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#1 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 04:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Say your or your DP's parents smoke in their house, but not while you or your DC are there...

Would you attend your traditional holiday dinner/celebration at their house? Or would you miss out on it because you fear the possible ill effects that may come from third-hand smoke exposure? Do you think that the fact that they smoke in their home is reason enough to not allow your DC to go there, ever?!
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#2 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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Yes I would go.
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#3 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 04:19 PM
 
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My father also smokes and I do go to his house. When we are there he will smoke outside. We can't control everything and spending time with my family is more important than some exposure to some smoke residue.
If he was smoking in the same room as my dc then maybe i would think twice about bringing them.

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#4 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 04:48 PM
 
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My mom smokes. We still visit. I know i can't forever protect my kids from second hand smoke, it sucks, maybe others don't agree but my kids need to spend time with their gma, regardless of her bad habit. We see her now that we've moved about once a month for a few hours.

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#5 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 04:56 PM
 
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With my FIL, my daughters aren't allowed in his house.
My husband sometimes takes them in quick to say hello, but I've not allowed it lately.
Not only does my FIL smoke in his house, my husband smokes in his house when he's there.
My FIL has a woodstove and concrete floors and his house is filthy.

Last time we were there, my husband took my youngest into his house as I was unstrapping my oldest from her carseat.
I went in, picked her up and said, nope she's not allowed in here because it's dangerous and you smoke in here.

I took them outside until my husband was done visiting his dad (it was 2 hours!) and we were only out in that town because we were supposed to be visiting my SIL and her 3 day old baby.

His parents live in different towns. My FIL lives in a town an hour drive away and my MIL lives in a town an hour and a half drive away (and this is when my speeding husband is driving).They have NEVER come to visit our daughters in our town in our home. They don't care enough to.

I haven't been to my MIL's house in over a year. I flat out refuse to go to her home at all ever again.
Yes, she smokes like a chimney in her home, in the kitchen, in the living room, anywhere, and has dirty ashtrays all over the place.
But, she also criticizes my parenting choices (and she's so not one to talk!!!!) and even screamed at me in my face because my daughter spilled some dry cereal as she attempted to pour it in a bowl (on the floor) when she was 18 months old.
I was encouraging my daughter to clean up her mess when my MIL laid into me about 'letting' my daughter make a mess, not cleaning it up, and expecting her (my MIL to clean it up.
She screamed so loud and long she woke my sleeping 3 month old baby (this was November 2006).
She continued to scowl at me, hand on hip, while I searched for a broom to sweep up what my daughter had missed, and she just hovered over me with that nasty look on her face. I started crying.

Right afterward, while I was nursing my youngest in the living room, MIL (in the kitchen, while smoking) was telling my husband, who'd missed the scene, how it was all my fault and that I was just trying to annoy her and that it's not her job to clean up after my family (what, like her son had no part in creating my family).

This was just the last time she'd behaved like this. She did something similar three visits in a row.

She's just crazy and I refuse to ever enter her home again.

MIL and FIL were invited to my daughters' birthday parties which were held at my parents' house in the town my FIL lives in, so it was close for all my husband's family, sisters and all, to come. At least at my mom's house, it's clean, there's no smoking, it's child- and baby-safe.

I just refuse to ever go in my MIL's house ever again.
It's not worth the health risk to my children.
It's not worth having them see someone treat me so badly.
It's not worth stressing about dealing with her in her home, when she's in control.
She is just not worth it.
My children are too important to me to let her negatively influence their health in any way.

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#6 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe, I should clarify...

Would you not go for the sole purpose being that they smoke?
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#7 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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smoke hangs around for 7 days inside a house.
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#8 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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I would, and I do. I prefer for my children to not even see people, especially family who they respect, smoking, but my dh's entire family smokes. When we visit, they only smoke in the "sun room" (a room separated from the rest of the home by an outside door and storm door), but when we are not there, they smoke in the home. Sometimes I can smell the smoke smell lingering, and I won't say it doesn't bug me, but I love my in-laws, and I love the relationship they have with their grandsons. I wouldn't take that away from them when they are doing everything they can to respect my children's health, by going out of the house and not smoking near my kids.
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#9 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by homeschoolmama View Post
Maybe, I should clarify...

Would you not go for the sole purpose being that they smoke?
If that was my only problem with my in-laws, no, I would not take my children in their home if they smoked.
Absolutely not.
Even if I loved them lots and they had a clean and safe home otherwise.
Nope.
If they really want to see our kids, they can always come to our home.
So, it's not like by not going to their home that I'm preventing them from seeing their grandkids.

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#10 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:03 PM
 
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I would go.
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#11 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:05 PM
 
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yep, I would go.
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#12 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Abi's Mom View Post
If that was my only problem with my in-laws, no, I would not take my children in their home if they smoked.
Absolutely not.
Even if I loved them lots and they had a clean and safe home otherwise.
Nope.
Thats my thoughts. Cept our reasoning includes that my kids already have health issues, and asthma made worse by smoke, lingering smells, etc. DP's aunt always asks us to come visit, even says she will smoke outside when we are there, but smoke lingers...for hours and days. She has lived there for 20 years.....I can only imagine how long it would take to clean all the cig smoke and smell and damage out of her house and furniture. And she keeps a clean house...way cleaner than mine.
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#13 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:12 PM
 
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My SMIL smokes regularly in her home, as does FIL. They have a big place though, and know not to smoke around DDs. If there is smoking going on, I go to another part of the place or leave.

That said, I rarely go over there. They live 5 minutes away and if they want to visit they can.

So to answer the question, yes, I would go.
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#14 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:19 PM
 
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Yes, I would go. In fact, dh and dd are watching the game at a friend's house who smokes as I type this.

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#15 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:26 PM
 
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Yes, I would go.
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#16 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:27 PM
 
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If they did not smoke when we were there (even outside), then yes.
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#17 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Abi's Mom View Post
With my FIL, my daughters aren't allowed in his house.
My husband sometimes takes them in quick to say hello, but I've not allowed it lately.
Not only does my FIL smoke in his house, my husband smokes in his house when he's there.
My FIL has a woodstove and concrete floors and his house is filthy.

Last time we were there, my husband took my youngest into his house as I was unstrapping my oldest from her carseat.
I went in, picked her up and said, nope she's not allowed in here because it's dangerous and you smoke in here.

I took them outside until my husband was done visiting his dad (it was 2 hours!) and we were only out in that town because we were supposed to be visiting my SIL and her 3 day old baby.

His parents live in different towns. My FIL lives in a town an hour drive away and my MIL lives in a town an hour and a half drive away (and this is when my speeding husband is driving).They have NEVER come to visit our daughters in our town in our home. They don't care enough to.

I haven't been to my MIL's house in over a year. I flat out refuse to go to her home at all ever again.
Yes, she smokes like a chimney in her home, in the kitchen, in the living room, anywhere, and has dirty ashtrays all over the place.
But, she also criticizes my parenting choices (and she's so not one to talk!!!!) and even screamed at me in my face because my daughter spilled some dry cereal as she attempted to pour it in a bowl (on the floor) when she was 18 months old.
I was encouraging my daughter to clean up her mess when my MIL laid into me about 'letting' my daughter make a mess, not cleaning it up, and expecting her (my MIL to clean it up.
She screamed so loud and long she woke my sleeping 3 month old baby.
She continued to scowl at me, hand on hip, while I searched for a broom to sweep up what my daughter had missed, and she just hovered over me with that nasty look on her face. I started crying.

Right afterward, while I was nursing my youngest in the living room, MIL (in the kitchen, while smoking) was telling my husband, who'd missed the scene, how it was all my fault and that I was just trying to annoy her and that it's not her job to clean up after my family (what, like her son had no part in creating my family).

This was just the last time she'd behaved like this. She did something similar three visits in a row.

She's just crazy and I refuse to ever enter her home again.

Forgot to mention, this was for Christmas dinner at her house. I am not a Christian and she is. This wasn't the issue, since she thinks her son and I are Christian. I'm just pointing out it wasn't very 'Christian' of her during Christmas dinner to behave so horribly.

MIL and FIL were invited to my daughters' birthday parties which were held at my parents' house in the town my FIL lives in, so it was close for all my husband's family, sisters and all, to come. At least at my mom's house, it's clean, there's no smoking, it's child- and baby-safe.

I just refuse, and have refused last thanksgiving and christmas, to ever go in MIL's house ever again. My parents were even gone to Oregon over last christmas, so I was really missing my grandparents who live in Wisconsin last holiday.

It's not worth the health risk to my children.
It's not worth having them see someone treat me so badly.
It's not worth stressing about dealing with her in her home, when she's in control.
She is just not worth it.
My children are too important to me to let her negatively influence them in any way.
What's wrong with concrete floors?
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#18 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:33 PM
 
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If they did not smoke when we were there (even outside), then yes.
Being a former smoker myself-that is really harsh.

That would have been impossible for me when I was addicted.

I understand protecting your kids but isnt family and teaching the kids not to judge other people for their poor choices more important.

I dont respect the militant turn that parenting is taking. Its just not very compassionate.

One day (even if they were inside the house being hotboxed by smoke) wouldnt kill *most* kids, or cause lung cancer, or anything like that. I understand health problems though, asthma is a really sucky thing.

I would be more understanding.
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#19 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:37 PM
 
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I'd go as long as they didn't smoke inside or around my kids while we were there.
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#20 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:43 PM
 
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yep, my mil smokes and we go over there, but she will smoke outside while we're there. she can't come to us bc she can't drive and too weak to even take a long car ride. Its the kids gma, even though I detest smoking, I can't imagine not going. Now if she smoked inside, then I would probably not go.
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#21 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 05:51 PM
 
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What's wrong with concrete floors?
They are hard, dirty and cold.
He doesn't even own a mop.
The floor has never been sealed and countless cats, kittens, dogs and puppies have tracked those floors, with who knows what intestinal parasites, litter and ash spilled on the floors, and I don't even want to guess what all the stains are.

I guess the problem is HIS concrete floors, not concrete floors in general.

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#22 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 08:36 PM
 
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Being a former smoker myself-that is really harsh.

That would have been impossible for me when I was addicted.

I understand protecting your kids but isnt family and teaching the kids not to judge other people for their poor choices more important.

I dont respect the militant turn that parenting is taking. Its just not very compassionate.

One day (even if they were inside the house being hotboxed by smoke) wouldnt kill *most* kids, or cause lung cancer, or anything like that. I understand health problems though, asthma is a really sucky thing.

I would be more understanding.
Uh.....did you read my post? Harsh? I just stated thast I wouldn't take my kids somewhere where people were smoking inside or outside. How do you know what I'm teaching my kids??? I think you're projecting your own issues here. In my experience, when at a gathering and the smokers go outside to smoke, the smoke still wafts into the house. The doors open and close, people are coming in and out, the smoke is clinging to their hands and clothes, etc. My dad was a smoker and he didn't smoke when the kids were over. We didn't even have a conversation about it, he just knew it was something that was important to me. No judgement there. If we're at a gathering and the smoke is becoming a problem, we will leave. Very simple. Oh, and my dp does have pretty severe asthma so that makes the decision even easier. We still see our family frequently, so no problems there.
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#23 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 08:42 PM
 
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I'd go. My kids are probably in more danger from car emissions daily than third hand smoke occasionally...
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#24 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 08:47 PM
 
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What, your house is planted in the center of a highway?
No, wait, you walk with your kids along the highway.




Sorry, I'm feeling obnoxious today.

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#25 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 08:51 PM
 
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I would go.

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#26 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 08:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Abi's Mom View Post
What, your house is planted in the center of a highway?
No, wait, you walk with your kids along the highway.




Sorry, I'm feeling obnoxious today.
You do realise that air circulates...don't you? You don't have to be on the highway to suffer from the emiisions.
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#27 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 08:56 PM
 
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Yeah, I know that air circulates emissions.

Luckily, in Anchorage, emissions testing is required. If your vehicle hasn't passed the every other year emissions test, and isn't displaying the sticker, you are ticketed.

The more rural you live, the less you are affected by vehicle emissions.

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#28 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 09:01 PM
 
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smoke hangs around for 7 days inside a house.
:

I would not allow my children in that house, personally. They are not old enough to make an educated choice about whether or not they want to be exposed to that.
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#29 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 09:05 PM
 
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Oh, and I'll just throw in that the fact that my kids are exposed to other environmental toxins which are out of my control is MORE reason to be very strict about not exposing them to the ones to which I do have a choice.

Do you like my run-on sentence? :
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#30 of 101 Old 10-06-2007, 09:08 PM
 
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yes we'd go. Luckily neither set of grandparents smoke but when I was a kid my grandma smoked and lived in another state. I can't imagine not getting to know her. Yes she even smoked inside the house when we were there and my mom is very anti-smoking. our clothes would reek like smoke when we got home but IMO it was worth it, not considerate but I'm sure my mom is still glad we'd go to visit her parents.

sadly my grandma died of lung cancer BUT again, glad my generally over-protective-anti-smoking mother took us to her house.

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