Cracking the Couvade

By Dawn Francis-Pester

As a mother of two, I am well aware of the transformational nature of motherhood. After the birth of my sons I decided to stay close as they slept and breastfed, finding time to reconsider my life goals, my links with nature and society, earning less, living more.

But what about fatherhood? Does modern society give fathers the chance to stop and rethink when a baby is born?

The Tradition
In the 1800s, anthropologists started to document a strange phenomenon seen in other cultures across the world. They described fathers setting aside their weapons and sharp tools, wearing loose clothing, and doing nothing but lying in bed during the last stages of their partner’s pregnancy. 
This was far removed from men in our western European culture at the time, who sought to be distant and authoritarian with little emotional response to life or death. In the Victorian age, anthropologists, who were almost exclusively male, were embarrassed and even offended by the tribal birth rituals they encountered, and quick to attach their own meanings and interpretations, often describing men who participated in birth or childrearing as weak or savage.

It was around this time that the word couvade was coined, and this gives us an idea of the attitude of the Victorian anthropologists when confronted by such scenes. Usually referring to hens, the French verb couver meant to hatch or brood, and the phrase faire la couvade meant to be idle. In anthropological terms it was meant as a derogatory phrase, referring to a weak or powerless man, a stark contrast to the symbol of the man as a courageous and virile cock.

Although many anthropological accounts of the couvade were inaccurate, it was generally accepted that the practice limited a man’s activity, diet, and sex life in some way, before and after the birth of a child. In some cultures, the man would actually lie down and be handed the baby straight after the birth, and keep the baby close to his chest for the first few days while the mother collected food. 

Some anthropologists believe couvade rituals were established during the transition from maternal to paternal law in various cultures, representing a kind of paternity rite and giving the father social recognition for his parenting role. It is also thought that the couvade was observed less in cultures with strong social preferences for a single partner, or a marriage tie, perhaps because the fatherhood bond was more obvious here. Scientific studies of other mammals also indicate a relationship between hormonal changes and attachment rituals.

The tradition of keeping the baby with the father for the first few days may also have been practiced as the first milk or colostrum was considered harmful or taboo—the baby could be handed back to the mother when later milk was produced. There were further prohibitions that were often been shared with the mother following a birth, such as dietary restrictions. In certain Amerindian cultures, foods were divided into strong or weak, and strong or hot foods were to be avoided by both parents and sometimes the wider family unit following childbirth. It was not uncommon for the father to wear the mother's clothing shortly before the birth. While most anthropologists believe that the couvade is no longer practiced, there are some who ascertain its existence in certain areas of South America and South East Asia.

The Nurturing Network
While the negative aspects of the couvade—restrictions, incapacity, and denial—were well documented by the Victorian anthropologists, men who practiced the couvade also benefited from an immensely powerful and supportive male network. Here the elders were closely connected to the younger male generation, passing on their wisdom and experience and guiding younger men through childbirth as well as other important rites of passage. The elders took the role of mentors, linking physical as well as spiritual developmental stages, encouraging men to prize spiritual strength and courage, and supporting them through life’s changes. The experience would have been similar to the female inter-generational bonding that still exists in our society today, although often a midwife or doula may be more likely to pass on knowledge than a woman’s own mother. The couvade represented a spiritual connection between the baby and father, as well as connecting both parents to a wider social network.

Separation
Over the centuries, tribal cultures with their inherent nurturing networks began to break down, as modern society developed. Industrialization brought many social changes, sending men out to work for increasingly long hours away from the family, while children stayed first with the womenfolk, and were later sent off to school. Whatever remained of a father-child relationship, and particularly a father-son relationship was finally broken by the tough authoritarian attitude of Victorian fathers 100 or so years ago. 

Nowadays, fathering has a very different meaning from mothering, which denotes an ongoing process of nurturing. In the book Manhood, Steve Biddulph suggests that for some, fathering might be reduced to “two minutes (in the back of a van)!” Fathers are often excluded from the build up to a birth and are later seen as the mother’s helper, rather than an equal parent. Despite gradual changes in paternity leave, society usually expects fathers to return to work as soon as possible following a birth, and prizes men who do this as, responsible.