Three-Year-Old Wants Only Mama

Dear Parent,

Your dynamics with your child are very common. There are a couple of possible reasons for his strategy with you. The most obvious one is that you may leave too often or for too long. He is smart to know that once you are away, there is no point being miserable or asking for you. But, when you are back he wants to make up for lost time. He years for you the whole time you are away and becomes clingy and whiny for fear that you will go away again. He mistreats others in an attempt to communicate to YOU that he does not like being with them without you. It is a “show and tell,” without the telling part.

Ideally, a three-year-old wants and needs to be with his mother at all times. It is best if, while he is with other people, mother stays present. 

An additional issue can be that, unintentionally, you taught your child that the way to get more of you is to demonstrate unhappiness. If you give him more care when he is whiny and if you always strive to make him happy by compensating and by interrupting upsets, your child will tend to cooperate with your approach and produce upsets when you are around, in an effort to show you that things aren’t so great with him. He believes that this will get him more of your love and presence. 

If, after reading my response, you still cannot see how you have been teaching your child these innocent strategies, you may want to book yourself a phone session with me and I will assist you in discovering the source of his behavior. 

Warmly, Naomi Aldort http://AuthenticParent.com