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#1 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 5yo dd is going to her first birthday party of a classmate today (she's been to lots of parties where we knew the parents, but this is the first one where we have just met them in passing), and I just don't feel right leaving her there alone. How can I tell the mom hosting that I"m staying (w/my 4mo old in the sling) until the party ends without sounding defensive, or like I don't trust her to keep my dd safe, etc? This is the first time I've encountered a situation like this and sugar-coating things just isn't my style. I want it to be a comfortable situation for both of us. TIA for any suggestions! I only have 2 hrs left, :LOL

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#2 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:16 PM
 
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Couldn't you just tell her that you would prefer to stay? Honestly, I have gone to bday parties and stayed. One time in particular the host mother made a comment to me as to how others parents, that they didn't know, dropped off their kids and left and why would you do that? Besides, you can offer her a helping hand! Good luck!
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#3 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:20 PM
 
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Could you make it sound like you're staying to offer an extra pair of hands to help out? Or just say nothing, and hope she doesn't ask why you're staying?

I prefer parties where the parents stick around- it's nice to chat with them, and they are a big help!

GL
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#4 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:22 PM
 
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You can tell her that you and your dd are more comfortbale if you stay and then offer to help her out. I"m pretty sure she will like the help, birthday parties aren't that easy, LOL. I'm sure it wont be a big deal. Good luck!

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#5 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:30 PM
 
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When my kids were this small, I expected parents to stay. Perhaps she will as well.

Cristina - "If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." Maya Angelou
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#6 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:36 PM
 
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Yeah, I agree with these mamas. I always find it a bit odd when parents just dump their kids off and leave, like they just scored some free babysitting and can't hit the mall fast enough. I'd just stay and act like it is the expected thing to do. If she says anything, just tell her you love parties and never miss an opportunity to have cake.
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#7 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:36 PM
 
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I would say something like, "I am not sure how she (your Dd) would react if I were to leave, and I just feel more comfortable staying. If I can help in any way just let me know."

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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#8 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:37 PM
 
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Not to step on toes...but from the other mother's perspective....you should have made her aware of your staying when you accepted.
Perhaps you could call her ASAP and say "I hope you don't mind, but I will be sticking around since it's a new place for (kid's name)." Offer an extra set of hands and all should be well.

~Daednu
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#9 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:39 PM
 
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If she says anything (she probably won't except to get to know yuo better) you can just tell it that staying is most convient for you, works bet for you, etc, and ask if she needs a hand with anything.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#10 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 03:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaDaednu
Not to step on toes...but from the other mother's perspective....
Sorry to be disagreeable, but I disagree. Your concern is for your child's safety. She is your only real concern. A houseful of kids in party mode is a great place for some sort of accident to happen and the mom will have a lot of other places to focus her attention than on your precious child. Be there to safeguard your child, and to help the mom. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.
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#11 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 04:17 PM
 
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She will like that you stay. Don't even sweat about it. Just stay and make small talk, pitch in where you can etc.

I like people to stay esp. if I don't know them well. I actually would prefer people stay but around here, people see it as free babysitting! No really they do, one mom even said that to me. A host can't watch all the kids on their own, parents need to stay and help with the kids during the crafts and food.

Last year (5 years olds mostly), people ran off really quick and I have been to many 4 and 5 year old parties since and that seems the norm here. I even attended a party at the Y, and the mom was left with 20+ 4 year old boys and only two moms stayed (myself w/ toddler and another whose son has severe allergies) and she really needed help several times during the party. Yeah, her DH was there, but he was Mr, Camera Man the whole time.

I did not ask if I could stay, I just stay. I am amazed when people do stay since it is so not the norm. Usually if it is in a public place, people will stay. I was at a party at a place that made you sign a liability waiver, lots of parents stayed at that one :-). Some places have a minimum # of adults per children that need to stay. That seems fair, some people have to stay but not all of them.

Have fun!

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#12 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 05:11 PM
 
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Since it is you and your baby I don't see anyreason to say you are staying when you RSVP. Your dd is the oinly one invited to the party and she will be the only one attending the party.

I plan for a couple of parents to stay and make sure I have food for them. I would rather people not bring thier other children (as I only plan favors etc for invited guest and our budget for such things is very limited) but I certainly don't mind if a parent stays. I am likely to put them to work though :LOL Usually parents don't stay at my partys but we haev the usual suspcts by now. its the same 8 girls rotating birthday parties. we only send out invitation as a formality. they know they are invited. Usually most parents ask if I want/need them to stay. I usually don't (because we keep our parties small enough and simple enough). At a big party like that no one around here would bat an eye at a apretn staying. and the hosting family probably is expecting and planning on some paretns not being comfortable leaving thier children with strangers.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#13 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 05:23 PM
 
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I have noticed that different people have very different expectations. I don't assume I am welcome to stay unless I have been invited to or have specifically asked if I may. If I am not going to feel comfortable leaving my child somewhere and want to stay I mention that to the host/ess in advance. Right around the age of 5 I feel it becomes very much up to preference if a parent stays or not. If I am hosting an event I feel it is my responsibility to make sure there are enough adults there to properly supervise the number of kids expected.

While it is true that it usually not a big deal to stay at a kids party it is still polite to be clear about it ahead of time.
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#14 of 19 Old 09-10-2005, 07:25 PM
 
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I just took dd, 5, to a birthday party and stayed with her. Most of the kids had a parent who stayed, one little girl was just dropped off. It never even occured to me to ask- I rsvp'd and had to leave a message that 'we' would be there.

My 3 year old was at a birthday party last week. I did ask when rsvp'ing if it was ok to bring my 5yo and 1 yo, as we couldn't attend if they didn't come with. NO WAY was I going to leave my 3yo ds w/autism at a bday party at chuck e cheese without me.

So, I'd specifically ask if other kids will be attending, but I wouldn't count your 4mo that way, as sleeping in the sling is pretty unobtrusive.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#15 of 19 Old 09-11-2005, 12:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies. I just walked in with her, chatting all the while. The mom didn't really bat an eye, so it was all good. I felt really bad for one little girl- she wasn't in the class at school (I think she goes to church with the birthday girl's family) and she begged her mom to stay- and the mom left The little girl didn't really participate much at all, and I kept talking to her, hoping she would feel better. The mom was aggravated at the little girl when she left- pushing her towards the other kids- saying, "Go! Go!" My dd (who is usually really extroverted and self-confident) asked me if I was going to stay and was relieved when I told her I was. I don't know why I got so cranked up about it, everything was fine.

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#16 of 19 Old 09-11-2005, 02:41 AM
 
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:

I've only ever been to b-day parties with my children where all the parents/caregivers stayed. Not only that, but if you weren't going to stay/unable to stay, you would either not bring the child or you would ask the hosts for permission or ask another parent/caregiver to take your child and, well, stay with them.

:

And I thought that's normal.

It isn't?
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#17 of 19 Old 09-11-2005, 03:43 AM
 
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Wow! I'm actually really surprised to read this thread. I just took dd to a party today and dropped her off (it was a 6 year old party) because I thought I was supposed to. I thought that if the mom wanted parents to stay, she's put them on the invite too, otherwise it might not be the thing to do. Whoops....
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#18 of 19 Old 09-11-2005, 09:55 AM
 
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As a parent of a small child and from the perspective of a party hostess, I expect parents to stay.

Glad it all worked out for you!
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#19 of 19 Old 09-11-2005, 10:57 AM
 
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In a situation like this, I expect some to stay and some to go. I'll be a stayer myself for the most part, until DS is much older.

My big thing (and my mom is the biggest offender of this, in the name of cousin bonding/g-ma lovin' time) is having enough adults to supervise. I don't think parties, holidays, get-togethers are an excuse for having too many children and not enough adults. I think a lot of people let this slide for special occasions, but would never dream of leaving their child in a daycare with one caregiver and 12-13 kids, ya know?

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