Co-parenting Disharmony

Ellen Craine

My husband and I have had many parenting problems since the birth of our son who is two now. We do not agree on many things and I feel very strongly about certain things that I am unable to compromise. He did not support nursing after a year. He wanted to have him cry to sleep and our son is very strong willed and after two hours of crying at nine months I said enough. He is very strict with him and raises his voice regularly at him. Because he nurses at night still I choose to sleep with my son because my husband sleeps so light he does not want to cosleep. My husband is very angry and acts mean to me because of our different parenting styles. He regularly puts down my point of view. We got pregnant again and he said that if I did not abort he would divorce. I was very stupid and listened to him against my instincts. I would really like to know what you think.

I cannot tell you what to do. The ultimate decision is yours. It sounds like you love your husband on the one hand, but are resentful on the other (to say the least). To me, your relationship sounds abusive of you and your son both verbally and emotionally. He withholds communication, and I imagine, positive emotional connection, if you do not behave as he has dictated. The demand that you abort a pregnancy or else he will divorce you is an example of the use of power and control to intimidate you. Counseling for you, and possibly you and your husband, could help you to evaluate your options and might help you and your husband work on your relationship, if that is what you both want. To find a therapist you should contact www.helpstartshere.org. If finances are an issue, you might want to contact a Family Service Agency in your community. Another option might be to contact a family mediator who could help facilitate a parenting discussion between the two of you and help you work out coparenting guidelines. To find a mediator in your area, contact www.mediate.com. If you decide to pursue divorce, you can contact your local State Bar for an attorney referral or www.divorcenet.org or www.mediate.com for an attorney or mediator in your area. Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

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Co-parenting Disharmony

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