I am 110% against circumcision, let me just make that clear. However, my husband is pro-circ and I am working on convincing him to leave the baby we are expecting intact.
In my own personal research, I have come across different types of circumcision. It can be either high or low, and loose or tight. DH says that if he does decide to circ our son against my wishes, I can at least decide which type of circumcision he gets, which instrument to use, when it is done (as long as he's still a baby), and which doctor.
He's agreed to not circ until breastfeeding is fully established. I plan on making excuse after excuse to delay it because I know the longer it goes, the more expensive the procedure is and DH admits that if one thing will make him change his mind, it is the cost. I also plan on finding the most expensive doctor for this reason. But I am undecided as to what type of circ would be better (I hate that since I fully disagree with all circ). So, if circumstances are that our son is circ'd, which type is better?
I've been told by some that I should just leave DH over this, but since he supports me in everything else, I do believe it is better for a child to grow up circ'd with a dad than intact without his father, kwim??
So sorry for the delay. Your question got caught in the site's spam filter and was just recently found and approved.
I am happy to learn that you are against circumcision, but I'm sorry to learn of your dilemma. Yours is not the first husband who wants his son circumcised. I going to do what I can to educate and empower you to protect your son. What I am about to tell you is what I wish I'd known so I could have protected my own sons (who are no 44, 51, and 54, and my grandsons are intact). When a baby isn't protected by his mother, he perceives the pain and trauma as betrayal by his mother. If you were a mother lion and someone took a knife to your offspring, you'd eat that person! Every mammalian mother would die protecting her offspring from assault, so we must protect our babies, too, even if it's from their wounded fathers. What your husband doesn't realize is that it is his job to protect his son, too and, here, it is his son's sex life he needs to protect. Let's discuss why...
Circumcision diminishes the penis in size and sensitivity, but it does more damage than that. The foreskin is the organ that covers and protects the underlying structures, especially the urinary opening to keep the urinary tract sterile and the mucosal tissue covering the glans (head of the penis) to keep it soft and moist. The ridged band, encircling the opening of the foreskin, houses the majority (20,000-70,000) of the specialized, erogenous nerve endings in the penis. These are the nerve endings that send messages to the brain about what the penis is feeling, and that feedback allows an intact male to ride the wave to orgasm in the same way a woman does. Without those nerve endings, a circumcised man is left with undifferentiated sensation that causes premature ejaculation. Sadly, men think this is because they're so sensitive when, in fact, they've lost their "accelerator" and have been left with an "off-on" switch. A circumcised male will never have a full sexual experience and the gratification that was rightfully his! So, cutting any part off the tip of the foreskin will amputate the accelerator and destroy the fullness of the sexual experience. Just cutting a little is irreversibly damaging. This is why it's so important for you to educate your husband about the facts and get him to understand why you're saying "No!" to anyone cutting any part off the perfect baby you are making!
Remember, circumcision is not medically necessary and it's painful, even if analgesia is used. It interferes with the maternal/infant bond and disrupts breastfeeding and normal sleep patterns. Circumcision undermines a baby's first developmental task of establishing trust. It leaves both physical and psychological scars; it is a primal wound that lasts a lifetime. The risks, include hemorrhage, infection, surgical mishap, and an estimated 117 babies die every year from circumcision in the USA.
Circumcision is where sex and violence meet for the first time. Many babies enter the dissociative state when they leave their bodies because of the pain and trauma. Circumcision denies a baby's right to genital autonomy and self-determination; subjecting him to a surgery to which he did not consent. Circumcision is not a medical issue, it is a human rights issue.
Today's parents are saying "No!" to circumcision, even circumcised dads, because they've become educated about the harmful effects of an unnecessary surgery. I trust your husband, too, once he's educated, will understand the importance of protecting his son's organ of pleasure and procreation. One day, his son will say "Thanks, Dad!"
If you'd like me to send you our 20-minute educational DVD, featuring Dr. Dean Edell, I'll be happy to do that. It includes some short clips of a circumcision, so your husband will actually see what's done to the baby and the men in the video, doctors and lawyers, talk about the importance of the foreskin and the harm of amputating it. Email your name and address to me at[email protected] and I'll send you the DVD and some other important information. Also, print out the article at http://research.cirp.org for your husband to read, which is by Canadian pathologist, Dr. John Taylor, who identified and named the ridged band I mentioned above. This article describes how the whole penis works as a unit and how every part is essential in the process.
Best wishes, Marilyn
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