I have to vent: NO he isn't picky by your standards and he isn't spoiled either! - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 18 Old 11-10-2006, 11:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ds is PPDNOS, SID, ERLD

I am tired of hearing that if I fix him and his yb separate meals ( I suspect yb may have a touch of it but he definitely patterned after bb growing up)

that I am teaching him he will always get way. That he is being spoiled and I should MAKE and FORCE him/them to eat what everyone else is eating.
I don't eat what I don't like why should they? And I have pointed out too that ** I ** am the one making the meal so don't complain to me since you are not the one cooking!


Would I love him to eat a more varied diet ? You bet!! I would love for him to be more adventurous and try something new more often.
But for now I understand his needs and if that conflicts so be it.
Who wants to eat mashed potatos if they feel "gross" on the tongue?



I know some people would think me nuts for tonight. I made stir fry for me dh and dd. Rice for Ds and fried eggs for yb. I did it at same time so it wasn't like extra work or anything.
Why can't people just get it?

Ok rant over thanks for letting me vent.
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#2 of 18 Old 11-10-2006, 11:42 PM
 
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In the mood I'm in, and the week I've had, let me know who they are and I'll kindly tell them to eff off for you.

People suck.

ETA we got the same guano wrt ds. Then he got dx'd with a sensory based feeding disorder, and I got to tell those people on no uncertain terms to pucker up and smooch my big ol' butt. If your ds is in OT, see if your OT can add that as a diagnosis. Seriously. It shuts people up REAL quick.
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#3 of 18 Old 11-11-2006, 06:51 AM
 
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My younger son hasn't been dx'ed formally, but he does have quite a few sensory issues WRT food. I totally understand. I get told that he's just picky and we need to make him eat. Erm, how do you make a little kid eat? He is very, very selective about what he eats. I always make at least one dish that I know he'll eat. I used to worry about him not touching any vegetables and only eating such a small variety of food, but now I'm just happy enough to see him eating anything.

The other night I made bean soup with sandwiches. I know Gumby doesn't eat bean soup and loves grilled cheese sandwiches. I put a very small amount of soup on his dish, just in case, but mostly gave him sandwiches. He saw big brother and both sisters loving the bean soup and really wanted to try it. I encouraged him. He took the bite. He immediately gagged. While gagging he tried so hard not to spit it out ~ he even said, "This tastes good!" It makes me cry now to think about it. He didn't want to hurt my feelings even though it very clearly bothered him.

Yeah. That kid is just spoiled and picky. If we just make him eat, he'll eat. Right.

If you don't mind the extra cooking, tell people in no uncertain terms to back off. It's none of their business, anyway.
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#4 of 18 Old 11-11-2006, 07:04 AM
 
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Do other people know that he may have Sensory issues (I say may because he's not dx'd yet correct?)

If they do, and even if they don't. Just be blunt tell them he has medical issues relating to his diet and they can f-off. Seriously. If someone told me that after I told them to force their DC to sit and eat what you serve... I would shut up real fast about, say I'm sorry I didn't know that and ask to learn more.

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#5 of 18 Old 11-11-2006, 12:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CerridwenLorelei View Post
"...that I am teaching him he will always get way. That he is being spoiled and I should MAKE and FORCE him/them to eat what everyone else is eating.

Would I love him to eat a more varied diet ? You bet!! I would love for him to be more adventurous and try something new more often.
Yesterday my 41 mo ds breastfed, drank some of DH's Gatorade and water, ate an Enteman's donut, and some Goldfish crackers.

{{{Hugs}}} to you. I vent your vent sometimes too!

Sincerely,
Debra, homeschooling mom of 4 ages 10, almost 9, almost 7, and 41 mos
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#6 of 18 Old 11-11-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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(((HUGS))) I know how you feel. My oldest is extremely picky and used to gag and throw up at his meals until we figured out about his oral sensitivity. I got chewed out by my stepmother because she said I don't feed my kids enough snacks and that I shouldn't give my kids choices. I feed DS1 when he is hungry or when I know it is time to eat. Usually he asks to eat. He won't eat veggies. I don't force him I do from time to time put them on his plate. He tried a cooked carrot last week (I almost fell over because he usually wouldn't even try) but immediately asked for a wipe as he scraped it off his tongue. Try not to let people bother you and explain what is going on to them like a pp said. It drives me nuts when I get parenting advice from someone who either has grown children (none with special needs) or doesnt know what they are talking about anyway.
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#7 of 18 Old 11-11-2006, 07:33 PM
 
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I am personally an extremely picky eater, and I feel for you and your dc! It seems like everyone wants me to "just try" some new food, which I just am not comfortable doing. When I was invited out for a business lunch recently, my boss suggested an Indian restaurant -- unfamiliar food makes me queasy, so I said I would go, but asked if they had plain pasta or other bread-type items on the menu. Well, she made a big to-do about how we had to go to a different restaurant, blah-blah-blah . . . And I was totally willing to go, but just eat only within my comfort zone :

My advice? Just ignore everyone else and do what is best for you and your child. It's none of their business!

(I'm also the mom of a child with lots of issues, including food ones, and I am so done trying to explain it to friends/relatives IRL.)
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#8 of 18 Old 11-11-2006, 08:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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asked he is 9 now and was diagnosed at 2 and 2 1/2.
Finch we went back to OT earlier this year after having been 'graduated' for several years. Our ped puts it this way "these kids sometimes need a tune up"

And Ambrose yes these people know but still think he is just picky and 'needs to get over it/grow up about it"

It hasn't happened in awhile but did recently and since these are folks who know better I just had that little *snap*

Finch thanks. If I wasn't already known for being an opinionated b((( ( much like DeBecker because I stand up for myself and my kids you get labelled) lol I would take you on up that.
Aw heck I may anyway if it happens again!!!!!!

Thanks everyone
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#9 of 18 Old 11-12-2006, 04:18 PM
 
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UGH! Good vent! My problem is just the opposite- I am so sick and tired of people (ok-MIL mostly) thinking I am depriving my daughter because I won't feed her cookies, ice cream, cakes and junk! I hear, "Oh, the poor girl can't have any ice cream." or "How horrible that she can't have cake."
She can just not any with gluten or casein and know what..before we went on this diet SHE DIDN'T LIKE THOSE FOODS ANYWAY! UGH!
Ok, I'm better now..thanks.
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#10 of 18 Old 11-12-2006, 06:29 PM
 
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There are much, much worse things in the world than being a picky eater! My goodness! My ds also has sensitivities to food textures and smells. I consider it my lucky day when he tries something new. I almost ALWAYS prepare dinner like you do --- mixted up for the adults and separated out for the kiddies. What does it matter? I'd rather have him eat a decent meal than have him gag and refuse to eat any of it.

Remember that in many countries, the common fare consists of things that we wouldn't even consider eating in the US -- like worms, beetles, slugs and other "delights." I'm sure that if you prepared a dinner consisting of some of these foods, the ones who were complaining about your overindulgence would shut up. Maybe it would give them a dose of how your child feels!

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#11 of 18 Old 11-12-2006, 07:29 PM
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Funny you mentioned mash potatoes. Ds was forced by dh to eat some. Ds said he didn't like them and would puke if he made him do it. Well guess what, dh made him and ds did in fact puke. And do you think the kid is *ever* going to try mashed potatoes again!??! That was last year and now we only try to keep varied foods infront of him. Whether he eats them or not is up to him. I find it to be very rude to make someone put something in their body they don't want. I feel it sets a bad precident. So keep standing up for your dc :
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#12 of 18 Old 11-12-2006, 08:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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and we can all vent together
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#13 of 18 Old 11-14-2006, 03:00 AM
 
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My ds has food issues also...I try to get him to sample things...but I was forced to eat things I found disgusting as a child~one time in particular I had to eat venison stew, I vom'd and my stepfather forced me to eat it again.:Puke ...I do not make ds eat whole plates of stuff he doesn't like...but I do ask him to try it to make sure he doesn't like it. There have been times he tries something and actually likes it....but I tried doing sweet potato fries and oh boy he sure didn't like those...so I made him mashed 'regular' potatos...my exhusband used to say 'You're not ds's short order cook'...but he's my ex, so my rules now HA!

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#14 of 18 Old 11-14-2006, 03:13 AM
 
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My mother cooked special meals for me all through my life - mostly holding the "plain" ingredients for me, but she also let me eat buttered toast for dinner if the main meal didn't agree with me. I my mother.
I'm sure your son will someday tell you that he appreciates your loving care.

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#15 of 18 Old 11-14-2006, 01:47 PM
 
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Well, add me to the list. I was even at an autism support group being told by a mother with a child who is not doing gf/cf and doesn't appear to have major issues, how to "make" my son eat better and more foods. You know..I'm just happy if he eats some fruit and protein in the course of a day and if I can sneak in some omega-3s in the peanut butter its a good day here.

I have 2 older children, both totally nt as far as I know. My son Jake was always very picky..I tried always to respect him and not force him to eat thi ngs he didn't like. My mothers rule was, you try it once and if you don't like it you don't have to have it again. I used that rule with the olders. That rule is completely out the window with Elijah..there is no way to negotiate with him at the age of almost 4. He can't tell me yet what is going on with the food thing and I don't choose to pick food as a battle and give him problems forever, yk?

My mom is dead..or I know I'd be hearing, you need to feed him more foods..etc, Although, When we saw her last christmas he wasn't dx'd or on any diets yet, so I just explained he's very picky. Since I was a majorly picky kid, it actually didn't phase her. She offered him stuff and he would push it away and I'd apologize and she'd say, "It's ok..he doesn't like this right now". I was so shocked. Maybe grandkids really do mellow folks out Later that week I asked them about autism and my mother said (she had a psych background and my brother is adhd with perceptual lds) "Oh, I thought he reminded me so much of John..I would have him checked out, yes".
I digress..point is..there are all sorts of reasons kids are picky..some of them can tell us, and some can't. Seriously we think about food too much in this society.
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#16 of 18 Old 11-14-2006, 11:42 PM
 
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I'll add to the vent. If I had a nickle for every time I heard "well, he will eventually eat it...kids don't starve themselves" I would actually be able to afford his therapy.

I take it as a sign the person is just clueless and has zero experience with special needs kids, some of whom would definatly starve to death before trying something.

Mom to 10yo Autistic Wonder Boy and 6yo Inquisitive Fireball Girl . December birthdays.

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#17 of 18 Old 11-14-2006, 11:48 PM
 
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Oh boy, this is a HUGE hot button with me. I deleted my earlier post, because I fear someone involved will read it. But let me just say -- I totally get what you are saying, and it is absolutely outrageously disrespectful to you and your child.
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#18 of 18 Old 11-15-2006, 12:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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"I take it as a sign the person is just clueless and has zero experience with special needs kids, some of whom would definatly starve to death before trying something."

The 'if he/she gets hungry enough he/she will eat it." and your last sentence says it all
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