Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Happy Valley, but heart in Alaska
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1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache..
8. Tired of the dog drinking out of the toilet? Hide behind the shower curtain and when he comes in, drop the seat on his head.
9. If you have done something your wife doesn't know about and about which she will be angry, don't tell her, just start making a bed up on the couch. It might save you some of the grief.
10. If you spill tomato juice on the very light colored couch (you didn't want in the first place), simply cut the spot out. That way, the stain will be gone and your wife won't be worrying about a little tomato juice.