Homeschooling Can Help Every Parent

By Anne Heerdt-Wingfield
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I started off parenting my school age children by educating them at home. After five years the situation no longer worked for us and we chose public schools. The kids love their schools and teachers but I still feel grateful for the years we were able to educate them at home. Home education of any variety can be a polarized issue in the United States. As more children are educated at home many parents will consider this option. There is so much wonderful information about homeschooling available now through the internet and local libraries and even some schools. Many families will see the benefits in homeschooling however may not choose to homeschool because of financial concerns, special needs or simply that the children are doing well in their current setting. It is not necessary to make a black or white decision on education. What I learned from my years as a homeschooling mother affects how I parent and educate my children now. I learned many things besides reviewing my elementary math skills, finally figuring out exactly where Zambia is on the map of Africa and just how truly difficult it is to teach a five year old to crochet. I hope that by learning lessons from homeschooling, all parents can take an active part in their children’s education and not feel left out of the fun.

Never Say Never
The first thing I learned was `never say never’. When I started out parenting I had a plan, homeschooling was an integral part of that plan. I loved the idea of flexible days, intense focus on our interests, and a chance to teach our families values. My first year homeschooling was also my sister’s first year teaching in public schools. We avoided the conflict that often rears between homeschooling and public schooling because of our respect for each other and open minded attitudes. We often talked about education; she was curious about what may be different with a child at home and I wanted to know what other kids were doing in school. Looking back I am grateful that I avoided making grand statements that would cause me embarrassment later. The truth is that I honestly could not predict what would work best over the next 13 years. My motto in the beginning was to choose what worked best for my child and the family on a case by case, year by year basis. I have met families committed to home education who changed due to an extended illness of the parent, and public school teachers who started to teach a child at home because of the child’s illness or severe allergies. I also have met parents who continue to homeschool with two full-time jobs or widowhood. There are no rules as to what makes one family send children to school and another to stay home to learn. Many parents will give you some version of `I started with lots of ideas on raising kids, and ended up with lots of kids and few ideas’. This classic statement is borne not from defeat but rather from the experience of life and respect for the children as they grew.

All Work Teaches Something
Perfectionism stands in the way of learning. In homeschooling you can get caught up in the search for the perfect program or style. However what attracted me to homeschooling was the freedom to choose between all the options available in education. The choices cover a broad range from traditional schooling similar to education in the previous century, classical education focusing on Latin, to relaxed education and even unschooling. Unschooling reminds us that all work teaches something, and that includes curriculum at home and in public schools. By spending all day with your school age children you are aware of the school work they are doing as well as the games they are playing and the physical activity they are participating in. I have seen a child who has been struggling with a math concept suddenly “get it” when adding up a score while bowling, or while cutting a cake into equal pieces. I have also watched them learn responsibility not only by doing homework but by participating in chores and all the jobs that I needed to do in order to keep a home running. I could not do all of it while also helping them with their projects. We had to cooperate in order to make home schooling work. Our loose curriculum did not just include math and reading, but a subject I called life skills. The children learned to cook and do laundry and clean up after themselves. The actual knowledge that education imparts is only part of what is important. Children learn the skills to find information from a report, but can use that to study an interest as well. They can learn as much from earning a bad grade in school as a good one.

Spending Time With Kids Is Good
The most common question I had from others while home schooling was not about socialization or about my abilities to teach but about how I could spend that much time with my children all day, every day. I enjoy a quiet moment like everyone else, and I will admit that we had some hard days. I can recall going over a phonics lesson while washing thick lotion out of the baby’s hair or planning an entire `life skills’ day that ended up with math lessons at 10 pm. In the end I still think spending time with kids is good. I see a difference in how we spent that many hours together as compared to other families. I could not rely on the kids going off to preschool or elementary school to provide me a break or to afford me the uninterrupted time to address things like essential paperwork, so we had to work it out other ways. One such way was to definitely lower my standards. A house with children home all day is used more than most houses ever are. If you compare a home with children actively learning outside of textbooks to a home where the TV or computer are on long hours the impact is substantial. The ability to the do a project seems to come at least two years before the actual ability to clean up the project. My kids still run home from school to create and invent, and my house still shows it.

The other way we worked it out was to cooperate. We had mixed days on cooperation: one day I would be ready to call the reporters from Home Education Magazine, the next I prayed that no missionaries came to the door. The foundation of cooperation was quiet time. Quiet time was a rule in the house. If they did not nap they had to entertain themselves quietly on their bed for an hour at least. All the kids are great readers and have developed ways to play alone. Now that they are older and used to attending school we stay in practice by having TV free time on a regular basis, and mom still gets nap time on weekends and school breaks.

Teachers (Including Parent Teachers) Are People Too
While teaching my kids I had my bad days. I had grand ideas of what we could accomplish at home in our school and garden and projects. After a few years I realized we were not going to do as much as I had hoped or as much as the kids wanted of the fun stuff. I learned long before I put my kids in school that teachers (including parent-teachers) are people too. I enrolled my kids hoping that with the school handling the basic subjects then we would have time on our own to sew and garden and craft. Even then I was overambitious. When I walk into the classroom and see a project in progress or a display on the walls I have a glimpse of how much work it took in preparing and cleaning up in addition to just doing the actual project. I have approached teachers about issues and found that at times even the veterans are overwhelmed by a combination of kids or teaching a new concept or the new record keeping to prove they are achieving national goals. I find that the teachers are honest, human and truly have the student’s best interest at heart. That helps me work as a partner to the teacher instead of feeling I am bowing to authority whenever I walk into the classroom.

In The End, The Kids Are Yours
The heart of what I learned from my years of homeschooling affects how I treat my children now in school. I know I have choices that are legal, I have the option to pick what is best for my children in education or medical matters or simply lifestyle. More importantly I know that in the end, the kids are my responsibility. This has led to different choices over the years to keep our eyes on the long-range plan rather than a short-term fix. In homeschooling, families are accustomed to creating what they need. Some available curriculum was created for a specific need by an experienced parent or teacher. Clubs and activities that are not readily available are made up. Other times the same lack of activities can lead families to choose a public or private education to support an interest in concert band or team sports that is not possible another way. The point is that if you feel something is important to your child’s development then you as a parent are the one who is ultimately going to make that happen. Some of the best advice I got from a homeschooling book was to make a list of things you want your child to know by the time they are grown. The list can be a series of life skills or academic subjects or character lessons. Then look at how the most important things are going to be imparted to your children. Do they need special help in reading? Then advocate at the schools. But while you are waiting sit down with a book and get to work with your child. Will they need to learn cooking, financial and automotive skills before they are an adult? Then cook with them one night a week, have them balance the checkbook or require an auto shop class before driving the family car. If you want to teach character then show it in small ways by reasonably following school rules or complying with the laws concerning home education. Be willing to offer your 15% to what the school is teaching before choosing the 100% option of homeschooling. We all have days when we think that anyone else is a bigger influence on our children than we are. Children are smarter than that. They know that you will be the one there for them at 25 and hopefully 45 too.

Our current situation is that we still educate at home, and the children attend public schools. Over the summer we are studying personal finances, improving swimming skills, cooking and baking, traveling and reading. Next year the kids will learn Japanese and French as well as having excellent art classes and a PE program that does not depend on mom’s bad knee. What about the year after that? I can’t tell you. Maybe we will rent an RV and do schooling across the United States or stay home and sew our own clothes or join a team sport.

Anne Heerdt-Wingfield is a wife and mom and Mothering reader from way back. She lives in Colorado with her husband Phil, and children Erica (13) Tamarin (10) and Tyler (7) and pets Zoe, Midnight, Hazy and Pete.