Respecting the child with autism

Dear Parent,

I do not find labels useful, only distracting from noticing who the child really is. It is our job to get to know him and respond to his specific ways of being. Notice who your son is and respond to his direction, personality and needs.

Why put a child in a setting he is not able to handle? If your child is not getting along with peers, don’t put him in this painful situation. If he wants to be with them, find or hire someone a few years older than him to play with. An older child has more mature social skills and your son is more likely to follow his leadership.

Your child is also normal when he does not want to share. If you see other children sharing, it only means that they have been coerced to do so and are pleasing their parents. In this very materialistic society, children don’t like to share. Where can they see sharing? When the honking of a car goes off to declare, “its mine its mine don’t touch it?” Or when they see the pile of paper you sign to say, “This is MY house, not anyone else?” Your child sees people clinging to their money, exchanging services for money, holding their possessions as very important, and share very little and only with select people. Adults don’t share when they don’t want to. Why should a child not have the same right to decide if and with who he wishes to share?

When it comes to children, we often confuse cooperation with obedience. We want the child to “cooperate” with what we dictate. That’s not cooperation. That’s manipulation and control. If your child is refusing to be compliant, congratulate yourself for his assertiveness and authenticity.

Instead of accepting a label, I suggest that you see your son as a normal boy with his own path and his own ways of being. Respond to who he is, give him plenty of outdoor physical activity, consider diet changes, check him for toxicity and don’t put him in situations he cannot handle well. 

Warmly,  Naomi Aldort,  www.AuthenticParent.com