Transition to New Home

My question—how hard is this going to be on my son and daughter? How do I help them transition to living with their father and leaving two people who have become very important in their lives? Their father does not think there is anything to worry about since he is their father. I am not sure how much my little girl really remembers of him, but will say "Hi Daddy" on the phone.

First, let me say that children are resilient. They can adapt to change fairly easily. Now, having said that, I have the following things for you to think about:

1. How committed are you to the children's father and making this relationship work and how committed is he to you and the relationship? The more committed and confident you are the better for the children. If they can sense any uncertainty about the relationship and/or move from you it can cause them to feel anxious, etc.
2. Accept that the change will be a loss for the children. They will grieve (there are five stages to the grieving process: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance) the closeness they have had with their grandparents. The anger your son is experiencing is part of the grieving process. He is already anticipating the move and it makes him angry to imagine losing the contact with his grandparents. It will be very important for you to work extra hard on maintaining that relationship through regular visits, phone calls, and mail.
3. "Moving so far away" as you put it is a legitimate concern. What kind of supports will you and the children have where you are moving to? Will you be working? What if the marital relationship does not work out? Finally, it will be important for you to continue to build the relationship between your children and their father in anticipation of the move and if possible, have a few more visits before the move takes place. If you decide not to move, their father is still their father and working at increasing visits there or in your home state will still be important so that the children know their father as their father and their grandparents as their grandparents.