Defiant behavior - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 4 Old 04-10-2007, 05:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DS is five years old. He is currently in occupational therapy for fine motor delays. His OT and I were discussing the fact that he seems to have a defiant or stubborn behavior. He reacts angrily or stubbornly to anything you ask him -- from simple to complex things. Everything is a struggle. She and I are both looking for ways to work with him that won't break his spirit (because his determination will serve him well one day) but lets him know that he does have to comply at times.

Any suggestions? Books? Methods?

Jen, Mom to DS (8) , DD (5) & Alli
(1-04) (8-09)
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#2 of 4 Old 04-10-2007, 10:18 PM
 
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Well, I don't have anything really helpful to say but didn't want to read and not respond. I hope someone will have a great resource for you. I wish I could help more. Most of my son's therapists offer him choices, or say things like "we're going to make three cuts and then play music" so phrasing it less like a command and he responds ok. We did have a therapist who was very demanding and my son was incredibly resistant. He doesn't respond well to lots of demands and commands. The approach matters.

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#3 of 4 Old 04-11-2007, 12:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She has been trying to do that with him. He just never wants the final choice, LOL.

Jen, Mom to DS (8) , DD (5) & Alli
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#4 of 4 Old 04-11-2007, 12:07 AM
 
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This is Alexander while in therapy. The therapist will give him two or three choices and if he refuses them all they just sit and have a little conversation about how everyone has to do things in life that they may not necessarily want to but sometimes they just have to. She's very respectful in doing it and he is usually receptive. The first few times he'd leave without doing any of the choices but now he's starting to try new things as long as I'm not in the room. He has anxiety and we are starting play therapy to try to help these issues.

My dear sweet Alex is the most strong-willed child I have ever met. It is all about control with him. We met with the play therapist for the first time today and she said that it is most likely the way his anxiety manifests. If he is not in control he doesn't feel comfortable so while he is asserting himself he is not necessarily doing it to be defiant.

There are a few books that I've seen mentioned on her that I have yet to get but I really need to. I just have so many other books that I've had to read I just haven't made it to the point of addin those to my library queue. Hopefully someone chimes in with the book recs so I can do it.
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