Toddler Biting and Pinching

Dear Stacey,

I have already responded to a similar question. Please read it here:http://www.mothering.com/10-month-old-pinchingAlways search the many questions and answers I have posted, before asking a variation on the same theme. 

Most likely, your toddler is not experiencing stress or any difficulty. She cannot grasp the impact of her actions. Toddlers do trial and error to figure out the world around them. She did not get a clear signal that these actions are “error.”

It is easy to eliminate pinching and biting when the toddler tries it first time. At that time, she is not sure of herself and is looking to you for guidance; “Mom, can I do this?” However, words have no impact; only a physical experience that touches her own body gives her the “error” signal clearly. If we give a clear physical response to the first bite, there is no second.

Once your daughter has concluded that this is an accepted and fun activity, it is harder to stop. She perceives it as a game and the actions have become habitual.

The way to break this cycle is also physical. As you have noticed, for a toddler, words like “it hurts” sound like an invitation to a game. Instead, while breastfeeding hold her pinching hand, and cover the part of you she might pinch as well as your hair (tie it, braid it, or cover with a scarf.) If she pinches, bites or pull hair anyway, promptly take her off your breast and remove her from your body. Do it kindly but clearly. Give her something to pinch, pull or bite. If she really wants the breast she will climb back on you and you can tell her that you love to hold her, but without teeth or fingers doing “this” (show her by touching her teeth and fingers.) If she bites again, take her off again and repeat each and every time.

Do not tolerate the biting or pinching even for a second. Be quick and clear. Your responses will teach her to respect her own body and not let anyone touch it without her permission. If she cries, validate her feelings.

Do the same when she hurts you while in the Ergo. Take her off and stop walking (if you are.) No need to be rough, only clear. You can give her a kiss, tell her that you love her, but she can’t be in the Ergo or on the boob using her teeth (show her by touching her teeth) or twisting her fingers (touch her fingers.)

With any new experiment, make sure the “error” message is clear; as clear as if she took off running toward the street.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort http://AuthenticParent.com