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	a quiet place by peggy o'mara

Gathering The Mothers
Issue 119

Mothering magazine was started in 1976 to celebrate mothers. The 1970s were a critical time in history, when the roles of women were being redefined and when mothers were increasingly entering the workforce. At that time, feminism in the US was focused on equal rights for women, not on the politics of motherhood, and many women got the message that it was not good enough to be "just " a mom. By the 1980s, the proverbial dinner-party question, "And what do you do?," had become such a cliche that creative moms at home made up such titles as "social engineer" to use as clever retorts. Clearly, women were at odds with each other over their choices.

By the 1990s, the new world of female economic opportunity was beginning to crack around the edges. Once women no longer had to fight for access to a "man's world," they realized that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. There was the glass ceiling, the unequal pay, and while feminine qualities of leadership transformed the work world, they did so often at a cost to personal life.

Women found, just as men had before them, that work isn't everything. They began to question the pursuit of materialism and started to give themselves permission to stay home again and to make creative work arrangements. The irregularities of daycare and nannies raised new questions. While the numbers of working moms continued to rise well into the eighties and early nineties, by the late nineties and the new century, the numbers had begun to level off and even decline.

By the new century, mothers were less likely to be defensive about their choices and more likely to recognize the low social status of mothers as the source of their common oppression. Improving the social status of mothers is what many of the organizations listed here want to do. We desperately need to recognize the value of mothers, and no one should ever have to apologize again for being ""ust a mom." In fact, it's a whole new world for moms today, a veritable renaissance for mothers. Many of the organizations, centers, and offerings I've envisioned for moms are coming to fruition.

Several times over the last few years, I've visited the Waldorf community in Fair Oaks, California, and have long admired the Mothers' Support Network, started there 11 years ago by Marianne Alsop and Barbara Daly. Their mission is "to support parents in their quest to raise happy, healthy children." They have regular support meetings, scheduled play days, a mother-baby program, childbirth preparation classes, parent-toddler classes, community events, a library, and a newsletter.

Marianne, Barbara, and I have talked often about how we want to see this type of support network in every community, and their work provides a model. There is nothing like mother-to-mother, home-to-home support. It is important that parents get information and support directly from other parents in informal settings. Meetings in homes are sufficient, or the network may eventually grow into a center, just as is happening in Fair Oaks. If you want to start a group or a center, there are three organizations, in addition to the Mothers' Support Network, that can help you. The National Association of Mothers' Centers (NAMC) will help you find or start a mothers' center in your area. Their mission is "to enable members to be effective in using their individual and collective knowledge and experience as catalysts for personal and societal changes that benefit mothers and families." NAMC wants to break the isolation of mothers, to advance our healing and well-being, and to recognize the importance of mothers to society, both their paid and unpaid work.

While neither NAMC nor the International Moms Clubs advocate a particular philosophy, the Moms Clubs are particularly for at-home moms. The organization's goals are "to provide a support group for mothers who choose to stay at home to raise their children." Further, they want to "provide a forum for topics of interest to mothers," to help children in the community, and to perform community service.

Another group especially for moms at home is Mothers of Color at Home (MOCHA). The group is a "support group for mothers of color who have chosen not to work full time outside of the home in order to devote more time to their families." The group is accepting new members and organizing new chapters in areas with several members.

Another new group is working for the inclusion of the voices of mothers in the public conversation. The Motherhood Project, founded by Enola Aird in 2000, is working to promote "a Mother's Renaissance-fresh thinking, discussion and activism by mothers about motherhood and mothering, and about who mothers are, what we do, our importance to our children, families and society, and our potential as catalysts for cultural and social change for the benefit of children and families."

When I first talked to Enola Aird of the Motherhood Project several years ago, I knew at once that we shared a kindred passion for the subject of mothering and that we both wanted social change in the US. The Motherhood Project has issued two statements. Issued in May 2001, "Watch Out for Children: A Mothers' Statement to Advertisers" warns of the catastrophic effects of commercialism on children. The second, "Call to a Motherhood Movement," November 2002, was first presented at a symposium on maternal feminism at Barnard College on October 29, 2002.

I am a member of the Mothers' Council of the Motherhood Project, where I serve with a diverse group of women who defy the labels of "liberal" or "conservative." Over the issues of family, I find myself aligned with people and organizations with whom I do not agree 100 percent. I do not require it. I'm proud to add my name, for example, to appeals and initiatives also signed by Phyllis Schlafly. I'm eager to join together with her and others who want to curb the spread of commercialism and support decent public policy for families. I would love to see us put down the past divisions of the feminist movement, the mommy wars and partisan politics, and join together as grown-up women to further causes that help mothers and children of all classes and colors.

Last fall, Enola invited me to join her and some other motherhood leaders at a dinner at Marian Wright Edelman's house in Washington, DC. After a gracious welcome and delicious dinner, Ms. Edelman asked about the possibility of launching a motherhood movement in the US, a motherhood movement that would not leave out poor women. We recognized that night that it was essential for the success of a motherhood movement that we focus on our common ground.

We left that meeting determined to host dinners in our communities, to ask other mothers about their concerns, and, most of all, to take the voices of mothers seriously in our living rooms so that they will be taken seriously in our government. Within six months of that meeting, there is increased activity among mothers, and I realize that the motherhood movement began long before that meeting. I am especially delighted that so many new organizations proudly include "mother" in their names. Here are a few more.

For those who want to delve more deeply into the academics of mothering, you'll be pleased to know about the Centre for Research on Mothering at York University, Toronto, which houses the Association for Research on Mothering and Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering. The center's mandate is "to promote feminist maternal scholarship by building and sustaining a community of researchers-academics and grassroots-interested in the topic of mothering-motherhood." Andrea O'Reilly is the director of the center, which provides yearly conferences, regular seminars, and ongoing publications, as well as curriculum for teaching motherhood.

Encouraging research on mothers has helped to provide us with a greater understanding of the economic issues of mothering. In her book The Price of Motherhood, Ann Crittenden argues persuasively for an economic appreciation of the work of mothers. Crittenden's group, Mothers Ought to Have Equal Rights (MOTHERS), is "a grassroots mothers' movement to improve the economic status of mothers and others who care for family dependents." The website of the group is www.mothersoughttohaveequalrights.org

Another group concerned with the economic status of mothers, among other things, is Mothers & More. This group "cares for the caregiver." They provide a nationwide network of local chapters for "mothers who are - by choice or circumstance - altering their participation in the paid workforce over the course of their active parenting years." The group serves mothers at home as well as mothers working outside the home. Mothers & More "champions the value and necessity of all mothers' work to our society-paid and unpaid, within and outside of the home."

Another group interested in public policy and political action is Mothers Acting Up. This group is dedicated to "mobilizing the gigantic political strength of Mothers." "We realize that we live in a world that does not prioritize or protect our children's well-being and that this will not change without each of us finding the courage and commitment to speak out on their behalf." I was invited to speak this year at a Mother's Day parade organized by Mothers Acting Up in Albuquerque. I was thrilled to find out about this political action group for mothers and delighted that they had such a great sense of humor. It was a parade, not a march. The signs were held up with balloons. People wore funny hats. At the parade last year in Boulder, where the group originated, the founders wore costumes and walked on stilts.

Mothers Acting Up celebrates the original meaning of Mother's Day with parades in cities all over the US. The day was created by Julia Ward Howe in the mid-1800s as a day of peace. In her original proclamation, Howe said, "In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality, may be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient and the earliest period consistent with its objects to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace."

I hope that this general congress of women is building. I pray that mothers are gathering in towns and cities all over the US to talk of peace and the common good. Already there's a website for the motherhood movement: www.mothersmovement.org. The Mothers Movement Online (MMO) provides "resources for mothers and others who think about social change." They provide "an open source for the distribution of information about social, cultural, economic and political conditions that impact the lives of mothers." They serve as a "clearinghouse for resources and ideas that support social change to improve the status of mothers and others who are responsible for care work in our society."

MMO, MOTHERS, and Mothers & More raise important questions about mothering and caregiving. How can we balance work and family life without losing job status? How can the job of rearing children be shared more equitably by men and by more members of society? Do mothers at home have to face economic hardship in old age because they don't have enough Social Security?

Groups like the Motherhood Project, Mothers' Support Network, and MOCHA are asking questions about the social fabric of society. What kind of societal values, organizations, and institutions help to support children, mothers, families? What is the proper relationship of commercialism and materialism to children and family life? These increasing efforts to proudly raise the flag of motherhood for social, economic, and political efforts bode well for the voices of women. It is the voice of the feminine that we need today.

In an ancient Hindu story, just as the world is about to be destroyed, the gods remember a legend that says that when the world is about to be defeated, it is only a woman who can save it. They summon Durga, and she defeats powerful enemies with the help of the ferocious goddess who leaps from her forehead at the last crucial minute. This legend demonstrates feminine power and reminds us that even at the last moment, we have resources we hardly imagined. These organizations are such resources. They are the stirrings of the renaissance. The murmuring of our collective voices has begun. Let yours be heard. As Maggie Kuhn said, "Speak your mind even if your voice shakes." These groups will help keep yours steady.