Military Parent

You are facing a difficult decision. You don't say who will take care of your son while you are away or how long you will be gone, but I'm sure that you will find excellent care for him. It's great that you are breastfeeding and cosleeping now and that you are building a strong attachment to him. You might get advice to ease off of those things now in order to get him used to independence, but the research shows the opposite; the better your attachment and relationship, the more resilient he will be when you actually have to leave. Continue doing all the things that keep you close together. When you leave, he will miss you and you can't change how he feels. Prepare his caregiver to help him cope with his feelings of loss and sadness. Show your caregiver how to acknowledge feelings by saying, "You are sad that Mommy is gone?" and let him express himself even if it means crying and tantrums. Try to spend a few days or weeks with the caregiver beforehand, so your son can understand the transition of care from you to the caregiver. To ease the goodbye, avoid sneaking away. Have a celebration and give lots of hugs and kisses. Have matching identical stuffed animals or other items (one that you take with you, and one to leave with him) to which each can transmit an imaginary "I love you" message intended for the other. Sleep with his stuffed animal before you leave so that it smells of you. Say a definite "goodbye" and wave. Keep in contact while you are gone as much as possible by using technology. When you telephone the caregiver, have him or her put the phone on speaker, so your child can hear your voice as you talk with the caregiver. Use Webcams so he can see you over the Internet. When you return, he may be distant for a while, and that's very normal. Allow him time to warm up to you on his own schedule. Or, he may be extra clingy. That's okay, too. He is filling up on security. Your relationship will soon pick up where it left off.