Mother to Both

By Patricia Davis
Web Exclusive

I longed for the day when John had told Joshua that he was adopted. "I want to be adopted too," Joshua complained. His older brother had made it seem so special.

John knows he is a wanted child, much loved and accepted. He knows his place in our home is secure. We have discussed his adoption when he wants to talk about it. His place on our family genealogy chart is right alongside his brother's name.

Many have mistaken ideas about adoption. I recall a co-worker asking whether we would have to share John with the birth mother. I learned most don't understand the dynamics, emotions and protocols involved in adoption, nor could they comprehend the procedures we faced.

We chose a domestic private adoption for John. My husband and I retained an attorney who specialized in independent adoption. It was required that we have a home study conducted by a social service agency, and several background investigations were completed. We had a separate telephone line installed just to handle everything pertaining to adoption. Each time this phone rang I became hopeful, only to be disappointed repeatedly. When would we be successful in finding a birthmother who will work with us?

Eventually, we found each other. After John was placed in our home, there was a forty-day waiting period when his birthmother could have had second thoughts. It was another eight months before we could go to family court and legally adopted him. There was much uncertainty until John was securely "our son."

Some of us are biological mothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers and some are stepmothers. When we love and nurture the children under our care with a total commitment and treat them like our very own, we are filling the role of a mother.

A friend said to me just before our second child was born, "You're being rewarded now with your own baby because you were willing to adopt."

I knew I didn't need to be compensated. I was blessed already. I have experienced adoption and childbirth. Whether through adoption or biology, the connection I feel with my two boys is the same. I bonded with both my sons, and I'm Mommy to them both.