Violent Partner

Ask the Experts

Ellen Craine

My boyfriend and I have a two-year-old son. Since right before I was pregnant, he started using violent, verbal outbursts towards me, usually when drinking. After my son was born he became worse: yelling, saying things that he knew would hurt me, calling me horrible names that I cannot repeat. He has no control over his temper. He throws things and breaks many of my son's toys and my things as well. When I tell him to leave my house he refuses and starts screaming about how I got pregnant on purpose and trapped him. I was 36-years-old when I got pregnant, and my son is my first and only child. Then he'll turn around and threaten to take my son from me. He is one step away from hitting us, and I know this because I grew up with a violent father. My son clings to me constantly and whenever he is hurt or wants something, he comes to me. My boyfriend gets angry because he feels our son does not like him. When I try to be logical with him and explain why our son is the way he is, he feels I put all the blame on him. He will take no responsibility for his own behavior. Whenever things get out of hand, I am the one who puts my son in the car and leaves my own house because he won't. I am at my wit's end, and I am very worried about how this behavior is affecting my son.

You have every right to worry about your son! I worry about your son, too. I worry about him because he is a victim of domestic abuse. I also worry about him because his mother is a victim, too.

Nowhere do you say that you still love your boyfriend, so I am assuming that you want to end the relationship and you want him to leave. If this is correct, then there are several things you can do right away:

1. Contact a domestic violence shelter or women's resource center in your area. The shelter or women's resource center can be a resource for counseling to help you break the cycle of abuse for you and your son. In addition, it could be a temporary safe place for you to stay during your boyfriend's legal removal from your house.

2. Contact an attorney. You can even get a referral and possibly some free initial legal advice from the women's resource center or domestic violence shelter. You need to legally protect yourself and your son as quickly as possible.

3. Pack an emergency bag for you and your son with clothes, birth certificates for you and your son, social security cards, any other important legal documents (house deed or lease showing you are the sole owner or lease, title to your car, if you have one, and so on), and some money, credit cards or checks in case you need to leave in a hurry. You might even want to take these items to a safe haven (a trusted friend or family member or the shelter) for safe keeping.

4. Put your car keys in a safe place where only you know where they are.

5. Have an emergency contact person that you can trust and call if things get really bad.

6. Be prepared to call the police and have him removed from your house if his name is not on the lease or deed to your home. He has already been physical with you by throwing and breaking things.

I pray that when you get this that you and your son are safe and that you will take the necessary steps to make you both safer, physically and emotionally. Good luck!

Find us on facebook	Follow us on twitter
Subscribe to our RSS feed	Follow us on Pinterest

Violent Partner

Discussions