Adoptive parents? Reach out?? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 3 Old 06-20-2018, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Question Adoptive parents? Reach out??

My husband and I have been trying to conceive or adopt for seven years. We've finally gotten to a point of peace with not having kids until a couple of days ago. My husband came home and said a co-worker was upset. He questioned her and she said she had a eight month old grand niece she was worried about - the parents are in a bad situation, can't take care of baby, grandparents can't take the baby, the list goes on and on. The co-worker couldn't take the baby either and had previously worked with transporting foster kids across state lines. She didn't want her relative to go into the foster system. Dad wants to give up custody so he can join military but won't give up custody if mom won't. Mom is under 18 and currently living in a crappy situation. My husband and I offered to adopt the baby. His co-worker said she'd talk to her mother who is in the mix and helping the birth parents. Last month they had to sell the baby furniture to pay rent. The birth mom is considering giving up custody so baby can have a better life.

My heart is breaking for this family and the thought that the baby is in such a bad condition. Of course, I did some Facebook stalking and found the parents. Do I reach out to her? Do I just leave it and hope the grandma brings it up to her. We are dead serious that we will take the baby and can provide a stable life for her. I'll drive there tomorrow if she needs me. I just don't know what to do. It feels so helpless. Any suggestions? Or anyone know anyone looking for some adoptive parents? We were at peace and now I feel wrecked for this child!
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#2 of 3 Old 06-21-2018, 04:25 AM
 
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THat is a tricky one, and depends so much on your state laws and if you are in the same county as this family (or however your state arranges social services agencies).

One thing you could do is reach out to the branch of DCF that this child is connected to and let them know that you would be willing to foster if they lose the child due to their 'bad situation' or something. Short of that folks should seriously encourage them to reach out to a private adoption agency--to have the child placed. The safety of the child is important. You could let the family know through the co-worker but somehow it seems intrusive to me for you to contact the birth family directly. Others may feel differently.

 









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#3 of 3 Old 06-27-2018, 03:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HippopotaBuck View Post
My husband and I have been trying to conceive or adopt for seven years. We've finally gotten to a point of peace with not having kids until a couple of days ago. My husband came home and said a co-worker was upset. He questioned her and she said she had a eight month old grand niece she was worried about - the parents are in a bad situation, can't take care of baby, grandparents can't take the baby, the list goes on and on. The co-worker couldn't take the baby either and had previously worked with transporting foster kids across state lines. She didn't want her relative to go into the foster system. Dad wants to give up custody so he can join military but won't give up custody if mom won't. Mom is under 18 and currently living in a crappy situation. My husband and I offered to adopt the baby. His co-worker said she'd talk to her mother who is in the mix and helping the birth parents. Last month they had to sell the baby furniture to pay rent. The birth mom is considering giving up custody so baby can have a better life.

My heart is breaking for this family and the thought that the baby is in such a bad condition. Of course, I did some Facebook stalking and found the parents. Do I reach out to her? Do I just leave it and hope the grandma brings it up to her. We are dead serious that we will take the baby and can provide a stable life for her. I'll drive there tomorrow if she needs me. I just don't know what to do. It feels so helpless. Any suggestions? Or anyone know anyone looking for some adoptive parents? We were at peace and now I feel wrecked for this child!
We got our eldest from a very similar situation. He's already been adopted so I can now speak about the situation. Of course each state is different. In our situation social services had already been called and they placed him with his biological grandmother. She could no longer care for him. Through a series of events a relative knew we were looking to adopt. She told us about him and then she called the grandmother and Social Services. Because we were already foster parents he was placed in our home shortly after we found out about him.

If we had not already been foster parents then he would not have been placed in our home. We never reached out to the biological parents. After he was placed in our care we did meet with his biological mother a few times. She was very happy we took him into our home. She actually later had 2 more children and we ended up adopting them as well. We keep in touch with the whole biological family.

I don't know the young mother's state of mind so I don't know if she would find that intrusive or not. I would reach out to her. The worst thing that would happen is blocks you on Facebook/ doesn't respond. You may however be an answered prayer for her. I would in a very delicate way reach out. Also if you are not already, go ahead and become foster parents. Technically you don't "foster to adopt", but a lot of times after fostering a child for a year you are asked if you want to adopt the child.
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