We all need a good laugh sometimes, especially in the face of parenthood, and certainly these days!
There are days in parenting when you might feel like you’re alone out there- that your kids are the only children in the world who constantly fight each other, that you’re the only parent out there that feels like pulling their hair out, or that you’re children are the only children out there who cry that their brother got the blue cup when they asked for the green cup but actually wanted the blue cup (major eye roll).
This collection of parenting quotes will have you nodding your head, shaking your head, and laughing out loud. So bookmark this page for those times that your kids are driving you crazy and know that you aren’t alone in the world when it comes to the angst (and hilarity!) of parenthood.
A collection of parenting quotes that made us laugh, smile or nod with approval. Enjoy!
Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. – P. J. O’Rourke
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy. – Michelle Pfeiffer
Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them. – Lady Bird Johnson
Having a child is liking getting a tattoo…on your face. You better be committed. – Eat Pray Love
The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. – Peggy O’Mara
A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. – Robert Brault
Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up. – Ray Romano
When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline. – Haim G. Ginott
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. – Calvin Trillin
The first 40 years of parenthood are always the hardest. – Unknown
Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands. – Anne Frank
A baby’s cry is precisely as serious as it sounds. – Jean Liedloff
Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation. – Robert A. Heinlein
One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun. – Jane Goodall
The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed. – Unknown
Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. – Kahlil Gibran
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. – Dorothy Parker
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. – Franklin P. Adams
Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind. – Mike Harding
The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. – Lane Olinghouse
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. – Erma Bombeck
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. – James Baldwin
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. – Phyllis Diller
Sweater, n.: garment worn by a child when its mother is feeling chilly. – Ambrose Bierce
Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are. – Cheryl Lacey Donovan
I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement. – Tina Fey
Say “no” only when it really matters. Wear a bright red shirt with bright orange shorts? Sure. Put water in the toy tea set? Okay. Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed? Fine. Samuel Johnson said, “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle. – Gretchen Rubin
Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your kids. – Sam Levenson
If evolution works, how come mothers only have two hands? -Milton Berle
Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee. -David Frost
Parenthood is the scariest hood you will ever go through
Both of us can’t look good at the same time… it’s me or the house.
Tweens are like a box of chocolates. You never know which personality you are going to get.
75% of every parent’s daily calories probably come just from licking knives
Nurse: handing me a newborn: You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese.
The only thing kids know how to wear out faster than shoes are their parents.
Usually, the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.” -Julia Roberts
We would all love to be Pinterest Moms, but it’s okay if you turn out to be more of an Amazon Prime Mom
Cherish the day you buy your minivan because that will be the last day it is ever clean.
They say it takes a village. Where can I get directions to this village?
Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours -Conan O’Brien
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy
If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the WiFi and watch them slowly appear
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: everyone is yelling, everything is sticky, it’s the same music over and over again, and occasionally pukes.“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?” – Alyson Hannigan
Related: Why Do I Feel Guilty About My Naps?
Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet… no one really knows how.
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.” -Dorothy Parke
Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions. Four-year-old: Why?
Don’t see your fave? Post it in the comments!
Photo: Alena Ozerova/Shutterstock