Preparing Child for Pregnant Mom Being in Hospital

Dear double pregnant mother,

Before addressing your question, I would like to suggest that you check the possibility of bedresting at home. They want you in the hospital so they can monitor you and your babies. It is possible, that, with the helpers who would care for your child, you could stay home and be either checked at home by a midwife, be taken to the hospital daily (even a few times a day) or as needed for checkups, or a combination of both.

Although you want to take this type of risky pregnancy seriously, there may be creative ways to assure your and your babies well-being without taking you away from your young child. Your care givers want you in the hospital for their convenience and to assure that you really rest. With all the help you are offered, you could be resting at home, or at least stay home a lot longer.

If after researching, you decide of your own, and based on knowledge, that you want to be in the hospital, I would still not assume that it means separating from your daughter.

Could she sleep with you in the hospital and be cared for by your relatives during the day?

If the most difficult is a must and you have to be in the hospital and you child cannot sleep with you (I don’t see why,) I suggest that her care giver bring her to the hospital daily and for as much time as she wants. Resting does not mean that you cannot be with your child, in your bed, reading, playing games, singing etc. Maybe your mother can even wheel you out into the sun so your daughter can have your presence while she runs around and plays.

Now we can come to your question, but notice how much less scary it is. Mom is not going to be “gone.” That’s dramatic and scary word. Tell your child that you are going to be taken care of in a safe place close by and that she will come every day to be with you and speak with you on a video chat on the computer too. When she is with your friends or mother, she will do all kinds of new exciting things that are special and she can tell other friends and relatives how she is having a wonderful time with grandma or friends while mommy is preparing to give birth to her siblings. Your attitude is the key to hers.

If your daughter seems distressed, validate her feelings without drama and let her know that you will miss her too, but you know that she will be beautifully taken care of and that she will see you every day or more than once a day for as long as she wants.

I suspect visiting you will become boring due to the limitations of what the space can offer. She will want to go to the playground and come back to mommy later. Make the visits as often as she wants as much as possible. Don’t let the hospital control you. They are there to serve you, and serving you is serving your child.

Again, don’t take the words of doctors like a court sentence. They are human beings and will work with you but sometimes you have to insist and be assertive. They only see one convenient (for them) way to provide rest and monitoring. But there are more than one way and it is very possible that you can stay at home much longer. Consult with home-birth midwives. You could possibly hire one to do the monitoring at least part of the time, in your home, and go to the hospital only every few days. 

Whatever you must do, empower your daughter to handle it, and offer as much of your presence as possible. It will have an impact on her nature of being; not a bad impact but one of facing real life and learning to flow with what is. Having new siblings will most likely be as hard or harder on her than your absence through your pregnancy.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort http://authenticparent.com/