Visits with friends/how to reassure parents? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 4 Old 07-03-2018, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
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Visits with friends/how to reassure parents?

We are recent foster parents of a teenager in a fairly isolated rural community. The kid doesn't really know any other teens in the immediate area but does have some friends a bit of a drive away (50 minutes is the closest, I believe). We were trying to organize some social time with a friend for 4th of July. The idea was that we would talk to her mom on the phone first, then meet in person, and if everyone felt okay with everything, she would spend the day with us and we'd drop her back off after fireworks. Her mom was not comfortable with the distance, however, which is understandable but also difficult because of where we live. We are willing to travel ourselves and drop him off for a few hours with a friend while we chill in the area and pick him up later and hopefully that will be reassuring. But I also understand that our situation is somewhat unique and we might need to do more to make other parents (especially birth parents, I suspect) feel comfortable with friend visits regardless. Has anyone else come across this/have advice?

Overall things are going very well, but it is summer and he is a teenager, so as much as we're glad he seems to like spending time with us we would also like to see him spending time with some of his friends closer to his own age.
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#2 of 4 Old 07-04-2018, 12:00 PM
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So the mom of the friend wasn't comfortable driving the distance, or wasn't comfortable having her child come 50 miles back to your place? I wasn't completely clear--or was it the birth mom that wasn't comfortable with the foster child visiting so far away? And why would there be opposition to you doing all the driving and hanging out in the area while he visits there? I apologize I can't get quite clear on that.

Glad to hear it is going well!


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#3 of 4 Old 07-04-2018, 01:30 PM
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Especially if the kids already had an established friendship, it sounds to me as though the girl's parents are perhaps just overprotective. If so, I'm not really sure what more the OP could do.
I have a 16 yo and (at least where we live) the teens are more or less autonomous when it comes to planning social stuff. The most I've ever done is make sure the parents have my phone number if I'm driving and it'll be an all-day thing. I've met very few of her friend's parents.
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#4 of 4 Old 07-22-2018, 09:14 AM - Thread Starter
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Okay, sorry I've been away, things have been busy. We've navigated this a bit more since the OP. The friend in question was in foster care previously (that's how she met our kiddo) and is now back with her mom. Her mom doesn't want her visiting someone so far away (we live 50 minutes from her). We're willing to make a trip to see her if her mom is okay with it but she's hesitant. I actually wonder if it's partly because we're foster parents and there's some sad association with that world for her. We'll try again in a few months. We recently found out our kid has friends in another town, about an hour and a half drive but it has a big mall and we could drop him off there with some friends, go wander around downtown in the same area for a few hours, maybe get dinner, and then meet back with him. We want to meet anyone whose house he'd be staying at and meet the parents of anyone whose house he'd be sleeping at but I think a mall trip is pretty safe and age appropriate and would avoid parent-to-parent awkwardness.
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