Time Together

Dear new mommy,

It seems to me like you are responding to your baby's needs beautifully. What you are doing helps your baby see herself as part of your life rather than the center of it. Later she will learn to include a larger community of people and develop a healthy sense of belonging. Doing things side by side with your baby, or while the baby is in a sling, is a wonderful way to raise a child who is not self-centered and learns to see herself as part of a community.

Babies give very clear cues. The key to being able to do things side by side with your baby is the ability to drop what you are doing abruptly and be promptly responsive to your baby's needs. When the baby does not feel stress around getting her needs met, she will not associate playing by your side with fear of not getting what she needs. On the other side, yes, be careful not to give her the message that you expect her to please you by giving up what she needs.

From what you say, I cannot know if this is happening. The key is prompt and joyful response. If you try to do just a little more and emote dissatisfaction with the interruption, then yes, you project an expectation that a sensitive and smart baby might live up to. To avoid that, stay so connected that you can sense her need even before she expresses it and stop what you are doing with excitement to be with her. Then take care of your baby without yearning to get back to your activities. If you try to set her up with some toy, she might indeed get the message and live up to your expectations. Completely respond to her needs and she can play by your side as much as she wants. By the way, this phase won't last long. Enjoy and get ready to move on.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort  www.AuthenticParent.com