Originally Posted by MsMommy23
You nailed it. It's the question of "when item let it slide" versus "teach that life isn't all about getting your own way" that is hard for us to figure out. I spent the early years with him "giving in" a lot. I began doubting that technique when he didn't grow out of his inflexible/meltdown qualities, thinking I may have failed to teach him that you don't always get your way in life, and that plans sometimes change unexpectedly.
I can relate. With my DD now (she is 19) we just focus on one thing at a time, let it become really solid, and then move on to something else. She completed an associates degree in Dec., and if we hadn't insisted she take math every semester and work with a tutor it would not have happened. She can drive -- again, because we made her practice. She volunteered at the friends of the library for 18 months (and they loved her) because we said she had to get a job or do volunteer work that was like a job. If we let her do what she wanted to, she would be hiding in her room reading fantasy books, and not interacting with the world at all.
She has a sister who is close in age, so there was a limit as to how much we could give in without being completely crappy to our other child.
Originally Posted by heatherweh
I am curious about the school psychologists basis for diagnosis. Has she conducted a full educational psychoevaluation? Thst is to say, have you gone through the "evaluation" phase of the IEP process? As excellent as she may be, and she may very well be unbiased, don't assume she has no 'dog in the fight' as the unfortunate term of phrase goes- she may be setting you up for an IEP denial.
I agree that school psychs have a dog in the fight. Depending on the district, they can get a lot of pressure and have to justify the overall % of kids they qualify, the % with different diagnosis, etc. However, OCD is a qualifying diagnosis under "ED" and ADHD qualifies under "OHI."
Once a student is qualified for services *in my district* the IEP team has a lot of leeway to add services. The team has to include someone who can sign off to allocate resources. My person is our vice-principal.
I got the fussy baby book, the out of synch child, the explosive child, the sensitive child, don't call me shy...books about anxiety and sensory and diet and I knew something was off. PreK he cried and screamed and had to be dragged off my legs then remained silent all day. We were relatively lenient too, felt like if he could do better he would but sometimes we were just at a loss,
I can relate to so much of this. The phrase "when a need is met, it will go away" still haunts me. We homeschooled and I was drawn to unschooling. I feel foolish for how much advice I bought into about unschooling from people who had never met my child. We added routines, which greatly upped the sanity factor, but I feel like I've been dancing this line between giving her space to be herself and providing structure because she NEEDS it for nearly 20 years.
She started school when she was 12. It didn't not go smoothly.
I have felt so judged by so many people who don't have a clue what it means to raise a child with autism.
I'm so glad to have the diagnosis, it's the vehicle I needed to get him help, without it he couldn't get help at school or an IEP and I couldn't explain why he would only wear brown stripe pants for two years straight or not look at someone in the eyes. When you know better you do better.
I reached a point where I didn't not care what my DD's label was, as long as it meant she got help.