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news bulletins  september
2001 |
- Connecting
- Dads and Daughters: Responding to These Acts of Terror
- More Resources for helping children deal with the Tragedy
- A Letter From Mothers in Israel and Palestinians
Article continues below
Connecting
by Cynthia Good Mojab, MS
I understand that violence happens every day all over the world. I understand that death will eventually come to each of us. But my heart still has not managed to understand the horrific events of September 11, 2001. The number of lives lost so unexpectedly in such a brief period of time is more than I can take in. I felt the same overwhelming horror and disbelief during a high school history class when I watched old news footage of the devastation in Hiroshima. For the first time in my young life I had felt hysteria rise within me. My question then and today remains: "How could this happen?"
I am exhausted from my efforts to answer this question, to grasp the complex realities of evil and good, power and oppression, wealth and poverty, love and hate... I am exhausted from trying to determine what I must do differently in my life in the face of this crime against humanity. The only thing clear in the wreckage of my heart is that I must build community in every place that I am, in every role that I have, in every way that I can. I must ask myself anew: To what group do I belong? With which people do I share a common fate? With whom am I similar in my joys and sorrows? In one era the answer for many would have been: my kin, my tribe, my nation. Today the answer resounds loudly in my heart: I am connected to the world. We are all brothers and sisters. Harm to one is harm to all.
I have lived biculturally and bilingually for over sixteen years. My life is richer because of this. It is also more complicated. I have learned, for example, that "common sense" is by no means universal. And I know that I cannot assume that what I say in my second language will be taken the way that I meant it had I said it in my first. I have to put on and take off "cultural shoes" repeatedly and intentionally throughout my ordinary day. In my first community, American, I am a member of the dominant group. I do most of my work, get medical care, buy groceries, share mothering support and have most of my closest friendships in this community. I experience the daily overprivilege of this membership-though I was reared not to see it. In my second community, Iranian, I am a minority. I have family, friends and acquaintances. We come together for dinner, yard work, concerts and holidays. I have been warmly welcomed. But I still often feel awkward, wrong and on the outside looking in.
In reality, I live on the edge of two cultures-a full member of neither. I am so different from my monolingual, monocultural Anglo-American family and friends as to feel out of place among them, too. Through my personal experiences and my work as a cross-cultural researcher, I have become an observer of culture: I see what is not meant to be seen. My awareness of culture prevents my blind participation in it. And my sense of identity has been changed forever.
My experience of the terrorist attacks on the US is necessarily complex. I am grieving the loss of so many lives and anticipating additional losses in the upcoming military response. What will the final tally be? How many innocents will die? I am grieving the loss of a sense of security I once took for granted-another overprivilege of my membership in a dominant culture, this time at a global scale. I am afraid that terrorists could strike again. But now I also fear my fellow white, privileged Americans.
Since the attacks, I have already heard about acts of hatred and prejudice against innocent people whose only crime is that they appear to be of Middle Eastern origin. I expect that more such acts will come. Will they come to my family? To my friends? To my community? I know of American citizens of Iranian descent who are afraid to leave their homes, to gather in public spaces, to wear clothing that identifies them as Moslem, to pick up their family at the airport, to reveal their cultural heritage for fear of losing the job they finally found after months of unemployment. I know of children who have been harassed in school based solely on the fact that they are of Iranian descent. In the search for safety, families have curtailed their own freedom, choosing to grieve with trusted neighbors instead of at larger public memorial services where they sorely wished to be. Parents have discussed the need to speak Farsi, their and their children's first language, in public settings with intent-not spontaneity-lest it endanger their family. They struggle to cope with their grief and with their children's grief, as well as to protect themselves and their children from crimes of hate and prejudice.
The evening news warns us that terrorists could be living in our own neighborhoods: we must all be vigilant. Of people who are different, that is. Of the minority, of the dark skinned, of those with an accent. I understand this reaction. I understand this fear. But it is not difference, dark skin and accents that should be feared. It is terrorism. Terrorism. Can we not understand this distinction?
So many of our Anglo-American family and friends have called or emailed us to express their concern for our safety. To tell us they understand that this situation must have additional levels of concern for us. To express their regret that we have anything in particular to fear. I am grateful that there are those who make the distinction. How did they know to make it? How can others learn to make it?
Connection is the answer. For all of us. Talk to your neighbors, even if they are different from you-especially if they are different from you. Call in to the radio talk shows. Tell your story. Express your support. Invite your co-workers over for dinner. Attend a community meeting-held by a group to which you once felt you did not belong. Pursue a friendship. Arrange for your children to play with children of different heritages. Get involved in your community-all of your community. Co-create potlucks, concerts or religious services that are intercultural, multigenerational, inter-faith. Bring your children. Show them how to connect by doing it yourself. Read the literature and learn the history of cultures different from your own. Read about prejudice. Share what you learn with your children. Read together. Choose to step outside your comfort zone. Extra effort is needed. Be brave. The survival of the world depends on it.
The mainstream American ideal of independence leads to a vulnerable alienation in the absence of connection. Freedom without responsibility is anarchy. In reality, we are all interdependent: we all need each other. We must build community in every place that we are, in every role that we have, in every way that we can. We must ask ourselves anew: To what group do we belong? With which people do we share a common fate? With whom are we similar in our joys and sorrows? Let the answer resound loudly in all of our hearts. Let it show in all of our actions: We are connected to the world. We are all brothers and sisters. Harm to one is harm to all.
Suggested Reading
Dicks, D., Ed. Breaking Convention with Intercultural Romances: Personal Accounts. Freedom, CA: Crossing Press, 1995.
Grearson, J. C. & Smith, LB., Eds. Swaying: Essays on Intercultural Love. Iowa City, IA: University of Iowa Press, 1995.
McIntosh, P. White privilege: Unpacking the invisible knapsack. Independent School, Winter 1990, 49(2): 31-35.
Triandis, H. Culture and Social Behavior. New York: McGraw-Hill 1994.
About the Author:
Cynthia Good Mojab, MS clinical psychology, is a private researcher and author writing about issues related to psychology, culture and the family-particularly in regard to breastfeeding. She is an award-winning researcher whose cross-cultural work was recognized by the American Psychological Foundation in 1995. Cynthia's website, Ammawell (http://home.attbi.com/~ammawell), was listed among "websites for a better world" in the July-August 2000 issue of Mothering; it offers parenting and breastfeeding information, support and publications. She lives in Oregon with her husband and their five-year-old daughter.
Dads and Daughters: Responding to These Acts of Terror
Dads and Daughters
Update September 17, 2001
A biweekly service from DADs.
Dads and Daughters extends our deepest sympathy to all who've been
directly effected by the disasters in Pennsylvania, New York and
Washington DC. It's hard to know how to react to the horrific events we
witnessed on Tuesday. Feelings of loss, anger, guilt and fear combine
with hundreds of other emotions while we watched in disbelief. We now
have the difficult task of deciding what we as a nation and as individuals
will do from this point forward. Parents have an even more daunting task
of explaining these events to their children. DADs dedicates this update
to that task.
We've compiled a list of resources to aid in helping you and your children
make some sense of last week's events. Everyone's response is unique,
but hopefully you will find peace for you and your children.
Parents face problems explaining crisis to children
http://www.theeagle.com/region/
localregional/091201explainchildren.htm
Talking to Your Children - How to Explain the Disaster
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/living/
DailyNews/wtc_children010912.html
Parents should try to keep normal routine in aftermath of events
http://www.zwire.com/
Helping Children Cope with Disaster
http://www.naeyc.org/coping_with_disaster.htm
Tragedy will change all of us
http://www.chieftain.com/wednesday/news/index/article/18
There is a monumental difference between a band of Islamic
fundamentalists and Arabs and Muslims around the world. Islam deplores
terrorism; Arabs are a people of many faiths. Only a small number of
Palestinians cheered death and destruction in the United States. At this
time we must resist the impulse to categorize and demonize.
The outrage over a tragedy like this invokes feelings of hatred and
revenge towards those responsible. The key words here are "those
responsible". In the aftermath of this devastation, please be sure that
neither you nor your children condemn a race of people for what only a
few have done. Here are a few links that may help.
Cultural Diversity: A Word About Differences
http://www.mcgruff.org/diversity.htm
World Conference Against Racism
http://www.igc.org/igc/gateway/arn/worldconf/index.html
DADs regular columnist Hank Shaw reflects on this question in his latest
"Here's the Deal."
http://www.dadsanddaughters.org/Hank%20Shaw/Crusade9-17-01.htm
Tides Foundation (a key supporter of DADs) has established the Tides
9/11 Fund to support both short term and long term relief efforts in New
York and Washington DC. The Tides 9/11 Fund will support immediate
relief needs partnering with existing philanthropic efforts as they develop
as well as support immediate and long term efforts to promote a just and
peaceful national response to this crisis.
To contribute to this fund, you can donate via Donate Now! Button
https://www.egrants.org/donate/564/index.cfm?ID=2375-0|1203-0 or
contact info@tides.org.
This is a time when we may feel like our hands are tied, helpless against
the actions of others. Now is the time to encourage your children to get
active and make a difference. Participate in our actions with your children
and explain to them how they can help make a difference. Here's an
activist site for children that may also help empower your children.
Youth Action Net
http://www.youthactionnet.org/
Dads and Daughters, the national membership nonprofit, provides tools to
strengthen father-daughter relationships and to transform pervasive
messages that value daughters more for how they look than who they are.
To get this Update or to stop getting it, email info@dadsanddaughters.org
DADs: PO Box 3458, Duluth, MN 55803. 888-824-3237. DADs is a
registered Minnesota and IRS 501(c)3 nonprofit. Update copyright 2001.
Please reprint, but always acknowledge the source and list website:
http://www.dadsanddaughters.org/. Thanks. Remember: Please hug your
children and Take Care.
Resources and Guidelines to Help your Children
From Diane Levin, Ph.D. Wheelock College, Boston, MA.; 617-879-2167;
dlevin@wheelock.edu
Materials on the web:
Website with resources for teachers:
http://www.eduhound.com
Talking to Children About Violence and Other Sensitive and Complex
Issues in
the World
http://www.esrnational.edu/guide.htm
When Your Kids Hear about Scary News (D. Levin)
http://www.beansprout.net/
What Do We Tell Our Children? (B. Meltz, Boston Globe)
http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/255/living/
What_do_we_tell_out_children_P.shtml
Talking to Kids about Tragedy: How to Respond to Fears, Questions
http://womencentral.msn.com/parenting/articles/tragedy.asp
Discussing the News with 3- to 7-Year-Olds: What to Do? (S. Gurewitz
Clemens)
http://www.naeyc.org/resources/eyly/1998/22.htm
Helping Kids Handle Tragic Headlines (Sears)
http://www.parenting.com/parenting/experts/sears/news.html
Talking with Children about Violence (Children Now)
http://www.talkingwithkids.org/violence.html
Books and Articles:
Cairns, E. & Dunn, J. (1996). Children & Political Violence
(Understanding
Children's Worlds). NY: Blackwells.
Carlsson-Paige, N. & Levin, D. (1998). Before Push Comes to Shove:
Building
Conflict Resolution Skills with Children. St. Paul: MN: Redleaf Press.
[Companion children's book: Best Day of the Week by Carlsson-Paige.]
Carlsson-Paige, N. & Levin, D.E. (1990). Who's Calling the Shots? How
to
Respond Effectively to Children's Fascination with War Play, War Toys,
and
Violent TV. Gabriola Island, BC, CA: New Society.
Deskin, G. & Steckler, G. When Nothing Makes Sense: Disaster, Crisis,
&
Their Effects on Children. (1996). Minneapolis, MN: Fairview Press.
Garbarino, J. (1996). Let's Talk about Living in a World with
Violence.
Chicago: Erikson Institute.
Garbarino, J. et al. (1991). No Place to Be a Child: Growing Up in a
War
Zone. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.
Keller, S.F. (1988). Good Grief: Helping Groups of Children When a
Friend
Dies. Boston: New England Association for the Education of Young
Children.
Levin, D.E. (1994). Teaching Young Children in Violent Times:
Building a
Peaceable Classroom. Cambridge, MA: Educators for Social
Responsibility.
Levin, D.E. (March/April, 1995). Understanding and Responding to the
Violence in Children's Lives. Beginnings Workshop: Violence in the
Lives of
Children; Child Care Information Exchange. #102, 34-38.
Levin, D.E. (1998). Remote Control Childhood: Combating the Hazards
of
Media Culture. (Wash, DC: Nat'l Assoc. for the Ed. of Young Ch,
1998). [See
Ch. 7: "When Pretend Meets Real: Responding to Violence in the News".]
Marsh, C. (1999) Tough Stuff: How to Talk to Kids about Disturbing
Contemporary Issues, including Sex in the White House, Guns at School,
Drugs
Everywhere, War, and More. NY: Gallopade International.
Obiakor, F., Mehring, T. & Schwenn, J. (1997) Disruption, Disaster,
and
Death: Helping Students Deal with Crises. Reston, VA: Council for
Exceptional Children.
Terr, L.C. (1990). Too Scared to Cry: Psychic Trauma in Childhood.
NY:
Harper & Row.
Trozzi, Maria. (1999). Talking with Children about Loss: Words,
Strategies,
and Wisdom to Help Children Cope with Death, Divorce, and Other
Difficult
Times. Berkley Publishing Group, 1999.
A Letter From Mothers in Israel and Palestinians
Dear friends,
I feel so sad and shocked by what happened two days ago. It is hard to
understand the magnitude and depth of this horror. I think we will be
getting a deeper understanding in the next couple of days as we begin to
hear personal stories of survivors. I do think it is a time for all who care
about justice and peace to unite and work together to bring about a world
change, but first I personally need some time to grieve. I think we all do.
And grieving for me means feeling sadness and anger and fear and everything
else that comes up and then later after the strong wave has passed,
beginning to think of how I can personally do more for Peace everyday - both
inner peace, peace in my home, community and the world. I love you all very
much and send you my open arms to cry in.
I am also enclosing some letters I received from Israelis who are taking
action to help the Palestinians. Please take time to read them, I think they
are Beautiful.
Love, Nitzan
The following message comes from the Palestinian town of Beit Sahour on the
West Bank. Their unambiguous condemnation of the barbaric attack yesterday
stands in stark contrast to the message the major media is putting out about
Palestinian "joy" over this heinous act.
Not that the official media are "wrong." -- No doubt some Palestinians are
celebrating this successful attack on what they see as the supplier of arms
and
money to their occupiers.
But the official media ARE wrong in not reporting the mix of opinion, in not
reporting the truth of deep disagreements among Palestinians.
Some are horrified at this attack, as they have been by attacks on Israeli
civilians. [After the Beit Sahour report, see also the report from East
Jerusalem.]
From: Beit Sahour Municipality
In the name of Beit Sahour Municipality and in the name of each and
every citizen of the Shepherds field Beit Sahour; we convey our deepest
condolences to the entire American people for the horrific loss of
innocent lives as a result of the horrible acts of terror. In
particular, we share the grievances of all the families of the victims.
We pray to God to please give these families the patience and the
strength.
As Palestinians who suffer daily form acts of Israeli aggression
against our innocent people, we cannot find the words to express how
shocked we were to see the horrific scenes on TV. We condemn such acts
and we do not accept such horrific acts in the 3rd millennium where
peace, prosperity, and freedom should cover the whole world.
We reiterate our deepest condemnation of this horrible act on these
innocent humans. No matter how can we express our sorrow, we can't find
enough words to say how sorry we are.
Please let us work together to stop these acts of terrorism all over the
world. Let us work hand in hand for establishing a safer world to live
in.
P.S. Please pass on this message to all our friends; we want them to
know that each person in Beit Sahour shares this message with us.
Yesterday - exactly when it happened - we were preparing a message to our
list
about more house demolitions by the Jerusalem municipality, and the invasion
of
the West Bank town Jenin by the Israeli army.
Then a friend phoned warning us to immediately open CNN, We were just in tim
e
to see a plane fly into the World Trade Center's other tower. While we were
glued, like everybody else, to the TV screen we gradually realised that we
weren't watching another terrorist attack, like those to which we ourselves
are
exposed as part of the revenge-upon-revenge cycle of bloodshed in which our
army and Palestinian militias had gotten themselves, and which apart from
the
fear and the human tragedy only made hope that the occupation will ever end
fade away, but to which we nearly got used during the past months here in
Israel/Palestine. What we witnessed here on our screens was so terrible and
so
huge; the world would not be the same after this day. The calculated
decision
to hijacking planes full of passengers and turn them into big
suicide-missiles
with a combined killing potential nearing that of atom
bombs - and all that without any warning, no demands made...
But now it's the day after.
This night the Israeli army continued the invasion and penetrated deeply
into
the town of Jenin and destroyed the local police station. In this and other
attacks by the IDF (and in one case by settlers) a total of eleven
Palestinians were killed - one of them a nine-year old girl. Israeli forces
still
impose a strict siege of Jenin with its tens of thousands of inhabitants,
preventing even the passage of medical crews and patients, and in the
process violating the "A" areas which according to Oslo should be under
exclusive Palestinian control.
At any other time, all of the above would constitute a major news item on
CNN and BBC, and international diplomatic initiatives would already be afoot
to ease the crisis and get the army out of the Jenin area. Now, the world
looks elsewhere and Sharon feels himself to have carte blanche.
We face days of unchecked rampage, with bloodshed unnoticed by the
world. We will do what little we can - at least by trying to fill in for the
mainstream media and passing on what we hear.
- Following is the report which we got yesterday about the demolition of
Palestinian houses in Jerusalem. (It may not seem so dramatic against the
background of what is on everybody's mind. But the story of injustice which
plants the seeds of future hatred deserves to be told.)
Jerusalem, Tuesday morning Sept. 11. Bulldozers of the Jerusalem
Municipality, under the protection of dozens of heavily armed police and
Special Forces arrived at the Arab neighborhood of Beit Hanina. They
destroyed the home of the elderly widow Aisha Abu Na'am and her daughter,
and the house where Issa and Merriam Jaradat had lived with their five
children. Then the bulldozers put their teeth into the home of the Bader
family, but after the kitchen, bedroom and children's room were destroyed a
quick legal action by lawyer Jawad Boulos succeeded in halting the
destruction, saving the last two rooms.
Five more "illegal" Palestinian homes in Beit Hanina are in imminent
danger.
The Committee Against House Demolition plans to help the families rebuild.
For when and where, phone Rabbi Arik Asherman 050-607034
Dear all,
Please take the time to read the first few passages of this message,
explaining our decision to hold our convoy this Saturday. Thank you.
This is to remind you that this Saturday, September 15th, we will be
holding a solidarity convoy of food, water and school-equipment to the
demolished villages in South Hebron area. Please find bellow details on
transportation arrangements and general instructions.
Since several people have expressed worry about the fact that we are
holding the convoy in spite of yesterday's horrendous events, we would
like to state our reasons.
After yesterday's events the closure on the west bank has been severely
tightened, and the plan of deviding the west bank into several isolated
areas has been implemented. This means that people there are unable to
transport and deliver supplies from one area to the other, and those who
suffer most are the residents of poor areas such as the one we're headed
to. Therefore our convoy is now needed even more than before.
On top of that, we strongly believe that especially in times like these,
when all around us the situation is painted in terms of black and white,
darkness and light, it is vital that we keep an island of sanity, of
cooperation, of solidarity and trust - an alternative reality of living
together as good neighbours with our Palestinian allies. We do not
intend to change our practice. We do not intend to endanger any of the
people involved in our action. But neither do we intend to give up
without resistance: as always, our way is that of non-violent resistance
through actual contact, solidarity and cooperation between human beings
on both sides. As always, we will rely on the advice and request of our
Palestinian partners in the area - if they advise us not to come, we
will comply. Otherwise, we will insist on being given the chance to
perform our action but will not resort to violence while doing that, as
that would be in total contradiction to our message of an alternative of
peaceful neighborhood, cooperation and solidarity amidst the chaos
surrounding us.
Before the technical details - several people offered us donations of
second-hand clothes. As these need sorting beforehand it wouldn't be
appropriate. Please contact Rabbies for Human Rights (Jerusalem) or
Windows (Tel Aviv) for this purpose.
