baby no name arrived
I've been waiting to post about this in several places till we decide on a name. But a week later and not only do we not have a name, but we're fighting about it so it doesn't look like we'll decide anytime soon.
Baby boy arrived last Saturday 2/20 at 3:21 after a fast and furious precipitous barely over 2h long labor. At home - midwife made it when I was already well into pushing.
got my VBAC and my home birth even though I had given up on the latter when my previous midwifes risked me out (for something debatable) at 38 weeks. Transferred care to a hospital OB because I found someone who was willing to not bug me with extra testing or crap based on what had risked me out, and also my husband was now scared of home birth. But because a common theme in VBAC success stories is laboring at home as long as possible and I was expecting a long labor (ha! Joke is on me) we hired a midwife as a monitrice to monitor me and baby, make sure everything during labor remained normal, and help us decide when to head over to the hospital. At least that was the plan.
woke up at 1 am from the pain of a contraction. Went to the bathroom and realized that either I had a leak out I had peed myself, there was definitely no big gush or anything like that. Whilst on the toilet I had a couple more contractions and they were definitely messing with my mind - too close together and way more intense than I remembered early labor being. Got a contraction tracking app installed and woke up my husband (who proceeded to remain snoozing because he thought there were still hours and hours to go). 30-45 seconds long (the painful part, by touching the belly I knew they were actually longer), and coming every 1-2 minutes - ridiculous, didn't make sense (remember, I was thinking this was early labor and I still had a long time to go for a while). Back to back and intense enough that though i could listen through them i couldn't talk through them and needed to concentrate on working through them. But they were also NOT BH.
called my doula, she suggested getting in the bath tub and that might either make it all die down if it wasn't for real or make a more normal pattern. A bath sounded good anyway, but I was pretty certain this was it, so we called the monitrice and photographer for a heads up though we weren't asking them to come over quite yet.
honestly I was worried - if this was early labor and I was having trouble coping with the contractions, what the hell was I in for?
the bath... Did not make things easier, but the warmth was nice. Contractions were too close together still to be able to get any kind of break or rest in between. Called again and told everyone to come ASAP.
and then things ramped up even more. I was terrified and felt like I couldn't do this. I never remembered it getting that bad last time and I just needed a minute to wrap my head around it. I needed a break. I needed drugs because how much worse was it going to get. Classic transition, obviously; and even though the thought crossed my mind, I refused to believe it.
I started to feel a little bit of pressure like a needed to poop. But no unbearable urge or anything like that, so still in denial. Tried to check myself and whoa definitely felt baby's head, but because I had nothing to compare with (my cervix had been too high to reach) - so I was either only 1-2cm or complete. Couldn't tell. But it was finally starting to get through my head that this was it. But I wasn't quite ready to day anything out loud. By the way, no one had arrived at this point. Also, the thought of getting into the car was unbearable, no way in hell was I moving.
and then the contractions changed. Not sure how to describe it, but they became more squeezy, the pain was now on the sides of my uterus and the only way I could deal was by literally lifting my whole body on my arms on the edge of the tub and doing a small up and down bobbing motion (my arms and hands were site for days). With this change I gingerly decided to try to actively push. No relief or any of that stuff I'd read about (I didn't do spontaneous pushing with my first), but it was definitely what I was supposed to be doing, and I couldn't not do it.
so I said it out loud - I'm pushing and I can't not push. Where is the monitrice? To my husband's credit he didn't freak out as much as I thought he would. The monitrice was just pulling up to our house.
she said we could still try to make it to the hospital (and my husband tan down to take our bags to the car). But I said no. There was still a little bit to go but I was naked and pushing with a baby I could feel getting lower. No way was I getting in the car or trying not to push, our walking naked into a hospital, our delivering on the way there. Just no.
she got out the Doppler, but baby was so low she couldn't get a reading, so she asked me to move to the bedroom. That I could do. One side laying contraction so she could get her reading and it was time to get serious about that whole pushing thing. I got into na position that felt okay and where I wasn't going to get too tired holding it. And so I pushed. Crowning was weird but not as bad as I feared, like pushing against a barrier that I couldn't know whether I was going to hurt myself and tear, or if it b would give way and stretch. Someone asked if I wanted to catch my baby, but I couldn't without losing my balance. Though the weirdest part was right before that last push when the head was out but not his body and I felt him wriggling. He was handed to my husband, who told me the baby was a boy, and then he went on my chest.
lucky we had been planning a home birth till two weeks before and had already purchased the birth kit. The midwife did have to call around her midwife friends to see who could bring over the stuff needed for the newborn exam (because the plan was not a home birth - though I am super happy I got one).
we had some fun trying to guesstimate baby's weight - though we all guessed under. Baby was 9 lbs 1 oz, 20.5". And currently nameless.
nursing has been going well, and he is SO different from my first, and I don't mean just physically, that it's just weird. Though I'll admit I'm anxious to see his weight as a checkpoint as to how he's really doing because I'm a bit afraid to trust my instinct here which is that he's okay.