My MOM HATES ME AND IT SHOWS - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 19 Old 04-21-2009, 12:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok My mom is nasty a very nasty mean spiteful lady........I try and kiss her @$$ all the time........She has went to far this time........

I used to be really skinny......Now I am kinda chubby after my second child and breastfeeding I am 5'0 and 145lbs so quite curvey........


All that comes out of my moms mouth is negitive crap I am her toilet for her to crap in all her nasty mean negitive crap......

Like today it never fails If I start exercising and eating healthy....I get laughed at and told I will fail.....Today i was called fat,moo moo mom,big bertha,and MOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE... ............She has to tell me I will always be fat,that I look like I wear a 4x,how she hates me,how I am lazy,how no one loves me or will ever want to be with me,that I am a loser.....She has to tell me what I ate a week ago that was bad......If I stick up for myself it just gets worse............My mom know that I have had bulimia and anorexia issues in the past and got to a point that I was 75lbs........




My mom always does this crap when I am trying to lose weight.....Or even if I date,like I could know the person for a week she asks when are you getting married,or he dosent want you.....I am told what a loser I am all the time..........


I am told I am ugly that I look like I am 40 I am only 27,and how no guy wants a girl over 23....


Is my mom envious of me?What is up with her?Why does she want me to fail so bad?

I stuck up for myself and it gets worse......I am just so hurt.......

A little info my mom was sexualy abuse as a child by a teacher a a friends dad ,she has never got help for it....So I dont want to give her a hard time beacuse I think she might take the anger and hurt from that out on me =(

My mom is also over weight she does wear a 4x and probbly weighs in the 250......


I am just hurt,I love her,she does alot for her grandkids,I have a roof over my head.......
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#2 of 19 Old 04-21-2009, 12:59 PM
 
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Read Toxic Parents?
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#3 of 19 Old 04-21-2009, 01:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Aquafina View Post
Ok My mom is nasty a very nasty mean spiteful lady........I try and kiss her @$$ all the time........
Move far away. Let the answering machine pick up her calls.

Life is too short to live that way. Go be happy without your mom in your life.
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#4 of 19 Old 04-21-2009, 05:26 PM
 
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Distance yourself.

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#5 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 11:42 AM
 
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You don't have to put up with it. My mother hated and resented me since the day I was born. I cut off all contact with her when I was 21 and never looked back. It wasn't my fault, I didn't deserve to be her punching bag.

Neither do you. I think feeling unloved by your mother is one of the most horrible things a person could feel. It goes against nature. Search for the strength to stop letting her treat you this way. You can live without her.
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#6 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 03:15 PM
 
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Why is this person in your life at all???
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#7 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 03:57 PM
 
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I have a similarly negative relationship with my mother.. I realized that I can really only be around her if I am with other people as well because she controls herself better, so that's what I do. I don't try to force the mother-daughter relationship I've always wanted because I know it's not going to happen and it's just too hurtful to me to do that. Are there situations where she treats you better than others?
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#8 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 06:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Are there situations where she treats you better than others?

Yes if I am doing something for her to help her out.........I just feel like everything is my fault everything......I think I have only got I am sorry from her seriously like 4 times max,and she had a hard time saying it.....Most of the time if she sees me cry after being hurtful,she tells me to suck it up..............

She tries so hard to make me someone I am not that,she wants me to think like her and act like her............

I have tried to figure her out,I know she had a good relashionship with her parents............All I can come up with is that she has issues she needs to deal with from her childhood,or that she has really bad PMDD.........I have seen a pattern with her moods a few weeks before her period,I only know cause the minute she gets her period she is like on a happy high.......The older she has got the worse her moods have became menopuse

I just at this point in my life feel like after the crap she has said,that I am not pretty or even worthy of having a lover or being sucsessful....

If I tell her how I feel she tells me that they are only words,and I said some stuff to her that hurt when I was a teenager and it was embeded in her head so once again its my fault I get called names.......She makes me feel like I need to walk on eggshells,I never really know what I am going to say that is going to piss her off.....................Really its always my fault I get called a name either I had,a bad tone with her,or she didnt like my mood

Its just hard when you dont have friends or siblings to really talk to.......I have no one to watch my children,she has made it a point shes not my babysitter,I literlly have not gone out of this home for a good 3 years....I mean I love being with my kids but moms do need a night once in awhile to see friends....


Oh well I love her and I just need to be greatful that she takes really good care and loves her grandkids,she has told me thats the only good that came out of me was my children............
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#9 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 06:42 PM
 
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My mom is kind of like yours. Sounds to me like she displaces her feelings about herself onto you. I bet she thinks she's a big cow, kwim?

All you can do is distance and try to break the cycle with your babies.

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#10 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 07:47 PM
 
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It helps to know that your mother has a problem and that you are not the cause of it! I have a narcissist mother who has all the symptoms of psychopathy. It is brutal. I hope these links help.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/nar...CTION=symptoms

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html
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#11 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 08:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey As a matter of fact just a second ago I was minding my own buisness,and my mom out of the blue said "US" fat people are causing globle warming,I told her to speak for herself...And she said who are you kidding your fat when people look at you they will know you are the cause of gloabal warming.......

I was minding my own buisness,I am in tears I feel so trapped and I am sure I will never get away from her.......


I hate food,I wish I could cut off my fat and just disapear......I want to be skinny so she will stop harrasing me.......
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#12 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 08:52 PM
 
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You know what? You do not have to have a relationship with her. From a distance I think you'll be better able to see that her behavior has everything to do with her dysfunction and nothing to do with you. No one deserves to be treated that way. I have a very toxic parent and finally, after much self-blame and trying to "fix" things, just stopped. You don't need know know why she does it, or to understand her, or try to fix the relationship, or whatever. You can just decide not to do it any more and get out.

You can find happy positive supportive people in your life who love you.
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#13 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 09:06 PM
 
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OMG... that is just sickening.
I am so sorry.

Amee + James (1998) = Amethyst (2002), Asheby "Bear" (2006), Abbott (2011), Atlas (2013), Astoria (6 July 2015)
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#14 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 10:00 PM
 
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I am so sorry I too had a abusive mom but she even went as far as saying in her will that to the one child she never loved (my whole Name) I leave $10.00 I was devastated and my 1 sister kinda agrees with her needless to say we no longer talk and my other sisters were also floored. Ohh well she has been gone now for years June 2 1994 Thank Heaven
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#15 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 10:07 PM
 
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And you still have a relationship with her why?

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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#16 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 10:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank You MDC Mommas......I truly apresiate the fact that I can say how I feel here...Sometimes MDC is the only place that does feel like home.........I think I am going to stay with my friend for a few days she lives about 50 mins away....Shes great my mail actually goes to her place due to the mail man getting mail lost and living on the border of wyoming and idaho kinda in the woods so when I pick that up I can speak with her about it.......


I do love my Mom very much.. I know she has went through alot in her childhood,and I am sure never getting help for that could cause some pain......She is a wonderful caring grandma...I know she was great to me as a kid she liked stuff her way but she was a good mom when I was a child.....Its the past few years she has got really weird with me I dont know if she thinks calling me fat will some how make me be skinny cuse shes afraid I will turn out like her???If thats the case she actually making it worse.......I am sure I have made my parents unhappy with stuff I have done in my life,but I dont think its fair to call people names and make them feel low....

Could this behavior be the cause of PMDD? As her moods truly seem to be a cycle thing.......

I dont think she is narssisistic I truly dont think she likes herself and I have seen her be emotional and carring....Like someone said I think she is projecting on me how she feels about herself.......Or if its that time of the month she cant stand herself or its a age thing.............

Thank You again everyone for being so caring I did order toxic parents from amazon any other good books to read?
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#17 of 19 Old 04-22-2009, 11:06 PM
 
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You are NOT the problem.

You are NOT the problem.

You are NOT the problem.

You need to say that to yourself until you believe it, and then you need to keep saying it. There is NOTHING you could have done to deserve this treatment. NOTHING.

You are NOT the problem.

You DO deserve love.

You DO deserve love.

You DO deserve love.

Once again, say it again and again. I am sure your children love you. If you were not a loving, lovable person you would have long since kicked this woman to the curb. And I think, the loving, lovable person that you are SHOULD kick this person to the curb.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquafina View Post
A little info my mom was sexualy abuse as a child by a teacher a a friends dad ,she has never got help for it....So I dont want to give her a hard time beacuse I think she might take the anger and hurt from that out on me =(
I love the singer Kimya Dawson. I think she has some really insightful lyrics and one of my favorites is:

My Heros
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/k/k...my_heroes.html

Quote:
And the old are supposed to protect the young
Not endanger or exploit them
This is something i can't stress enough
Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked upHaving been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up

And my mom says to treat as you wish you were treated
And i know that she's sorry for the wrongs she repeated
And never forget how you felt as a kid
Look little you in the eye, each time you encounter a child
Take this as a literal interpretation in your case. Your mom was in a bad situation and she turned around and gave it all back TO A CHILD. You have been verbally abused your entire life. Do you turn that around and beat your children? Do you tell them they are fat, ugly and unlovable? That there is nothing good about them? THAT IS WHAT YOUR MOTHER DID. There is nothing that happened to her that makes her behavior in anyway acceptable.


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Originally Posted by Aquafina View Post
Most of the time if she sees me cry after being hurtful,she tells me to suck it up..............
She does that because she knows she is wrong and needs to get the evidence out of the way. YOU are the evidence of her wrongness. Your pain. She has caused it and she knows it. It would be harder for her to face that head on and change her behaviour so instead she tries to blame you for her actions. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquafina View Post
Oh well I love her and I just need to be greatful that she takes really good care and loves her grandkids,she has told me thats the only good that came out of me was my children............
And did she say that in front of your children? Has she said *any* of these things in front of your children? Is she teaching them that they should feel free to spew out hatred at those who try to love her? Is she teaching them that they are worthless if they do not meet her critera. If not for yourself, stay away from the toxicity for the sake of your children. By putting up with the abuse you are modeling to your children that abuse within relationships is both acceptable and normal. IT IS NOT. They need to know that you, and by extension they, deserve respect and kindness simply because they are people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquafina View Post
I hate food,I wish I could cut off my fat and just disapear......I want to be skinny so she will stop harrasing me.......
I'm not going to tell you how to feel about being overweight, but I am willing to say that you being skinny would not stop the harassment. She is full of venom and it would come out independent of your weight. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. Your weight is not the problem. Your MOTHER is the problem.

I do not know what your financial situation is. I do not know where you live (with your mother?). I do not know how often you rely on her for money, or food, or childcare. But I do know that you need to be working on getting out of there. You've given her 27 years. You deserve better. I really think this is a situation where you need to move away and never come back. No forwarding address, no contact. Nothing. And nothing is exactly what you owe her.

You are not the problem.

 

 

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#18 of 19 Old 04-23-2009, 01:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank You I really liked that song the singer has a great voice,I will half to check out her other stuff.


I know what she does is wrong,I know that there are people that love and care about me.....Its just hard when your mom acts other then a mom should...........

I am sure I sound like a broken record on mdc about her............

As for my kids she does seem to want to act like a mother to my oldest........I will say that when he was a baby I was not around for the first 2 year of his baby times I was off working in another state,sadly I put work before my child I was also a mess I call it my Britney Spears phase.And how I met my ex I have always thought I would get flamed about not being there for my oldest so I never said anything about it on MDC.......She was there for him when I wasnt.....And he is very close to his grandma he loves his grandparents dearly..........After I got pregnant with my second child I quit and vowed to never work while I had kids as I felt so flipping guilty for what I did to my older child........My parents were also there for the kids while I was going through my divorce........................

Inspite of how she treats me she is very loving and kind to my kids......She does know that my momma bear will come out with my youngest so she dosent try and interfeir with me mothering him...My older son I am sure she feels a kind of motherly attatchment to him as she was his soul parent at my Britney time........

There is stuff that she should have not said in front of my oldest about me....I have talked with him and I work on it all the time,and he is I guess at a age things are getting alot better,he used to be hyper and I blamed that on myself.I asked him how he feels all the time....I do feel my older son respects her more then me though.....But all in all my children are kind loving kids and I have been told that by quite a few strangers.............

I am sure everyone is thinking why does she live there,well I do have quite a bit of money saved up from when I worked and I do a bit of ebay stuff.....

There house is huge and I feel that I can save money and still feel like I am on my own.......Even if I was to move out and even all the stuff she has done to hurt me I would still talk to her,she is my mom and I do love her dearly........

If she was treating my kids how she treats me I would be out of there,but she really is a wonderful grandma to them.....I am sure there are people on here who have some fights with spouses and I am sure your kids hear it.


I will agree that at 27 I should probbly be living on my own and for my own health and freedom.....I want to stay in the area........Does anyone know anything about hud housing? I dont think I would qualify for govermnt housing,as I was told that in Rexburg Idaho.Would Wyomings laws be diffrent with housing do I need to be a wyoming resident? I live pretty close I just am before the pass and am there all the time....


I know this sounds awful but I dont want to work I want to be with my kids,I did think about daycare and going back to work then I just felt to bad doing that......
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#19 of 19 Old 04-23-2009, 12:19 PM
 
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I'm sorry you have to deal with any of this.

I found a couple links for you.
http://www.hud.gov/apps/section8/ste...ate=ID%2CIdaho
http://thehousingcompany.org/pages/p...daho/index.htm
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