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By Becky Jackson
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In the four years I spent pursuing an education degree, I learned a lot about what to teach and how to teach it. Then I spent four years as a full-time mother. I would have to say that I learned more from the latter. In fact, I've discovered that the most effective way for young children to learn is not the Program for Effective Teaching model or the whole-language approach: it's the natural relationship between a mother and child.
That's a difficult lesson for those of us who are teachers by profession. When I first became a mother, I expected my children to excel because of my expertise. I was convinced that good parents should work continually to make their kids smarter, more capable students. But I didn't realize how much they would learn by my simply being their mom.
When my oldest daughter was three, I thought it was time to start teaching her numbers and the alphabet. After all, most kids went to preschool. Since mine were at home, and I was a teacher myself, I felt compelled to emulate the school setting. I even bought some workbooks and wrote out plans for educational activities. I've always been driven to give my children every possible head start. But after awhile, I had to ask myself what was really best for my daughter, a head start or permission to take it slow? In my race to help her climb to the top academically, I was losing sight of the value of play, leisure, flexibility, and freedom-the very hallmarks of childhood.
There are only so many hours in a day and only a precious few years to be a child. In these days and years, children need time to play, time to leisurely observe and daydream, and time to choose what they want to do. The teacher in me might see such activities as unproductive, but they are very important in the development of a happy, healthy person. My short-lived curriculum was pushed aside in favor of more spontaneous interaction like talking to and having fun with my kids. I realized that my success as a mother was more dependent on the number of smiles and hugs I gave than on the amount of information I dispensed. Besides, the most teachable moments can't be planned for or regimented. They arise when my children spot a rainbow, ask where butterflies come from, or want to write a note to Grandma. It is in these moments that they are the most inquisitive and receptive to the knowledge I want to give them. Maternal guidance is a powerful teaching tool. Sometimes it's as purposeful as reading a book or counting crackers with my child. But most of the time it's incidental, as when we talk about the weather, the animals we see, and the color of our clothes.
Even with the rave reviews I hear about preschool teachers and curricula, I can't help thinking that I have the best program around. My schedule provides access to all types of play, art, reading, and singing, whenever my kids and I are in the mood. My three year old can spend an hour coloring or finishing a puzzle. My four year old can ride her bike or put on her pink tutu and dance on a whim. There are no set routines or time limits, no methods or lessons-just a mom interacting and sharing the world with her children.
My kids have flourished in the simplicity of home life and loving, responsive maternal care. They have become quite precocious in reciting nursery rhymes, recognizing shapes and letters, and other academic skills, not because they were expertly taught, but because they learned through countless one-on-one conversations and experiences with mom.
I am, indeed, well qualified to help my children reach their potential-but not because of my teaching degree. My real qualifications are these: I'm their mother, I love them, and I know them better than anyone. My kids and I are learning a lot while I'm not teaching.
If you want more information about the importance of play, see the following articles in past issues of Mothering: "Let Them Play," no. 103; "Let's Take a Bath in the Magical Forest," no. 102; "Utopian Schools in the Here and Now," no. 52; and "Learning Through Play," no. 46.
Becky Jackson is a full-time mom who lives in rural Arkansas with her husband, Mike, and their three children: Abby (7), Jasmine (6), and Skyler (5). Becky and Mike are expecting their fourth child in June 2002.