optimistic. Fight the necessary inner battles to maintain that point of view. Counter the propaganda that encourages you to consider yourself ever the terrified victim kept off balance by fear of the unknown. Insist on balance. Trust the unknown. Develop strategies that help you maintain your own separate reality, a strong personal belief system that supports optimism and keeps you connected to others.

Here are suggestions for maintaining helpful attitudes and mental habits in tough times:

Choose your sources of information carefully. In the same way that you must look for alternative news about parenting if you want to have the whole, unbiased story, so do you have to look for alternative sources of news and information. Television news is more entertainment than news. USA Today and most local newspapers are advertising vehicles and, therefore, are seldom controversial. They are poor choices for unbiased coverage. Voices opposed to war are not often heard, and the human costs of war are simply not discussed. The good news is that there are varied news sources on the Internet, and international websites like www.independent.co.uk present a broader view. Beware of psychic pollution. Learn how to put news in its proper perspective. Many of us are suffering from information overload and can become addicted to dramatic news with its life-or-death pitch. This is a manufactured reality, a heightened reality like a drug or alcohol high. We can become addicted to the drama. Limit your digestion of sensational news. Don't allow your thoughts to become dominated by the lives of strangers and events you cannot control. Be ruthless about what you allow into your mind. Make an agreement with yourself about how much time you will worry about a given subject each day. Stick to it. You will notice a difference in how you feel. Be especially vigilant about the psychic pollution of children. Protect them fiercely from cynicism and from overexposure to the adult world.

Make your world smaller. The domination of media and advertising can overpower our personal lives with a bigger, more fearful world. We have to choose which world holds our allegiance. If we really look around our own lives, in our own towns and our neighborhoods, we see that things are not as fearful or violent as they are often portrayed in the media. We have to trust the reality of our own lives, of our own neighborhoods. Get close to your world. Go out walking in the woods near your house or in your neighborhood. Get to know your immediate environment by getting to know your neighbors and spending more time at home. You will find that a comforting reality exists all around you.

Grow a progressive community. When we feel oppressed by circumstances or by society, it is often because we feel alone. It's important in tough times to find a community of like-minded people. In the early years as parents, questions about our children bring us together, and these early communities can sustain us through our whole parenting lives. We can also develop communities of people who share the same political, social, environmental, or spiritual beliefs. Invite a group of mothers over regularly for food and conversation. Talk while the children play. Take solace in the ordinary. It is the everyday occurrences of life that sustain us. Infuse everyday events with magic and ritual. Make meals a time of community and connection with loved ones. Eat at home more. Ask friends over for dinner. Turn washing, drying, and ironing clothes into acts that add order and rhythm to life. Rediscover the smell of line-dried clothes. Make your home a place of solace and refuge. Create an inspiring and regenerative personal environment. You will feel a difference.

Sing and dance. In the most difficult of times, people sing and dance. Get some new music to listen to in the car or at home. Better yet, get together with friends to listen to and play live music. Sing together at holidays and anytime people get together. Teach yourself songs in the shower and the car. And dance anywhere. Dance to music in the living room, in the car, while you're gardening or working outside. Immerse yourself in music, and it will make you feel better. Choose your companions carefully. In times of oppression and difficulties, it is especially important to keep good companions. Our companions strongly influence not only our opinion of ourselves but also our state of mind. The victimized, dramatic emotions of others can influence us to develop a more negative and hopeless view of the world. On the other hand, companions who have a new sense of things or who talk of life in positive and hopeful terms can help us to feel strong enough to tackle life's challenges. These friends give us courage.

Lead an examined life. Tough times require honesty and self-reflection. This is because it is easy to take things personally during tough times. Increased self-awareness allows us to take responsibility appropriately and to let go of what we can't control. It is important to cultivate the habit of self-reflection.

Focus your attention outside of yourself. Sometimes when we are absorbed by a problem in our family or in society at large, we lose all perspective. We think that our situation or our time is the worst in the history of the world. We exaggerate our own importance. Serving others, especially children, can put things in perspective.

Become an activist. When you have a child, you realize that being a parent is the most important activism you will ever do. And yet, in these times of social upheaval, we have a duty to do more. Find a cause that you believe in and support it at whatever level you can. Give money or time. Become a member. Educate and organize others. Vote. Register others to vote. And remember that activism is not about instant success, but about social change in the long haul. It takes time. Talk to your kids about peace. While others may wonder how to talk to children about war, talk to your children about peace. Protect them from overexposure to war talk and war images. It's important to answer their questions openly and honestly, but follow their lead. Include them in conversations about peace and justice. Talk openly with them and others about your beliefs.

Don't be a victim. So much media propaganda leaves us feeling terrified and helpless. Any time you feel helpless, gather together your thoughts and your resources. Spend more time with like-minded people to help you feel more powerful. And don't be afraid to change. Do what you need to in order to remain optimistic. You'll feel more in control of your life if you act on your beliefs. Start with yourself. If you are unhappy with society and wish that it were different, make the changes in yourself that you would like to see in others. Get to know yourself better. If you wish that others were less mean-spirited, become so yourself. If you long for compassion and empathy, practice these qualities with those you disapprove of. Act democratically. Let change begin with you.

Don't turn against yourself in tough times. Often, when times are hard, we bemoan our bad luck. Why me? Why now? When you can refrain from taking life personally, however, you can act more effectively. Tough times will generate courage in proportion to the difficulty of the situation. Imagine it into becoming. It is tempting to criticize things as they are without having any idea of how to improve them. Part of the seduction of modern times is the false belief that this is as good as it gets, that things couldn't possibly be any better. The wisdom of living your own reality despite tough times is that your everyday reality ever improves itself; it always gives birth to a more positive future. Spend time imagining solutions to the problems you face in your life or to the problems of society. Talk to your friends about positive solutions. Take action to add at least one positive solution to your life.

Keep your sense of humor. At the heart of an optimistic spirit is a hearty sense of humor. When you can laugh at yourself and the world, you can keep perspective. When you can't, you know that you need some help. Suffering happens, but it can be borne more easily with a loving heart. Reach out to others when you've lost your sense of humor. Watch a funny movie or do The Twist. It is a loving heart and an optimistic spirit that are required now. In the 1960s many disillusioned young people dropped out of society and went "back to the land." Even though we had stopped a war and retired a president, we did not realize our political power and had no idea how to sustain it. It's different now. We must create our own personal realities to raise our children with hope and optimism, but not drop out. We must become increasingly active in re-creating democracy in our lives and in our society. Our personal lives parallel the collective. Speak with your own voice and it will uplift others. Work on your own life and it will inspire others. Come together with one another and you will touch others. Keep hope alive for the future, for the children. Children are the evidence that love, not fear, is the answer.