A miscarriage is a heartbreaking, devastating experience. With a pregnancy after a miscarriage, you find yourself filled with doubts and fears.
My miscarriage came when I was 11 weeks along with our fourth child. At 11 weeks, I figured all was well, until it wasn’t. That single visit to the doctor’s office rocked my entire world. The words “not viable” and “no heartbeat” circled my mind for days as we waited for my body to miscarry naturally. Eventually, it did, and grief poured through me. How was I supposed to go on when our loved fourth child was gone?
Months crept by, and we discovered we were once again expecting. As quickly as the joy filled our hearts, I was consumed by an unshakeable fear. What if we lost this baby as well? How in the world would I survive that grief a second time?
A mother loves her baby from the second she knows. I spent days and weeks worrying that we would lose this little one as well. I knew I had to do something. Living consumed with fear and missing the joy isn’t a way to spend a pregnancy. I prayed and found some ways to cope. Here’s how I did it:
1. Read Books
There are a lot of books for pregnancy. I specifically searched for books about grief and miscarriage. Many of these ladies went on to have a successful pregnancy. Reading their stories helped me find ways to celebrate our newest family member. Some books offer areas to journal and verses to consider. I know reading is hard with little kids underfoot. Try an audiobook!
2. Find Miscarriage Support
My husband tries to identify with my pain. He was crushed when we lost our baby, but I do think women have an easier time identifying with each other. As soon as I found out we were losing our baby; I sought out a support system. I found groups online where I could ask questions and talk about what I felt. These ladies knew my pain, answered my questions, and comforted me. The support helps.
Emotions flooded me once I found out I was pregnant. The mixture of joyfulness, excitement, fears, grief, and doubt consumed my life. I needed an outlet. My friend suggested I journal those feelings. What a difference it made! Every feeling I had I wrote down. Every doubt I had, I put onto paper.
4. Connect with my Baby
My dear friend always encouraged me to connect with my baby. It seemed silly, but what could it hurt? I spent time talking to my little. I knew, logically, the baby can’t hear me. However, it felt great just to tell the baby how much he is loved. I talked about how much we want him to join our family. Each day, I spent a bit of time connecting and talking.
How did you move forward and face your fears during pregnancy after a miscarriage?