It’s the makings of a great joke, “You know you’re a mom when…” And, though we mamas take our roles very seriously, where would we be in life without some laughs? (Or cries, as the case may be!)
We talked to mamas in our Mothering Forums and asked them for ways to know it’s obvious you’re a mom–and we couldn’t help but fall in love with you mamas over and over again!
Without further ado…
It’s Become VERY Obvious That You’re a Mom When…
1. Having some “Me” time seems like a luxury bordering on gross extravagance. Oh, and you’ll settle for it in the bathroom for thirty seconds of free-pee time.
2. You think it’s totally normal to say things like, “Cats are not for licking,” and “Please don’t put raisins up your nose,” and “Teeth are for food not for friends.” Also, totally the norm to say, “Are you wearing underwear?” “Why is your underwear in the silverware drawer?” and “No, turning your underwear inside out is not the same wearing clean underwear.” (Ish, we admit, but still.)
3. You don’t remember the last time you went to the bathroom (or took a shower, or changed your clothes) without a companion. Or three. And maybe a bearded dragon?
4. You’ll sleep in baby vomit or pee rather than change the sheets just to grab an extra five minutes of sleep. I mean, you’ll probably get a shower some time this week, right?
5. You enthusiastically ask your husband about his “poops” to encourage your potty-learning child. Oddly, you find the details even more encouraging to your little one and you ask for more.
6. You can’t find your keys so you look in any available shoes first. Because, of course, that’s where they are. And, if they’re not there? Most likely in the refrigerator.
7. You have to specifically suggest that clothes be worn at the dinner table. Even if it’s just a pair of undies, but for the love of peanut butter, no one wants naked dinner.
8. You can whip up four different dinners for four different people in less than 20 minutes. And yes, you know all about not being a short-order chef, but doggone it–you’re just wanting your kid to eat and guess what? Not EVERY child eats when they’re hungry!
9. You can clean up any mess (or an entire house) with nothing but baby wipes. Heck, they don’t even have to be wet any more. You’re so good you can use the dried-out ones you found in the bottom of your car’s center console.
10. You can successfully snappi a prefold on a sleeping baby without waking them up. Also, you know what the terms “Snappi” and “Prefold” mean.
11. Your toddler eats a day old dried pea from under her high chair and you think, “Well, at least it was a vegetable instead of fuzz this time. Points for nutrition!”
12. Your baby is dressed immaculately in hand-sewn matching clothes but you routinely wear a three-year-old nursing top. And sixy-year-old underwear that’s missing the elastic because hey, it’s more comfortable isn’t it?
13. You can’t relax at yoga class due to the anxiety produced by seeing all of the electrical outlets without safety plugs in them.
14. You find yourself bouncing/rocking your whole body even when you aren’t holding your baby. For years and years after your baby was a baby.
15. You send your cosmetic bag to the sitter while the diapers, wipes and extra clothes are in your purse at work.
16. This actually qualifies as a song — “Pooper trooper, gonna change your nappy, cause you stink of poo (pa pa poo pa pa), Yes you really do (pa pa poo pa pa), It’s a good thing I love you.”
17. You find yourself spelling out words to your partner … even when the kids are nowhere in sight. Also, well past the age that they can’t spell. In fact, they remind you that they can, indeed, spell and they do it well! So, yes, they know you’re talking about S-E-X-Y T-I-M-E.
18. You have to wash your child’s things because the dog peed on them … and your dog’s things because your child peed on them.
19. Someone asks you want you did all day and you want to punch them in the face.
20. Being peed on, puked on, or even pooped on doesn’t faze you because it happens every. single. day. Multiple times, sometimes. It’s old hat, really.
21. You finally have some rare “free time”… and you choose to sleep. It’s a luxury!
22. Quiet signals trouble. That’s when flour covers kitchens, markers mark up walls and the dog and your child ends up with hair cuts!
23. You look in the mirror only to discover that you’ve been walking around with four owl stickers on your face for the last two hours. And, a sticker from Trader Joes that says, “Bacon,” on your butt.
24. You sing the happy birthday song twice every time you wash your hands — to be sure you washed long enough. And then once more for good measure!
25. You’re kneeling in the driveway, scrubbing melted chocolate out of the car’s beige rug, only to have someone come up behind you and squirt you in the butt with the garden hose.
26. Leaving the house to go anywhere is such a major ordeal you simply stop doing it. Honestly, that’s what deliveries are for!
27. The only thing you ate today was the remains of a 3-hour old grilled cheese sandwich you found
under on the table.
28. Two ounces of pumped breastmilk is the most valuable thing you own. You totally understand why they call it liquid gold and you’ll defend every ounce of that stuff against any and all foes.
29. Every paper product in your bathroom is shredded. Because your child wanted to use the toilet paper tube for a craft. Points for creativity and ingenuity, right?
30. You get crappy sleep, no time to yourself, have a stiff back from nursing, can’t pee without it being an ordeal…. and you frequently fantasize about having another one, especially when you see a newborn!
And our favorite: Your face lights up at the thought of your children. They’re your sun and your moon and you wouldn’t trade them for a million, trillion, bajillion dollars!