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	ask the experts michelle mason

Michelle Mason
Child and Family Advocacy

• How do you make your community or neighborhood child-friendly? Where do you start?
• I'm writing to find out the best way to teach a 4 year old empathy for other living creatures? My son was caught w/an older friend stabbing a poor lizard. My son is basically a sweet and loving little guy, but this surprised me. I just don't know the best way to handle the situation. I explained to him that this lizard could be someone's mother and would he like it if someone hurt me? This brought tears and he said, "No." But I'm afraid he may be apt to follow an older child who is doing this type of thing again.

How do you make your community or neighborhood child-friendly? Where do you start?

The best place to start is by looking at the businesses that you frequent often with your children and give them a CFI "How-to-Kit" (available through our website at www.childfriendly.org or by calling 800-500-5234). This "How-to Kit" gives local businesses a general criteria of simple suggestions to welcome children. Also, we can put you in touch with other mothers who are working in their communities and have had great success. We also are happy to help you get started - just get in touch with CFI.

Also consider going to the places that are already child-friendly and giving them our Seal of Approval, this will encourage other businesses to take the initiative. We have a wonderful "Children Welcome Here" logo they can adhere to their door.

I'm writing to find out the best way to teach a 4 year old empathy for other living creatures? My son was caught w/an older friend stabbing a poor lizard. My son is basically a sweet and loving little guy, but this surprised me. I just don't know the best way to handle the situation. I explained to him that this lizard could be someone's mother and would he like it if someone hurt me? This brought tears and he said, "No." But I'm afraid he may be apt to follow an older child who is doing this type of thing again.

Four is a very sensitive age, so I am sure your son was distraught after
your conversation. See ( Fearful Fours, Mothering Feb 1990)

Whenever there is an obstacle in our children's life, it gives us the opportunity to discuss the situation, and show the right way. Modeling positive behavior is the best way for our children to learn, it sounds like someone was not doing the best modeling. But know it gives you the chance to say " it is a mistake to hurt someone" and telling your son his older friend made a mistake is a good way to approach it.

You can tell your son that the lizard didn't like being poked at because it didn't feel good. I wouldn't worry about your son. But be sure to know what older kids he is spending time with and maybe having the discussion with the older child would be a good idea, remarking to him that your younger son is learning from him and this gives him a chance to teach your child some great things.