Taking Things

Parenting

Naomi Aldort

Dear Naomi - I've read your book, Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves, so this is very new to me. I'm not sure what to do when it comes to taking - other people's things from their property. When we are taking a walk, they will go into someone elses yard and want to take whatever it is they find. I've said to them that they can not take something that belongs to someone else. Or when we're out, and they find something, I tell them that some little boy/girl lost it and are probably looking for it (and are probably real sad). They respond by saying, "We can do anything we want, and you are telling us what to do." How do I respond to that?

Dear parent,

It seems to me that your children are asking for clarity in two issues: They need to know how to act in this society, and they are also confused about your role as their parent/guide. In your attempt to respect your children and go with their flow, you may be confusing freedom with license. You are not alone; this confusion is very common. Please watch my video “You are the leader” on my site: http://naomialdort.com/lectures.html

The real issue is not the children’s use of other people’s things (that’s just the symptom.) Instead the question is, why don’t they happily respond to your guidance and seek it. I would love to help you find the reason the children don’t respond to your words and restore their trust in you. You can be a parent whose word is not feared yet also not undermined; a parent whose guidance is wanted and valued in a context of trust, connection and love. I am sure this is what you want. We can be clear in guiding children’s ways so they flow with society and respect others’ property. Such clarity can be totally kind and respectful without inviting opposition. Your child want it. They want to behave in a way that helps them belong to this society.

I suggest that you explore your fear of leading and your modeling at home. Do you respect the children’s toys, food, clothes? Do they observe you and others around them, honoring what belongs to another? Find where they learned that everything is for them and that they should always have what they want, and why they don’t see you as their ally to trust and respond to.

I highly recommend that you book yourself a phone session with me so we can address your question at the core and bring trust and mutual responsiveness to your relationship with your children. You can sign up here: http://naomialdort.com/guidance.html

Warmly,

Naomi Alodrt

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Taking Things

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