Originally Posted by bren94
but no matter what I do I want to feel empowered by it and proud of the decision. So I'm working on it.
I really think that is the key. YOU are the one who makes the decision and as long as YOU are ok with it, that's all that matters. We just really have no clue how things will go for us and how we will feel in the full swing of labor, so just give yourself permission to do what feels best for you in whatever situation are you in. As long as you are the one calling the shots and not feeling pressure from others, you'll do great.
So I had a pretty crazy afternoon at the hospital for my appointments today. Crazy in a bad way. My first appointment was an ultrasound to do biophysical profile (BPP) and check on growth and weight. Apparently baby was napping so getting the BPP stuff took a while. The tech kept jabbing the baby to get it to move and do whatever she needed to check. Finally got through all that and she did all the measuring, and as expected, estimated weight is now 9 lbs 3 oz, +- 1.5 lbs (so dumb). As far as we could tell, everything was fine, baby was breathing normally and HB was good. The tech went to check with the radiologist to make sure everything was good, came back after an unusually long time and said all was good and we could go. The next appointment was with the midwife, which we were already like 30 minutes late for but they knew we were there for other stuff too. Right after I stood up to go, someone else came to the room and said "The doctor just called back and said to keep her." Tech left again, then came back and said the radiologist talked to the midwife and wanted me to go over to labor & delivery to see the midwife on call. So we asked what's going on and why can't we just go to the midwife appointment and NST as scheduled. The tech said she didn't know, maybe they wanted to induce me today but to go to L&D.
I was in tears as we walked over to L&D, then had to sit there and wait still with no idea why they sent me over there. We waited for 20-30 minutes probably (with me crying the whole time) until a nurse came out said the midwife was too busy with patients in labor to talk to me now, but wanted my phone number to call me later and we could go home. My husband was pissed at this point and asked again why we were sent to L&D instead of seeing the midwife in the clinic and said we weren't going anywhere until someone talked to us and told us what's going and why we aren't having our planned appointments. Then the nurse said "Well the baby is big so they want to talk about options." No Sh!t, we know that already. She went back and called over to the clinic, and came back and said we could go back over to see the other midwife. As we walked back over, my husband said he thinks the radiologist didn't realize we already had an appointment to talk to the midwife today, so that's why he wanted me to go to L&D. Apparently all some big miscommunication that caused me a crazy amount of anxiety!
So back in the clinic, I got hooked up for the NST and baby did great. The nurse also said the BPP results were 8/8, fluid level was good and there's no indication of anything wrong, just that the baby is big. The midwife came in and apologized for all the nonsense I went through and we talked about the weight issue. She said in order to do her job working for the hospital, she had to offer me a c-section but added she wasn't recommending it. Then we talked about the induction date and I said it wasn't happy about it being moved earlier than 42 weeks. She said again due to the baby's weight she has to offer we move the induction earlier than next Tuesday. I basically said no thanks and I would like it moved as late as possible. She said no problem. I asked if she thought it was a bad decision, so she talked about the risk of shoulder dystocia (again adding it's just her job to inform me of these risks) and she said she didn't think I was being foolish but that it's a calculated risk. Then she kinda went on about delivering and knowing of plenty of 10+ lb babies, some even born to very small women without issue. She looked at me and felt my hips and said I'm not a small woman and basically said she didn't think it was a big deal for me (what I have felt all along).
Then she asked if I wanted her to check me, and I said yes and wanted her to try to sweep my membranes. She said she wouldn't have even checked me other than to do that. Still about the same as last Friday - 1 cm, cervix far back, but she said she got a finger in enough to feel the baby's head (hopefully meaning my exercises and work to get baby engaged are helping) but couldn't really sweep. She told me with her first baby, she was at about the same place getting checked and then ended up going into labor and having the baby the next day. Next steps are going for another NST Saturday, then repeat BPP, NST and appointment next Wednesday, then induction Thursday night/Friday morning if still no baby.
It's really powerful how much better I felt being informed, being the one making the decisions and having my choices respected instead of the crap I went through an hour before talking to the midwife.