Anyone else have a large, extended, and or, close knit family? Th at asks way too many questions. I find myself already thinking about how not to tell everyone. And we aren't even pregnant yet! They know we are ttc. Any tips for dealing with them without being rude. Cause apparently I excell at the rude part already, I am just so fed up. I should have been nicer when I talked to this relative recently.
Especially this one relativeShe's already made it clear, she expects us to tell her first, and outright asks. She considers herself the family authority on pregnancy and babies and has told me often how nice it is that I get to benefit from her experience. The other day I went to an appointment, not at all pregnancy or otherwise related. I didn't think it would be a big deal, to let her know I had an appointment and was busy during that time, without having to explain all about it in detail. Oh. My. Word.
Did I ever get the third degree.
Who with, what doctor (not a doctor, but. Didn't correct her), how was I reffered, etc. I get that family is entitled to be curious and ask questions about my life but I am so fed up with this one relative I could just smack her. So I told her flat, it's none of her business.
Which felt good, more for her incessant pestering than for the actual appointment at hand. I later had to apologize to her and other people who asked after her (cause now that she is nosing around, of course, I feel all sensitive about totally unsensational material) for being rude.
Because, she is family, my family asks each other stuff, I shouldn't be surprised by now. I could have just politely said, it's private, I don't want to talk about it now.
I know full well that would have been fine, she would have temporarily dropped it.
Just like now she has temporarily dropped it. She says she will totally drop it, but ... Well, you know what they say about snowballs in hell....
I'm just so fed up with the questions and the endless advice.
The questions would be fine if it didn't always end in advice. It's like a vicious cycle. She asks prodding questions. Dh or I say something. She has advice about the something, and how it will impact the future baby, and the way it might impact the kids, and how we should be doing this or that better with the kids. Because we all need mommy guilt (sarcasm). It's worst when she does this in front of my kids, because they pick up on the scolding that I am getting and either internalize it and feel bad later, or repeat it back to me when they want something. So while she thinks I don't want her to know about an appointment, when what I really want to do is tell her to
stop turning every conversation into a lecture on what I need to do better, and if she has advice, give it to me when the kids aren't underfoot and I am in the throes of explaining sharing.
So I should have been polite, and I wasn't, and is apologized and we are good.
This whole thing got me thinking. This person jnow thinks I have had a doctors appointment. Of unknown origin. If I start now avoiding the "are you pregnant question", will she go around giving people the idea that I am? And would that make them all lay off me a bit for a couple months? Cause while I would never actually trick them by saying anything, she has already said stuff, right? I feel crazy to even be going there. My parents have even asked me about "the mystery appointment", and forewarned me that my sister needs to know now too. If they think it's a happy secret that they will learn about later.... Maybe I can get some space on the ttc front. Which is not going to help my pent up frustration about the lectures at all. I feel guilty about not dealing with it at the times she does it, but, as I said, she picks the worst moments and I don't want to just snap. But, this whole, hmmm let's go silent about pregnancy hare brained thing, will help on this other front of ttc questions.
Do I just stop answering all ttc related questions too? Since she has said, she is fiiiiine with being told it's private. Or is that mean? How the heck do you deal with people like this? She's great at making me feel guilty about anything and I hate that I fall for it.
I still feel guilty for not telling her what she wants (not, obviously, enough to cave). How do you get past feeling guilty for having a life that isn't completely everyone else's business?
Thanks for listening. I just had to tell someone. Extra kudos if you read all that.