Night Weaning

Dear sleepless mother,

It is common for babies to wake up at night very often and breastfeed. I know it isn't easy for moms and hardly anyone prepares us for this detail. Your baby is obviously getting wonderful attachment care and is responding by fully taking care of himself. Getting a cold right as you try to night wean is very typical. How wonderful that you see the connection and are responding to his need. 

There is a wise story that may help you: A desperate father came to the master for advice. "We cannot go on like this, please give me guidance," said the man on the verge of tears. "We have ten children, and we live in a one-room wooden hut. In the small yard, we have a goat that gives us milk. We are too crowded and the conditions have become impossible." The master responded slowly and confidently, "Bring the goat into the hut," he said. "What?" asked the perplexed man. "Bring the goat in," repeated the master peacefully. The man went home and because of his great trust in the master, and in spite of his wife's protest, brought the goat into their one crowded room. Things went from bad to worse. After one week the man couldn't resist and went back to the master. "Master," he cried out, "The goat in the room is not helping. It is much worse. Please help!" "Take the goat out," said the master. The man leaped with joy as he rushed back home with the great news. The family found that ten children in one room was a blessing. 

Your baby is a great teacher to you. Doubling the amount of breastfeeding, you got the opportunity to appreciate when he is back to his normal number of waking up. This does not mean that it is easy or that you cannot improve your odds, but start with appreciation of the way it is, because as long as you struggle inside of you by wanting your baby to wake up fewer times, you will find it hard to appreciate and find joy in such frequent breastfeeding at night. Some babies wake up more than is ideal for them because they are anxious to know that you are still there. 

If a baby wakes up to find himself alone, he loses trust in your presence and will naturally start waking up often to check that you are there. Even once you are in bed, he cannot be sure that you will stay. I don't know if this applies to you, but if it does, you now have a key to fewer interruptions of your sleep. Many parents put the baby to bed ahead of themselves in order to connect with their spouses or nurture themselves. Although the couple's connection is important, the evening is the worst time for private time because it is the time a baby needs you the most. 

Be creative in finding time for coupling, or learn to connect with each other with baby in arms. Life will never be the way it was. The sooner you embrace the new reality, the more joy you will have. Below are some ways to alleviate these frequent checkups and other ways to help you get more sleep: 

* Go to bed at the same time as your baby or move his bedtime gradually to match yours. This way he will learn to trust that you are always next to him and slowly and gradually diminish the need for these checkups. 

* When your baby naps, either sleep with him and get more rest, keep him with you in a carrier, sit and read with him in your arms, or put him down but stay close so that if he whimpers, you can promptly touch him and respond to his need. 

* Put light-blocking curtains on your bedroom windows, and you will gain sleep time in the morning to make up for waking up often. (This may take time to have an impact.) * When a baby is tossing around, I often wonder if he is too hot, or the fabric is of his clothing is uncomfortable due to the material, lumps, or folds. Try different soft materials and make sure the room is ventilated and the baby is not too hot. 

* Avoid light at night and getting out of bed in the middle of the night as much as possible. 

* Avoid counting the number of times your baby wakes up or how much sleep you get, as it causes stress and tiredness. Being at peace can be more refreshing than sleep. 

The above suggestions assume that there is a problem to solve. But, in the end, the most important aspect is learning the attitude of gratitude. In reality there is no problem. Your baby needs what he needs. Yes, always check to be sure he is healthy and thriving, but if he is, flow with his rhythm. Many babies nurse this much for a while even if not among your direct friends and relations. Learn to love every minute of it, and you will have no stress. You would simply love it and adjust your life to fit to the new needs (by putting dark curtains and sleeping at the same time as your baby). I hope you find one or a few of these ideas useful. If you want to gain the capacity to stay content no matter the demands and changes, I can assist you via phone counseling. You can sign up for a session on my website. It is indeed possible for you to enjoy your baby every time he wakes.

With care, Naomi Alodrt    www.AuthenticParent.com