Sharing

When 2-1/2 year-olds snatch toys from one another, it is first necessary to understand that it is completely normal. Young children learn everything by imitation-and it's on such a deep level that it's involuntary, just as when you yawn right after someone sitting next to you has yawned. So when a toddler sees another child playing with something or doing something, they
naturally want to do the same thing! They have no concept yet of ownership or of sharing. Children's play at this age tends to be alone with an object or next to one another, not the creative "stream-of-consciousness" play that starts around age 3-1/2, or the socially directed play of the 4-5 year old.

However, our task remains to guide children, gradually, into the social graces and to teach them "right action." So here are some guiding principles, which will vary according to the actual situation. The first thing to do is to check the environment to make sure that it is rich with objects, and some that are similar. In Waldorf circles we provide toys that are often household utensils, objects from nature, or toys made from natural materials because the "living qualities" of wood, cotton and silk bring a different message to the child's open senses than does plastic or other
man-made materials.

The next thing is to breathe and relax ourselves. We need to not react with anger or frustration, but calmly to enter ourselves into the situation. We might offer to trade another toy so the first child can resume his or her play. Because children learn by imitation, be careful not to snatch the toy from the second child-your actions trump your words every time. And let your words be positive, saying what you want to see happen, such as "We share with our friends" rather than, "Don't do that!" Then you might turn to the first child and ask, "Can you give Jonah a turn with the truck now? Come let's...."

There's no "one right formula" for dealing with this situation-only a number of small events which, together with the child's increasing maturation, will result in his or her learning social skills. If we remember, above all else, that children learn through imitation, then we'll employ the principles of modeling and movement to help them learn what needs to be done, rather than punishment or being excessively verbal and rational about what has just happened.