Husband Exposes Children to TV

Ask the Experts

Naomi Aldort

Hi Naomi, My husband is addicted to television, movies and computers. He works from home and I provide a homeschooling self-directed learning enviornment for the two children age 5 and 6. I don't provide TV and rarely provide select movies for the children and no computer. I limit their time with him simply because he 'plugs them in' when he's with them. Sitters are challenging to find and keep in our neighborhood though. Not only is it an issue for me when he does this but after they are 'unplugged', it takes them hours and sometimes days to find their self-direction again. I've spoken with him many times about the potential consequences of heavy TV/movie viewing and he still falls back on his old habits. What I would like is all (three!) televisions out of the house. He refuses and says I'm taking away all his (their) fun. Any advice?

Dear Parent,

Your husband want TV at home and you want to raise your children without TV. Why is his will honored and yours not? Why don’t you reverse the set up by removing the TVs. Then, instead of you saying “He wont take the TV out,” he will be saying, “She won’t have TV in the house.” Notice how you feel when you read these words. Somehow we women still fall for unequal male dominance and imagining being equal startle us or make us feel guilty.

Your husband may have to give up some fun, but this won’t harm him. His job is to support your parenting and protect your efforts, and yet, it is up to you to generate such commitment in your marriage.

My guess is that your husband is a loving father who means well. Somehow, your communication did not convey to him how important this is to you. I find that when mothers provide clear leadership in parenting, fathers flow with it. You may have given your husband’s need for “fun” power beyond its scope (in your mind,) and you may have relinquished your own power and rights in order to please him.

I would remove the TVs and have one computer in a corner of the least accessible room in the house. My husband is a TV and movies addict as well. He has been spending

time at his computer at work, watching TV at friends’ and going to the movies on his own. He is free to have fun, but not to impose it on others.

When we become parents, many personal wants give way to the better good of the children. This includes your wanting to keep your husband happy. As parents, we shift from wanting things for ourselves, to wanting for our children. Men make the transition with more ease when mothers lead the way.

Be the mama bear you know yourself to be and your husband will follow. If he hasn’t so far, it is because you are not clear with your words and actions. He wants to be your partner, not your enemy. But, it is your job to lead the way.

If you find this advice not easy to follow, I would be happy to guide you in a couple of phone sessions.

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Husband Exposes Children to TV

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