Sleep!

Congratulations on your dedication to finding a gentle solution to sleep for you all!

I’m guessing you are needing some ease and support with this. In my experience, the second year can be the most challenging in terms of sleep- and mothers of toddlers certainly need rest and replenishment to keep up with their child’s energy, and also some time out for themselves. 

The first question I would wonder about whether your son may have some physical discomfort. I would recommend a check-up with an osteopath or chiropractor who is skilled with children. Sometimes subtle misalignments can contribute to sleep and feeding issues.

 It may be worth looking at his diet, in terms of allergies and intolerances, although this is a large area that may take time to unravel. If you want to explore this, find an experienced nutritionist and consider an exclusion diet, adding new foods every 1-2 weeks and looking for reactions. However, I would suggest leaving this to last, unless you already have concerns. It is likely that his nutritional needs are well met by breast milk, so I would not be too concerned about his diet from that perspective.

Second, I would be wondering why he is so wound up. Is he a sensitive child? Are there significant stresses in his life, including in his emotional environment? I would be looking for ways you can help to reduce his stress levels in the day, and/or help him to let off steam before sleep. I like the approach of allowing “crying in arms” – see Aletha Solter’s book Tears and Tantrums for more about this.

Alternatively, rough play and laughter can help to release muscular tension – try this an hour or so before sleep times, or at another regular time later in the day. This may be an activity that your son’s father or other adult could enjoy with him.

 I would also be wondering about your own situation. Children are very sensitive to the state of those around them, and can sometimes play out our own tensions. Focusing as far as possible on your own needs at this time will, at the least, support you during this intense time, and may also help to calm your son.

It may be also worth reflecting on your own experiences at his age. Our children have an uncanny capacity to replay our own experiences, which can give us a beautiful opportunity for conscious attention and healing for our own childhood pains. Finding a supportive friend, group or therapist may be helpful, if you recognize this in your current situation.

For yourself, I would recommend that you find yourself time to nap when your son does, and/or choose a replenishing activity at this time- reading a book, taking a bath, doing some yoga, gentle stretching, meditation, or listening to music. Even better, have a regular massage or bodywork session, taking time to thank and appreciate your body for all it is doing to nurture your son. For some mothers, exercise can be equally replenishing.

Also it would be very helpful to find some time-out for yourself if possible; maybe you have a friend with a young child, with whom you can swap childcare regularly.

For more about sleep issues, see my website www.sarahjbuckley.com

Many blessings on your journey, gentle mother.

Resources

Look for my sleep bundle- ebooks and audio, available after April 2010 at www.sarahjbuckley.com