© 2012 Mothering Magazine. Powered by Huddler Families
By Wallace K. Pond
Issue 104, January-February 2001
When I was teaching in the K-12 schools, I was fascinated by the dynamic surrounding parent "involvement." It seemed that most educators truly believed that most parents didn't care much about their education. Even though I was not a parent myself when I began my career in education, that notion just didn't seem logical. Now that I am a parent of three children, I know that such an idea is preposterous. Why, then, do many educators really believe that parents don't care? And why is parent involvement, in fact, lacking in many schools?
The short answer to these questions is simply that schools have traditionally defined what parent involvement is and how and when it takes place. Just a few generations ago most families could successfully engage the schools on the schools' terms. Today's families, in contrast, often cannot involve themselves in such narrow terms. As a result, "traditional" participation by parents is down, and educators tend to correlate this decreased involvement with a lack of caring.
To find out how we arrived at the current state of affairs, a couple of years ago I set out to answer these and other mysteries in education. The end result of my quest was a book, The Lights Are On, Is Anybody Home? Education in America. What I discovered is that much of what goes on in America's schools is simply not rational. We have devised a system based on tradition and convenience that has little to do with what we know about how children think, learn, and behave or about what kids need. In essence, the American education system was, and still is, designed by adults for adults.
Why is parent involvement often so difficult? To begin with, because so many educators work so hard in a system that, at its core, is not rational, they often feel that involving anyone on the "outside" will just make their jobs harder. And in most cases, parents are on the outside. Moreover, a lot of teachers truly fear having parents in the classroom. This fear comes from a couple of different places. First, having been a classroom teacher myself for seven years, I can attest to the fact that teachers occasionally must deal with a "parent from hell"--a parent who really wants to kick someone's backside rather than resolve a problem. I have seen parents scream at, threaten, and generally make life miserable for teachers. Fortunately, this is a very rare occurrence, but it only takes one to jade a young teacher's feelings about parent involvement. Second, a teacher's work is often extremely challenging. A teacher must make decisions on the fly based upon the needs of 20 or 30 children; their choices don't necessarily make sense when taken out of the context of an entire school day. Some teachers are afraid that parents, who usually see only a "snapshot" of the classroom, will misinterpret or simply not understand what is going on.
Additionally, schools today typically aren't structured for meaningful parent involvement--they have been designed to function independently of parent and community participation, and their hierarchical structure gets in the way of open access. Administrators, particularly in public schools, are trained to "circle the wagons" when anything in the system is being questioned. The cultures existing within most schools are not conducive to parent participation either, at least not outside the narrow definition schools ascribe to it. Most educators, particularly teachers, gauge parent involvement in only a couple of ways: whether or not you show up for scheduled events such as back-to-school night and parent-teacher conferences, and whether or not you respond "satisfactorily" to their overtures regarding problems with your kids. Many parents do not, in fact, attend these scheduled events, and do not or cannot respond to problems the way the teachers want them to. This is why many teachers are convinced parents don't care.
It is, of course, absurd to suggest that any parent does not care about his or her child in general or the child's education in particular. Most parents care more about their kids than about anything else, but because of a multitude of factors ranging from economic stress to overwhelming schedules, parents often don't manifest care in the ways that educators expect them to. Single parents, parents working multiple jobs, parents without transportation, or those who are simply exhausted by the demands of life often can't make it to school events or can't make it at certain times.
One might argue that not finding the energy to support one's children in school is simply a failure to effectively prioritize one's life. This criticism fails to acknowledge a critical factor that some of us who have tried to be involved have discovered: In many cases, schools are so uninviting and inconvenient to us as parents that committing to school events not only requires scarce time and energy but participation in activities that are not rewarding nor easy to do. The average parent works all day, then comes home to prepare dinner for children, houseclean, pay the bills, etc. Then these exhausted parents must drag themselves to some event designed and controlled by school officials for school officials who have no relationship with, or understanding of, the parent, in a generally unfriendly and unstimulating environment. It's no wonder many of us choose instead to veg out in front of the TV.
<!--pagebreak-->When we do make it to school, just getting from the parking lot to a classroom is an ordeal. Wonderful signs like "ABSOLUTELY NO VISITORS ARE ALLOWED WITHOUT GOING TO THE OFFICE FIRST" adorn the front doors of many schools. A labyrinth of rules often governs access to classrooms, even by parents. Asking for information about curriculum or placement is like and usually requires scheduling a meeting. Obviously, schools have liability issues to worry about, and they cannot allow strangers to roam the halls, but most could still protect themselves while becoming much more friendly to parents.
The scheduling of school events is also not very convenient. In 1940, nearly 70 percent of families had one breadwinner and one homemaker who raised their own biological children. Today, fewer than 10 percent of families fit this Leave It to Beaver mold. No wonder parent attendance at conferences or assemblies during the school/workday is low in so many schools. And even for families who have a parent at home, many schools are often simply not very friendly. An example is events held at night or on weekends with no child care provided, or to which children are not invited.
In my consulting work for schools, I consistently find situations in which schools profess a commitment to a set of beliefs and objectives but create structures that either undermine their objectives or contradict their beliefs. It is common for schools to claim they want parents to be included, yet rarely align institutional policies and structures with that sentiment. For example, schools typically (1) schedule events at times many parents cannot attend, (2) contact parents directly only when there is a problem, (3) unilaterally determine what form parent involvement can take, (4) restrict parent access to the school and classrooms to times and circumstances that they determine, (5) close the school at nights and on weekends, (6) inform parents after a new policy or program is designed and implemented, (7) communicate in a language parents don't understand (figuratively in terms of "educationese" and literally in terms of failing to recognize that a newsletter in English will not work for a parent who speaks Vietnamese), (8) have no physical place where parents can comfortably congregate in the school, and (9) require formal meetings to answer simple questions such as: What is the classroom discipline policy? How are children assigned to classrooms?
So now that we have a broader understanding of factors that conspire against more active parent involvement, what can we as parents do to more effectively advocate for our children in their schools? First of all, we must remember that, in public schools at least, we have a legal right to involve ourselves in our children's education. We can be physically present in the school, and we have a right to information about the education our children receive.
If our involvement is going to help our children, however, it is in our interest to engage educators in ways that do not threaten them. We need to see our involvement as collaborative, and walking into the classroom trumpeting our legal rights is probably not the best approach.
So what does work? I offer the following seven-step plan as a starting point for improving your involvement in your children's schools and for improving their education in the process.
1. Personally meet your child's teacher. Research shows that teachers work harder for the children of parents whom they know personally. It also improves all communication down the line. If possible, meet your child's teacher before the school year begins; if not, as soon thereafter as possible.
2. Personally meet the school principal. The principal has the final say in many decisions that directly impact your child and is much more likely to make decisions that honor your wishes if he or she knows you personally. Additionally, having a personal relationship with the principal will facilitate access down the line if you need it.
3. Express your appreciation for the hard work your child's school does. This might seem a little corny, but schools can be very defensive entities, and the people in them are no different. Educators work very hard and often get little compensation or recognition in return. Expressing gratitude to teachers, teacher assistants, principals, and other educators can pave the way for productive involvement in the future and will encourage the folks in your child's school to respond positively to your future overtures and requests.
4. Share special insights about your child with his or her teacher. As a parent, you know more about your children than anyone else does. You know what things interest them, what things trigger them, etc. Sharing such information with teachers will strengthen your relationship and empower them to serve your children better.
5. Ask to see your child's schoolwork on a regular basis. In some cases, teachers will provide this automatically. If not, your request to see class work regularly (a biweekly folder sent home with your child is an easy way to accomplish this) provides several positive outcomes. First, it tells the teacher that you care about what your child is learning. Second, it will result in you being a more informed parent. And third, it suggests to your child that what she or he does in school is important.
6. Offer to help the teacher help your child (and others). This can be a crucial overture on your part because teachers are not accustomed to such initiative from parents. Such an offer allows you to demonstrate your desire to be involved, but on your terms. You may not be able to make back-to-school night, but you might offer to grade homework papers once a week, or to sponsor a parent phone tree. The point is not specifically how you are involved, but that you are involved.
7. Spend some time in your child's classroom. Although some teachers initially are not eager to have parents in the classroom, and although parent schedules make such a commitment challenging, there is no way to really understand what is happening in the classroom without spending some time there. Ideally, spend an entire day or even a couple of days. Several things will happen. First, you will likely find yourself in awe of the teacher. Second, you will develop a larger understanding of the way the classroom functions and how your child fits into that system. This insight is critical when it comes to advocating effectively for your child. It will also strengthen your relationship with the teacher, which, as mentioned above, is a crucial relationship to cultivate.
<!--pagebreak-->This seven-step plan is a starting point for more meaningful involvement in your child's school. Different parents will involve themselves at different levels and in various ways based upon their strengths, preferences, and experiences. Some of us may never set foot in a school building, but that doesn't mean we can't be involved in our children's education in profound ways. We must help schools in their efforts to broaden the definition of parent involvement. Such participation is key to improving not only the educational experience of our own children but of the entire educational system.
The fact is that the complexities and needs of today's schools present challenges that are far too great for educators to solve in isolation. Our involvement will go a long way toward meeting these challenges and will pay dividends for all, both now and in the future.
For more information about parent involvement in schools, see the following past issues of Mothering: "A Parent Cooperative," Issue 65; and "Where Do Parents Belong in Public Education?" Issue 62.
Wallace K. Pond, PhD, is director of on-line education at the College of Santa Fe and president of Educational , an educational consulting firm. He lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with his wife, Natalie, Addison (7), and Annamae (4). This article is adapted from his book The Lights Are On, Is Anybody Home? Education in America (East Rockaway, NY: Cummings & Hathaway, 2000).